Страница 8 из 11
“So what is it, gents,” said Mi
“Aye,” said Ted.
“Right you are,” said Mi
“I heard he’d had a cafetière fitted,” said Ted.
“A cafetière?” said Israel.
“Aye.”
“A cafetière is what you make the coffee in,” said Mi
“Not a cafetière, then,” said Ted. “Something like that.”
“A catheter?” said Israel.
“Well, I don’t want you asking him about that,” said Mi
“I don’t want to meet him anyway,” said Israel. “Thanks.”
“The man ru
“Sure, you probably vote for the Shi
“The whatters?” said Israel.
“Now!” said Mi
“Does he have any actual policies, Maurice Morris?” asked Israel.
“Aye,” said Ted. “The same as the rest of them. Snouts in the trough and selling the rest of us down the river. I tell ye, I’ve some questions for Mr. Morris if he comes over.”
“That’s fine,” said Mi
“Nothing personal!” said Ted. “Adulterating so-and-so.”
“Ex-adulterer,” said Mi
“Ex-adulterer?” said Israel.
“A leopard doesn’t change its spots,” said Ted.
Israel watched, fascinated, as Maurice slowly worked his ex-adulterating way from wipe-down-gingham-tableclothed table to wipe-down-gingham-tableclothed table, firmly shaking hands with the men and hugging the ladies and kissing the babies-grandchildren, mostly-and gri
“Come on now, fellas, sit up straight,” said Mi
“What?” said Israel, mesmerized by this manifestation of pure, adulterated charisma in their midst.
“Sit up straight, for goodness’ sake,” said Mi
Mi
“There,” she said, “that’s better.”
“I’m not a child,” said Israel.
“Well…” said Ted. “I wouldn’t say that exactly. The mental age of a-”
“It’s my birthday next week, actually,” said Israel.
“Ah. Really?” said Mi
“About a hundred and twenty?” said Ted.
“Sssh,” said Mi
“Not a clue,” said Ted. “But I could guess. What do you reckon?”
“Well…” Mi
“Hello?” said Israel, trying to break into the conversation, unsuccessfully.
“He carries on like a wee cappy, and he blethers on like a grumphie old man,” said Ted. “I’d place him around fifty.”
“Fifty! I’m not fifty!” said Israel. “Fifty! Do I look fifty?!”
“Early fifties?” said Ted.
“It’s the beard, maybe,” said Mi
“Fifty! I’m nowhere near fifty! I’m going to be thirty!”
“Thirty?”
“Yes.”
“Oh,” said Mi
“Middle age,” said Ted. “Make anybody depressed.”
“It’s not middle age,” said Israel. “And I am not depressed.”
“Might be older than middle age,” said Ted.
“Depends when ye’re going to die,” said Mi
“Right,” said Israel.
“No man knoweth the hour,” said Mi
“Right,” said Israel.
“Never mind,” said Ted.
“Never mind what?” said Israel.
“Thirty. Bad age.”
“It’s not a bad age. I have no problem with reaching thirty. That’s the least of my problems.”
“Good,” said Ted.
“I’ll leave you boys to it, then,” said Mi
“Thanks,” said Israel.
“Thirty,” said Ted, shaking his head.
Israel had no problem with thirty, actually. Thirty is not that old. When you think about it. At thirty, really, you’re still on the cusp of your twenties. At thirty you’re an honorary twentysomething-that’s a good way of looking at it. It’s like you’re the top of your year at school. You’re a September baby. At thirty you might still conceivably be a late developer. You have a whole lifetime still ahead of you. At thirty the world remains your proverbial oyster…
“Buddy Holly,” said Ted, slathering his scone with butter.
“What about Buddy Holly?” said Israel.
“He died young,” said Ted.
“Right. And your point is?”
“I’m just saying, like. He was what, twenty-one, twenty-two?”
“Right.”
“And the other fella.”
“Which other fella?”
“The actor fella. The leather jacket and the T-shirt.”
“Marlon Brando?”
“Ach, no, the other one.”
“James Dean?”
“Aye, that’s yer man. How old was he when he died?”
“I have no idea, Ted,” said Israel.
“Twenty-five? Twenty-six?”
“And?” said Israel.
“You’re a young man no more at thirty,” said Ted, taking a huge bite of scone, as if the scone itself might bite him back if he didn’t get at it quick enough.
“Yes you are,” said Israel. “Of course you are.”
“You’re not in your twenties in your thirties,” said Ted, chewing, his mouth wide open.
“Yes, right, that’s very true, Ted. Brilliant. Thank you for pointing that out. You’re not in your twenties in your thirties. You did maths in school, then?”