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Not much was the best answer. I’d set aside a few books for later reading, but I hadn’t found anything that came right out and told me what I wanted to know. Kind of like Aunt Tessa, I thought with a glower.
I couldn’t call it wasted time, though. I’d always loved libraries, and while Tessa’s collection was quite specialized, I still adored sitting on the floor and poring through the musty books and leather-clad tomes. When I was a kid, my parents had owned an old set of encyclopedias—the printed kind with a different volume for each letter of the alphabet. I would spend hours curled up on the couch leafing through the pages, not looking up anything in particular but just absorbing what there was to know. I hadn’t seen printed encyclopedias in years. Such things now came in complete sets on CD. But I always told myself that if I ever had kids, I’d find a set of the printed volumes, because you couldn’t leaf through on a CD in the same way.
I felt the same in Tessa’s library, reading through random volumes and finding all sorts of fascinating nuggets of information. It was almost painful to have to close a book once I knew that it didn’t have the information I needed, and I found myself making a personal promise to come back and browse when I didn’t have such an urgent agenda.
Unfortunately, several more hours of browsing failed to turn up anything concrete, and I’d churned through Reba McEntire, Taylor Swift, Kellie Pickler, and Carrie Underwood on my MP3 player. I found plenty on essences and souls but nothing specific on how to remove or restore an essence. And since there was no rhyme or reason that I could discern to Tessa’s library cataloging system—if there was one at all—I was basically looking for everything on my list in every book I opened. It wasn’t exactly an efficient system. I couldn’t find anything on what could suck out an essence, no more than a stray sentence or two about the relationship between summoner and demon, and nothing at all on what a kiraknikahl was.
I heard an odd sound in the space between songs, and I pulled the earbuds off to locate the source of it, discovering to my chagrin that it was my cell phone, vibrating and ringing on the oak table. I turned the player off, an unfamiliar frisson of nervousness tightening my chest when I saw Ryan’s number on the caller ID. I hesitated, a tiny part of me wanting to let it roll to voice mail. Don’t be an idiot, I berated myself as I pressed the talk button. He wouldn’t hurt me. No matter what else I was unsure of, I felt certain of that.
“Hi, Ryan,” I said in as neutral a tone as I could manage. Pretend nothing happened. Everything is normal. Denial is so lovely.
“Kara, would you please unlock the door and let me in?” He sounded aggrieved. “I’ve been knocking.”
“Sorry. I had my tunes on loud. I’ll be right there.” I closed my phone and stood up, brushing dust off my pants, then froze, looking down at a book that was open on the floor. I didn’t remember getting the book off the shelf, and I glanced up, wondering whether it had fallen. It was certainly possible, considering the haphazard way that Tessa had the books stuffed onto the shelves, but what were the chances that a random book would fall in front of me and open to that page?
A wave of goose bumps crawled over my skin as I crouched and picked up the book. For there on the page was a full treatise on summoners forming alliances with demons. I cradled the volume almost tenderly as I quickly sca
Ryan! I marked my place in the book and shoved it into my bag, then hurried to the door. I yanked it open to see Ryan standing on the walk, the troubled expression on his face clearing when he saw me.
“Sorry,” I said. “I suddenly found something I was looking for and didn’t want to lose my place. Come on in.”
The tension on his face faded as he came up the steps, and I realized that he’d probably been apprehensive that I wouldn’t speak to him again after what had happened at the restaurant. “What were you looking for?”
“Oh, I have a laundry list,” I said, evading the question. “But going through Tessa’s library is an adventure in disorganization. How did you know I was here?”
“You weren’t at your house or at the station, so I figured you’d be here.”
My car was in the garage, but he’d known I was here. When he called he hadn’t asked where I was; he said that he’d been knocking. He would never hurt me, I reminded myself, somewhat surprised at how certain I was of this. I turned and headed down the hall, hoping I wasn’t being hopelessly naïve. Just because I felt safe with him didn’t mean it was actually safe to be with him—either physically or emotionally.
“I’m finally able to get into her library,” I said over my shoulder, “so I figured I’d do as much research as I could.”
An awkward silence settled around us as I gathered my stuff up. It seemed like both of us wanted to pretend that the weirdness of yesterday hadn’t happened, which was fine with me, but now it felt like we were in a strange conversational limbo.
I cleared my throat, seeking to fill the void with any noise. “I never thanked you for coming to the funeral with me the other day. I’m … not sure I could have handled it alone.”
He shook his head, looking briefly haggard. “You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.”
I shrugged, picking up the stack of books that I wanted to read more carefully. “So what are you up to now?” I wanted to ask him why he was here, why he’d wanted to track me down so badly, but I was a bit afraid of the answer. Or, rather, I wasn’t sure I was ready for the answer. Chickenshit.
“Oh, well …” I could see him hurriedly thinking of a response. “I was thinking of raising my cholesterol level at Lake o’ Lard and was wondering if you wanted to get something too. Part of my Kara-needs-to-eat plan.” He flashed a grin, but I could sense the faint edge to it.
I gave him the smile he was expecting. “Can we have a devil-dog-free meal this time?”
He laughed. “What, you didn’t like the entertainment?”
I suddenly didn’t want to play games anymore. I met his eyes. “Are you going to tell me why that thing attacked us?”
His smile faded. “I can’t … truly can’t.”
“Can’t or won’t?” I challenged.
“Can’t. I promise! I honestly don’t know.”
I exhaled and nodded, but a knock out front stopped me from asking my next question, which would have been something on the order of How the fuck are you able to change memories?
“Hi, guys!” Jill’s perky voice chirped from the porch. Ryan stepped out into the hallway with me following, as Jill walked in through the open front door. “There’s a party and no one invited me?”
Ryan gave her a grin. “My God, what were we thinking?”
“Ryan thinks I’m too ski
Her eyes flashed mischievously. “I don’t want to intrude on y’all’s date.”
“It’s not a date,” we both said simultaneously, then turned to scowl at each other. I looked hastily away, absurdly put out that he’d been so quick to deny the possibility that lunch with me could be considered a date. It was beside the point that I’d leaped to deny it as well.
Jill let out a snort. “Oooookay, I can see that now. Sure, I’m up for food.”
I set my stack of books down on the porch and dug in my pocket for the key, oddly conflicted that Jill would be joining us. There was still a strange tension between Ryan and me, and I couldn’t decide if having Jill there would get us past what had happened in the past couple of days or if I would continue to react like a jealous third-grader every time Ryan looked her way. How about if I stop being an insecure idiot? If he decides he likes her more than he likes me, then … more power to them. They’re both my friends. I can be a grown-up about this.