Beowulf's Children

Chapter 34

THE DEVILS SING

As lines so loves oblique may well

Themselves in every angle greet:

But ours so truly parallel

Though infinite, can never meet.

ANDREW MARVELL, The Definition of Love

Carlos paused on the far side of a glen. The bees had disappeared into the trees, and there was nothing to do until he spotted another one.

Katya offered him a drink from her canteen. They leaned against the tree together. "Let's rest here for a minute. We'll catch the next bee that comes along."

"You know," Carlos said carefully, "I really wasn't surprised that you wanted to come over here. Considering that Mr. Justin was here."

She laughed.

"Yes. That's what I thought." He paused for a moment, and Katya leapt into the breach.

"You know," she said, "Justin's great, but there's something missing."

"And what is that?"

She shrugged. "I'm not sure. But sometimes I think that all of the freedom we have has made us too blase. I... " She shook her head. "I don't want to sound too retro."

Carlos's brown eyes softened. "You know, sometimes I forget that you are a woman."

"Well, thanks a lot."

"No. I mean that I forget that you're grown. It is impossible to ever forget that you are female."

She brushed a hand through her hair, shaking out a magnificently leonine mane. "Really?" She seemed cautiously pleased.

"Do you realize that this is the longest period of time that we've ever been apart?

She nodded. "Have I changed much?"

"No. Not really. But when I think of you, I envision a little girl chasing after me, trying to get my attention. If I see you every day, it doesn't really hit me how wrong that image is. But after months... well, the contrast jars a little."

"I hope you like it."

"I love it. Love you. You're everything that I might have hoped for in a daughter."

She took his hand. "Is something bothering you?"

He sighed. "I don't know. Maybe I grow more conservative with age. I was always the camp rake. I had my pick of the women here—whether they were married or not."

"I'm shocked."

"Naturally. It's just one of those things that is true—women have never been difficult for me. Sex has always been natural and comfortable.

There was never a lot of moral or spiritual baggage attached to it"

"Just a natural human function? That's what you always taught me."

"But understand—we came from a culture in which human beings have been limited in their sexual expression for thousands of years. The aftermath of a terrible sexual plague left earth even more conservative.

And when we finally came out of that time, there was a general celebration, a rejection of much of what had gone before "

"Sounds a lot like Avalon."

"No. It wasn't. Because remember that European culture's underpi

"Meaning?"

"It may be something is lost when all of the restraints are thrown away."

"Are we moralizing here?" she teased. "Carlos? The great seducer himself?"

"I'm not talking about right and wrong. I'm asking what works best? People are lonely, sweetheart. And afraid. And will do anything to fill that loneliness—for a minute, an hour, a lifetime. Sex is probably the very best way to feel... how would you say... not alone."

"Sometimes," she admitted. "There are other times when it can make things worse."

He nodded his head. "I've had a long time to think about this. I think that each stage in a relationship has a different level of communication. In the begi

"Sex is probably the ultimate," Katya said. "All the senses are engaged at the same time—"

"If you do it right."

"I'm your daughter. You expect something less?"

"Touche. What I'm saying is that two people eating di

She nodded. "We lie to ourselves about how well we know each other."

"Too often, we try desperately to believe that this other person is the missing part of ourselves—even if only for the night. Maybe it isn't love, but... how about... friendship? Caring? Compassion?"

"Let's say I agree with you." Katya said. "I'm still not sure where you're heading."

"I think I've always known that the ideal of sexual chastity was just absurd. It seemed to go against nature. Why give a young man his greatest sex drive at fifteen, and tell him he can't indulge it until he's twenty? Clearly, this wasn't nature—it was harnessing a stallion to a plow. On the other hand, you can't just rut at will, either. Back on Earth, it led to so much unwanted pregnancy and disease and disruption that it fit the image of a mortal sin."

"Women aren't men," Katya said. "We see—feel things differently. And we want more. Here on Avalon we've been free to do everything we wanted—"

"Was it enough?"

"I don't know. We thought so, but—"

He nodded. "Did you want more of a courtship ritual?"

"Something like that. Everyone knows what everyone else's body looks like. Everyone talks about what everyone else is like in bed. There might be anticipation, but there isn't much mystery."

"And you want that?"

"Part of me does. Just a part, I think, but that part feels hungry."

"What would you like with Justin?"

"You know, there is something, but I don't quite have words for it. We've known each other all our lives. Sometimes we've been lovers, and sometimes not. Sometimes we haven't even been friends..."

"And now?"

"I don't know. Maybe it's just the discovery of a new land and all of that. But the only way to take this land is with children."

"That's the way we felt, a long time ago," Carlos said. "I think that we lost a little of that as soon as it became clear that the birth rate was going to be sufficient. But... on a place like this, so wide and broad. I'm not surprised."

"Something inside me just decided that Justin is the one."

Carlos let Katya take whatever time she needed to find the right words.

"Some little switch turned on by itself," she continued. "I thought that I had everything that I wanted, both freedom and security. But it turns out that I want something else. I want someone who belongs to me."

She looked up sheepishly. "Is that selfish? Is that petty?"

Carlos squeezed her hand. "No. It used to be what everybody wanted. Then we talked ourselves out of it. Maybe we're just rediscovering how much of that is in our basic natures. I've never been one to fight against my urges. Neither should you."

She gri

"What is it?" Carlos asked.

"Two bees," she said. "Moving like bullets."

Carlos adjusted his war specs until he saw two flashes. "They're going right across that valley," he said. "And over the next ridge." He estimated the distance. "Too far for today. Let's go back. We can start in the morning."

"I'll get Justin to pick us up," Katya said. She thumbed her comm card. "Justin—"

The computer answered. "Justin and Jessica have landed in a meadow and are temporarily out of communications," Cassandra said.