First Channel

As if she were the attacking Sime, Kadi moved her hands up on Rimon's forearms, and he perceived her sensation as his laterals licked at her skin. She grasped him firmly, and that strange feeling in her increased, piercing through his lassitude. Suddenly his body came to life. His handling tentacles lashed about her arms.

I've got to stop this, Rimon thought with no conviction whatsoever. He forced his eyes open, but saw nothing—of his physical senses, only touch seemed to be operating. But Kadi started, a moment's fear—for him, not of him– and then she pressed her lips to his.

Helplessly, he accepted the life flowing to him. He was not drawing—she was giving to him, filling him. As the flow became faster and faster, immeasurably sweet, he sensed her incredulous surprise at the pleasure—pleasure? —she experienced. Then a surge of power as she drove life into him obliterated all individuality between them so that they became one flowing force suspended in time.

When it was over, Kadi remained for a moment, lying on Rimon, her lips pressed to his. The physical world reclaimed him with a jolt—her weight was real, her lips warm, her hands firm on his arms. When she lifted her head, blue eyes stared into his, flaming hair a nimbus about her awestruck face. In a bare, shivering whisper, Rimon breathed, "Kadi?"

Afraid to believe it, he lifted a hand, barely dared to brush her cheeks with dorsal tentacles. Again he spoke her name, and she smiled—and he felt his own smile emerging from the recesses of his soul, swelling his heart to bursting. In buoyant elation, he touched her with hands and tentacles, all perceptions new. He wanted to zlin her, to make certain she was real and unharmed—but when he tried, it was as if he were a child again, or a Gen, not the briefest flicker of Sime senses at his command. "Kadi—I can't– zlin. Not at all. Is this attrition?"

But he knew before she answered, "You took selyn from me—I know you did. And it didn't hurt. I wanted to give —everything, even my life."

"But why, Kadi?" What she had done was inconceivable, even though he had experienced it.

She answered his question, but not the real question deep in his heart, "You were dying! Rimon, you she

Her words blurred in his mind. He wanted to ask her how she'd done it—not why. That was important—how? But his grasp on the thought loosened and he drifted away, assured that they were both alive.

A warm, wet tongue licking his face brought Rimon awake. He opened his eyes to find Wolf greeting him enthusiastically, a bit of broken rope dangling from his neck. He pushed the dog away. "I'm glad to see you, too, boy. But if you don't mind, I prefer Kadi's kisses to yours."

"Are you all right?" Kadi asked, and Rimon's laughter faded as memory—and disbelief—returned.

But he couldn't help smiling at the sight of her concern. He felt marvelous—reborn. "Am I ever all right!" he chuckled. "We really did it, didn't we?"

"We did… something," she agreed.

He climbed to his feet, testing his limbs, his balance, and looked around. The horses were tethered to one side of the small clearing, and a fire burned merrily against a rock. While he'd been out, Kadi must have gone for the horses and made camp. I'll never underestimate her again. But she was still watching him suspiciously.

"Kadi, I feel great. Really. No aches, no pains, no dizziness—and no need. I feel like a kid again."

"You still can't zlin?"

He tried, then said, "No—but what does it matter? I don't think it's permanent… but if it is, I can get along as well as you can without it."

"Rimon, you're taking it too lightly," Kadi began.

"Baby, I have spent the past four years in varying degrees of misery. If I wasn't in need, I was feeling rotten after a kill. Can't you see it's worth anything to escape from that?"

He got up, stretched, and looked down at himself. "You changed my clothes."

"You had convulsions. I cleaned you up as best I could." But she hadn't been able to do a really good job of it.

Hearing the attractive sound of a waterfall off to one side, he said, "Ah… water. Come on, Kadi!" The fall was hardly more than a trickle cascading into a tiny pool. Rimon stripped and showered, shivering at the cold of the water, but enjoying it. When Kadi came near, he jumped out, dripping, and grabbed her playfully. She ducked away from him and ran back toward camp. Wolf joined the chase, barking merrily. Rimon caught Kadi and picked her up. "See? Now you're go

She struggled and kicked, and he let her escape long enough to strip off her clothes before Rimon caught her again and tossed her into the pool.

Wolf decided to join them, splashing around while Rimon tried to keep his footing on the slippery bottom of the pool as Kadi struggled playfully to escape. He slipped and went down backwards, and she squirmed free, soaked through, turning to laugh at the sight of Rimon sitting in the pool, 'gri

They stared at one another, laughing too hard to breathe. Then Kadi offered Rimon a hand, bracing herself lest he pull her back into the pool. He came out and leaned on her, still laughing. "Oh, Kadi, Kadi, we haven't laughed like that since we were kids," he gasped. "Remember—remember when we all used to sneak off to swim in the river on hot days?"

"The Krazy Kids," Kadi agreed.

"What happened to us?"

"Rimon," she said painfully, "you know what happened."

The laughter drained from him. He sat down heavily on the soft grass beside the pool, pulling Kadi down with him.

"Yes," he said, "I know what happened… but why did it have to happen? Why did Yahn have to turn into… Nerob? And Zeth. Why—" He choked over a sob. "Oh, Kadi, why? Why did I have to kill Zeth? Why couldn't it have been—have been—"

Kadi held him, supporting him as she always had when Zeth haunted him. And when his racking sobs subsided, she said, "It wasn't your fault, Rimon. You couldn't help it." How often she had said those words over the years…

For the first time, Rimon suddenly understood. "I know that, Kadi." The slow marvel spread through him. "It wasn't my fault___"

She hugged him tightly.

He struggled free and looked at her closely. "It's not guilt this time. It's grief. I can mourn Zeth at last because I know I was the cause of his death, but no more responsible than an avalanche or a forest fire is responsible for killing. I can think about it clearly now. Remember, I told you that—that time with Zeth, it was good during that first moment?"

"Don't think about it, Rimon. It's over."

"Yes, it's over, Kadi. So I can think about it now because… I felt that same good feeling with you today. But not just for a moment—the whole time was good. And that goodness did something to me—I don't know. It's as if– as if, because of Zeth, I didn't have to kill you. Oh, I can't explain it. I just feel it. Zeth didn't die in vain."

"I think I know what you mean," Kadi whispered, and something awakened a flicker of that delicious satisfaction he had been seeking so frantically all his adult life, only to find it right under his nose.

"Yes, I think maybe you do understand. Kadi, Zeth was Sime. He couldn't give up his selyn to me. But you could —because you're Gen. And that's what Gens are really for —not like Nerob, not like the Wild Gens. Like you."