Centurion

He lifted his gaze and slowly sca

Cato heard footsteps as another person climbed into the signal tower, but he was too tired and depressed by his thoughts to bother turning to look.

'Why, it's Prefect Cato,' said Julia.

Cato looked round, straightening up to greet her with stiff formality. 'Lady Julia.'

'What are you doing here?' she asked bluntly.

Cato was frustrated by the interruption and replied tersely. 'My job. And you?'

'I've finished my work for the day, Prefect.This is where I come to be alone.'

'Alone?' Cato could not hide his surprise. 'Why would you want to be alone?'

She looked at him shrewdly.'For the same reason as you, I imagine. To think. That is why you are up here, isn't it?'

Cato frowned, angry that she had guessed his mind and habits so easily. The extreme irritation of his expression made his face comical and she suddenly laughed: a light, pleasing sound that Cato would have liked under different circumstances, but now only made his expression harden even more. She reached out and touched his arm.

'I'm so sorry. We seem to have got off on the wrong foot.' She smiled. 'Believe me, I meant no offence. I didn't mean to make you angry.'

Her tone was sincere and the light of the small brazier glowing beside the pyre made her eyes sparkle. Much as Cato wanted to maintain his cold mood, he could not help warming to her.

He nodded. 'It wasn't the most cordial of introductions. I apologise for my behaviour. Sometimes it's hard to forget that I'm a soldier.'

'I know. My father sometimes suffers from the same complaint as a diplomat. And after all you have been through, I'm sure you have a right to be short with me.'

Cato was embarrassed by his earlier behaviour and all the more self-conscious about it now that Julia had shown him a graciousness that he had not returned in kind. He swallowed nervously and bowed his head as he took a half-step back from her. 'I'd better leave you to your thoughts then, my lady. I apologise for intruding on your privacy.'

'But it is I who have intruded. You were here first,' she reminded him. 'Would you not share the tower with me? I promise I'll be quiet and won't distract you.'

There was that faintly amused tone to her voice again and Cato felt that she was mocking him. He shook his head. 'I must rest, my lady. I bid you good night.'

Before he could turn away completely Julia blurted out, 'Please, stay and talk to me. If you're not too tired to spare me a moment.'

He was exhausted, and the thought of sleep was beyond temptation, yet the pleading look in her eyes melted his resolve. He smiled. 'It would be a pleasure, my lady.'

'You know, you could call me Julia.'

'I could. But only if you call me Cato.'

'But that's your cognomen. Might I know your familiar name?'

'In the army we only go by the cognomen. Force of habit.'

'Very well, Cato it is.' Julia moved away, towards the side of the tower that looked over the agora. She glanced back at him and smiled, and Cato went over and joined her, conscious of her closeness and yet not daring to make any kind of physical contact. He was aware of her scent for the first time, a citron tang mixed with something sweet, and he savoured it as he stood beside her and stared out across Palmyra.

'Such a beautiful thing,' Julia mused. 'A city at night. I used to sit on the roof terrace of our house in Rome when I was a child. We lived on the Janiculan Hill, with views towards the forum and the imperial palace. At night torches and braziers sparkled like diamonds, and amber, right across the city. On moonlit nights you could see the details clearly for miles, as if Rome was a toy made of blue stone. Sometimes a mist would rise from the Tiber.'

Cato smiled. 'I remember that. It was like a fine silk veil. Looked so soft that I wanted to reach out and touch it.'

She glanced at him with a surprised expression. 'You too? I thought I was the only one who saw it that way.You lived in Rome?'

'I was raised in the palace. My father was an imperial freedman.' The words were out before Cato could stop himself and he wondered if she would think worse of him for his lowly origins.

'The son of a freedman, and now a prefect of auxiliaries,' Julia mused. 'That's quite an achievement.'

'Acting prefect,' Cato confessed. 'Once a permanent commander is found I will revert to the rank of centurion. A junior one at that.'

She saw through his modesty at once. 'The fact that you were chosen for the command at all must mean someone thinks you have potential, Cato.'

'It would be nice to think so. Otherwise it'll take a long time to work up enough seniority for any further promotion in the legions.'

'And you'd like that?'

'What soldier wouldn't?'

'Forgive me, Cato, but you don't seem like a typical soldier to me.'

He looked at her. 'I don't?'

'Oh, I'm sure that you are a fine officer, and I know that you are brave, and you have quite a way with words according to my father.'

'But?'

She shrugged. 'I don't really know. You seem to have a certain sensitivity that I haven't encountered in the soldiers I've met before.'

'Blame it on the palace upbringing.'

She laughed and then stared out across the city again, and a silence grew between them, until Cato spoke.'What about you? What happened to the young girl who spent her evenings staring out across Rome?'

Julia smiled faintly, then gently clasped her wrist with the other hand and rubbed it slowly. 'Like all girls from a good family, I was married to a man three times my age as soon as I was fourteen. It was supposed to establish a bond between two families with proud lineages. Only my husband used to beat me.'

'I'm sorry to hear that.'

She looked at him sadly. 'I know what you're thinking. All husbands beat their wives from time to time.'

'I didn't mean…'

'Well, maybe it's true. But Junius Porcinus used to beat me almost every day. For any fault he could find in me. I took it for a while… I thought that was how marriages were supposed to be. After two years of looking at a bruised face in the mirror every morning I asked my father for permission to divorce Porcinus. When he learned what had been going on he agreed. I've travelled with him on the Emperor's business ever since. I suppose I run the household for him in place of my mother. She died giving birth to me.' Julia was silent for a moment and then smiled awkwardly. 'How silly of me! Boring you to death with my family history when you need to rest.'

'No, it's quite all right,' Cato replied. 'I mean, I'm not bored. Honestly.You're very… open.'

'Indiscreet, you mean.'

Cato shook his head. 'Open, honest. It's just that I'm not used to it. Soldiers tend not to be too forthcoming about their feelings. So this is a pleasing change.'

'Oh, I'm not normally so candid. But now?' Julia shrugged. 'Life might be somewhat shorter than I had expected. There's no point in holding back those things I want to say. The prospect of death can be quite liberating.'

'Ah, that I can agree with.' Cato chuckled as he recalled the wild exhilaration of combat, mixed with dreadful fear. Paradoxically, he had never felt more alive than at such moments. A sad truth, he conceded to himself. There was a time when his greatest pleasure had been the pursuit of knowledge. Since becoming a soldier he had discovered a side of his nature that he had never suspected was there. But then, perhaps that was the gift of soldiering – the gaining of self-knowledge. Five years ago he had been a timid youth, filled with doubts about his worth. Everything had seemed impossible. Now he knew what he was capable of, the good as well as the bad. He had achieved feats of endurance and courage that once he would never have thought possible.