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“What else could I have done? I couldn’t drive, and I couldn’t climb down that mountain in the dark.”
“You told the prosecutors that you saw Holly ru
“Yes. First I heard her-she screamed. Then you shouted, like you were in pain. I always assumed she had done something to you.”
“Clawed at my eyes. Someone taught her that. Some women, they go for the-” It was almost comical, how he gestured at his crotch, failing to find a word he considered proper or impressive enough. “It’s better to go for the eyes. Tell your daughter that.”
“Do not talk about my daughter.”
“Okay, okay. Just trying to be helpful.” He held up his hands to signal his supplication. “Yes, I probably did scream, although I don’t remember that. Here’s what I do remember, that’s a lot more important: I didn’t go after Holly.”
“You did. I saw you.”
“No you didn’t. Not if you were locked in that truck. The truck was parked on the far side of the tent, Elizabeth, away from the flap. Holly didn’t run toward it-probably because she didn’t trust you to help her-”
“That’s not fair, Walter.”
“We’re way beyond fair now. She ran toward the trees, toward the darkness. You couldn’t have seen her. And you didn’t see me chase her, because I didn’t. I was trying to find her, to help her-”
“You called her name. I heard that. And then she screamed. I heard that, too.”
“But you didn’t see me chase her, because I didn’t. All these years, that never occurred to me. I didn’t think about where the truck was. And you were so adamant in your testimony, so unwavering.”
And so determined to say what the adults wanted to hear. This was true. She had resolved not to disappoint anyone again, not to let anyone know how cowardly she had been. Yet there was the image in her mind’s eye, an image that had tortured her for years, that flash of white, Holly’s streaming hair. Walter had been right behind her, almost close enough to grab that ba
“She fell off that mountain, just like I said. All these years, I didn’t see how I could get anyone to believe me, because there you were, telling people I chased her, that you saw it. But then Barbara came along, began looking at things, reconstructing things. She was the one who realized it couldn’t be the way you said. She was the one who said I had to find you, get you to tell the truth. You probably didn’t even know you weren’t telling the truth. They brainwashed you.”
“If anyone brainwashed me, it was you,” she said. “You intimidated me to the point that you could trust me to do anything. I was scared all the time. Scared enough that I went and sat in the truck because you told me to. So scared that I didn’t try to get away from you, no matter how many chances I had.”
“Well, if you could be brainwashed by me, you could be convinced by other people, too, right? You always were susceptible, Elizabeth. You wanted to do what other people wanted you to do. First me, then the lawyers. There’s no shame in that.”
Then why did it feel as if he wanted her to feel exactly that, as if he was trying to find a way to push those buttons. “The prosecutors didn’t threaten to kill my parents and my sister if I didn’t cooperate with them. The prosecutors didn’t hit me, early on, when I didn’t do their bidding, or tie me up. The prosecutors didn’t rape me.”
“Didn’t they? They got you to tell a lie. That’s perjury, Elizabeth, and perjury is a felony. Same as rape.”
“Not quite. Not at all.”
“Still, it’s wrong to lie in court. I don’t think you lied consciously, but you were wrong. She really did fall, Elizabeth. I didn’t push her. Even if you did see me chase her-and you couldn’t because I didn’t-you couldn’t see what happened, how far I was from her when she fell.”
She shook her head. “I don’t believe you.”
For a moment, he looked angry, and Eliza could feel the deputy tightening, coiling, ready to leap in, although she was still on her mark, several inches behind it, in fact. Walter had pla
His voice tried for a cajoling tone. “That’s your right, isn’t it? To believe me or not believe me, based on the facts. That was my right, too. To have a jury hear the facts. To have them decide, based on the facts, if I did what I was accused of doing. My rights were denied me, because of your testimony. My lawyer wouldn’t put me on the stand, wouldn’t let me contradict the star witness, because you were so convincing.”
“Walter-I told the truth.”
“You thought you did, but it couldn’t be.” He lined up his left forearm on the bars. “There’s the truck, see? With the headlights where my fingers are.” He wiggled his fingers. “The tent was behind it. Holly ran in the other direction. Barbara drove to the campsite, and it’s the same, after all these years. She even went at the right time of year, last fall, almost to the day, so everything lined up. You couldn’t have seen what you said you saw.”
“Last year-you’ve been looking for me all this time, haven’t you? It wasn’t an accident. You didn’t just find me in the pages of Washingtonian. It wasn’t destiny, or serendipity.”
“Well, yes and no. I mean, yes, we were looking. But it was an accident, how I found you, and that’s a kind of serendipity. That’s how I knew you were supposed to help me. I turned the page, and there you were.” He paused. “You got so pretty, Elizabeth. I always knew you would. You weren’t my type, when you were young. I liked those tall blondes. Can you blame me? That’s what a young man likes. But it’s right, about beauty being skin deep. You’re beautiful inside, and it finally got to the outside. And you’re too good inside to let the lie stand. Not when it could cost me my life.”
“The governor doesn’t want to issue you a stay under any circumstances.”
Walter raised his eyebrows. “Fu
She looked at the floor, at the masking tape, reminding herself that she was safe. She would not cross the creek again. He could not grab her wrists, force her into a truck. So why were her knees shaking?
“Just common sense,” she said. “He almost never does.”
“You still can’t lie. That’s why I’m not mad at you.”
He wasn’t mad at her? That was rich.
“I know you believe what you testified to. At any rate, you’re right. He’s not going to commute my sentence unless something really big happens. Like, the star witness against me recanting her testimony. I wouldn’t get a new trial, under Virginia law. But if you told him that you had come to realize you were mistaken, or that the prosecutor put words in your mouth-he would have to listen, give me a stay.”
“Why would I do that?”
“I can think of three reasons. One, it’s the right thing to do. Can’t believe I need to give you more, but here goes.” He had been holding up his index finger, and now he added the middle one. “Two, I don’t see why I should share any information with you unless you prove you’re a trustworthy person. Truth for truth, Elizabeth. If I owe those other families the truth, then you owe me the same.”
“I have always been truthful.”
“Okay, then three. I still have time to give Jared Garrett an exclusive. I’ve written pages and pages and pages, which are in Barbara’s possession. He always thought things were different with us. Maybe he was right. Maybe that’s a truth that needs to go out there in the world, that we were boyfriend and girlfriend and you got jealous when I fell for Holly.”
There it was, the thing she feared most. She would be outed. Her past would become present, truth and lie would mingle, and she would spend the rest of her life explaining herself. She would have to explain to her children what happened to her, yet persuade them that they could still feel safe in this world, that their parents could protect them. Albie’s nightmares, Iso’s secrecy-this wasn’t going to help. And if Jared Garrett published Walter’s version of their relationship, how would she convince Iso that her clandestine flirtation with a seventeen-year-old was out of bounds? It was everything Eliza had feared-and, she realized, she could handle it.