Over My Dead Body

"Give me about three thousand dollars in threes."

"With pleasure. I'm busy. How much in cold cash?"

"Nothing, my dear fellow."

"Nothing?"

"Right. And please don't disturb me. I shall be spending the day on research at the public library. Hold yourself in readiness-"

He dodged the notebook I threw, and danced out.

I put a sheet in the typewriter and started, without any enthusiasm, on the report for Cramer, but had only filled a third of a page when it occurred to me that it would be fun to locate Zorka without moving from my desk. I pulled the phone over and dialled a number. The ringing signal was in my ear a long while before there was a voice. It sounded disconsolate.

"Hullohuuuuuuuuu!"

I made mine vigorous but musical. "Hello, Belinda?"

"Yes. Who is this?"

"Guess."

"I'm in no condition to guess."

"It's Archie. Archie the good-looking bum. I want to warn-"

"How did you get this number? It's private and it's not listed."

"I know, but I can read, can't I? I saw it on your phone when I used it. I want to say three things. First, that I think you're very beautiful and if you ever ask me to come and read aloud to you I will. Second, I forgot to thank you for the drinks. Third, I want to warn you about Zorka. About a thousand cops are looking for her, and if they come and find her there it will get you in a lot of trouble, and I'd be glad to-"

"What are you talking about? How are they going to find her here when you took her away?"

"But she went back there."

"She did not. Where is she?"

"She started for your place about five o'clock."

"Well, she didn't get here."

"That's fu

"I have no idea."

A click in my ear ended it. So much for that. It sounded very much as if Zorka had not returned to Madison Avenue. I wrote three more lines of the report and the door bell rang and I went to the front and opened up. It was Rudolph Faber.

I admit it was Wolfe's house and I was employed there, and courtesy is courtesy, but he hung up his coat himself. That was the effect that guy had on me. I let him precede me into the office because I didn't want him behind me, and he required no invitation to take a chair. I had explained in the hall that Mr Wolfe was never available in the morning until eleven o'clock, but I seated myself at my desk and rang up the plant rooms, and in a moment Wolfe answered.

I told him, "Mr Rudolph Faber is here."

"Indeed. What does he want?"

"To see you. He says he'll wait."

"I doubt if I can see him before lunch."

"I told him so."

"Well. Let's see." A pause. "Come up here. Better still, call on Mr Green. Before leaving, give him a good book to read, and see what happens."

"A really good book?"

"The best you can find."

I hung up and swivelled to face the caller. "Mr Wolfe needs me upstairs, and he suggested that I should give you a book to amuse yourself with while I'm gone."

I went to the shelves and got down United Yugoslavia and returned and handed it to him. "I think you'll find it very interesting, especially-"

He stood up and threw the book on the floor and started for the exit.

I trotted around and got between him and the door, faced him, and said urgently, "Pick it up!" I knew at the time that it was childish, but in the first place the impulse to make some kind of alteration on the supercilious look of his face was absolutely irresistible, and in the second place I had been permanently impressed by what I had been reading in the papers about certain things being done by certain people in certain parts of the world. I did give him a second chance by telling him again to pick it up, but he kept right on coming, apparently expecting me to melt into a grease spot. I said calmly, "Look out, here it is," and put it there. I didn't aim for the chin because there wasn't any and I didn't want to pay a hospital bill. Instead, I took his left eye with a right hook and most of me behind it.

The door co

"Hey, need any help?"

"Come on in. What do you think?"

He walked over and stood looking down at Faber. "I'll be darned. How many times did you hit him?"

"Once."

"I'll be darned. And you with a name like Goodwin. Sometimes I'm inclined to think-was your mother ever in Ireland?"

"Go suck an orange. Stand back and give him room."

Faber got up by degrees. First on his hands, then on his hands and knees, and then slow but sure on up. He turned slowly, and looked at me, and I looked away on account of the expression in his eyes. It embarrassed me so much it damn near scared me, to see such an expression in the eyes of a man who had merely been knocked down. Naturally, it had been my intention to request him to pick the book up when he got upright again, but I didn't do it. When he got under headway towards the door I stepped aside and let him go, and asked Fred to go to the hall and let him out. I picked up the book and put it away and sat down and rubbed my knuckles and worked my Fingers open and shut a few times, and then phoned Wolfe a communiquй. All he did was grunt.

I worked my fingers limber enough so I could resume at the typewriter, but that report was hoeing a hard row. In addition to my deep-seated reluctance to spoiling white paper just to furnish a cop with reading matter, there were constant interruptions. A phone call from Miltan the йpйe champion. All he wanted was information and I had none to give him. One from a guy in town from St Louis who wanted to discuss orchids with Wolfe, and an appointment was made for the next day. One from Orrie Cather for Wolfe, and, a little later, one from Saul Panzer, both of which I was invited to keep out of.

Towards eleven o'clock there was a phone call from the Emperor of Japan. At least it might as well have been. First a woman asked for Mr Wolfe, and I asked who was it and she said Mr Barrett and I said put him on and she said hold the wire. I waited a while. Then a man said he wanted Mr Wolfe, and I said is this Mr Barrett, and he said authoritatively, no, it isn't, put Mr Wolfe on, please, and I asked who it was that wanted to talk to Mr Wolfe, and he said Mr Barrett, and I said put him on and he said hold the wire. That kind of a shenanigan. There was more to it than that, but after a terrific and exhausting struggle I finally heard something definite, in a leisurely cultivated male voice: "This is Barrett, Mr Wolfe?"

"Donald Barrett?"

"No, no, John P. Barrett."

"Oh, Donald's father. Of Barrett amp; De Russy?"

"That's right, Mr Wolfe, could you-"

"Hold it. This is Archie Goodwin, Mr Wolfe's confidential assistant."

"I thought I had Wolfe."

"Nope. I wore 'em out. Mr Wolfe will be engaged until eleven o'clock. I'll take any message."

"Well." Hesitation. "That will do, I suppose. I would like to have Mr Wolfe call at my office as soon after eleven as possible."

"No, sir. I'm sorry. He never makes calls."

"But this is important. In fact, urgent. It will be well worth his while-"

"No, sir. There's no use prolonging it. Mr Wolfe transacts business only at his office. He wouldn't go across the street to receive the keys to the Bank of England."

"That's ridiculous!"

"Yes, sir. I've always said so. But there's no use discussing it except as an interesting case of cussedness."

For ten seconds I heard nothing. Then, "Where is your office?"

"506 West 35th Street."

"Mr Wolfe is there throughout the day?"

"And night. Office and home."

"Well. I'll see. Thank you."

Wolfe came down from the plant room a few minutes later, and after he had run through the mail, tested his pen, rung for beer, and glanced at the three pages of the report I had managed to finish, I told him about it. He listened impressively and thanked me with a disinterested nod. Thinking a little prodding was in order, I observed that he was in the case anyway, on account of family obligations, spending money right and left, and that it was therefore shortsighted and unintelligent not to permit Miss Tormic to have a co-client, when the co-client was of the nature of John P. Barrett, obviously anxious to join in the fun and ready to ante. I told him about the hundred bucks of Barrett dough which had already passed through our hands and said what a pity it would be to stop there, but before I could really get worked up about it I was interrupted by the arrival of the client herself. Fritz a