First Channel

It was the longest ten minutes Rimon had ever counted off—but he let every second of it pass before he appeared again to collect his purchase, carefully suppressing a sigh of relief.

An hour later, Kadi was riding beside him through the open woods outside Reloc, Wolf ru

As dusk gathered, they found themselves alone, and Rimon led the horses aside through dense thicket. The little glade surrounding a small brook, where he had pitched camp, felt like home. Swinging down, he gestured at the ring of stones set for a fire, the little lean-to that sheltered some blankets. "Home," he said. "Or such a home as I can offer you, Kadi."

She sat her horse, very still in her plain white riding culottes and stiff white tunic, the collar and chain binding her to the pommel of Rimon's horse, the tags jingling every time she moved.

"Kadi? You haven't said a word to me. You don't have to act anymore. It's over… Kadi?" He loosed her chain, holding up his hands to help her down as he had always done. "Come on, let's get that horrid thing off you."

She let her eyes fall to his face. As if her courage and strength wholly deserted her, her body moved into his arms, and her next breath became a sob. Then she was crying, not hysterically,' but thoroughly and from the depths of her soul. Rimon felt how every sob cleansed her, and in the end when she couldn't stop, he carried her to the lean-to and covered her with a blanket. "Sleep if you can, baby. I'll get the fire going and make some tea."

He unstoppered a canteen and made as if to bathe her face, but she groped for it, and he held it while she drank between sobs. She drank and drank until he pulled it away, saying, "Hey, whoa, how long has it been since you drank any water? When did they feed you last?"

She shook her head, her breathing finally quieting a little. "I'm all right, now. Oh, Rimon, how can you stand the sight of me?"

"You're as beautiful as ever to me, Kadi—more so, if you want to know the truth. And I haven't come this far just to have you die of starvation before I can get you to the border."

The fire was laid ready. Rimon flicked the striker at it, and when it blazed up he set some grain to cooking in the pot slung over it. Meanwhile, he cut a piece of fruit bread, toasted it lightly, and dipped it in the honey crock. He felt the aroma finally waking Kadi's appetite, but when she took the first bite, another tear trickled down her cheek. "Mama's bread."

With one tentacle, he smoothed her hair back and tucked a stray strand behind her ear. "It's been awful, hasn't it? But it's over now, Kadi. You're safe."

"Safe? Maybe to the border, if no one catches us. But then what? What can I do in Gen Territory—how can I earn my way? I don't even know the language—and now I'm Gen, I'm too stupid to learn."

"Kadi!" How could she think such a thing? "Kadi– you're just the same. You were never stupid—"

"Neither was Nerob."

Rimon swallowed his fears. No, not Kadi. "Baby, I'm going to take care of you until you cross the border, and then you'll make a life for yourself. I know you can do it."

"You knew I'd be Sime, too—" And then she shook her head, pulling her ragged spirits together. "No, none of this is your fault. It's just that—there's no safety for me in this world, not anywhere."

Rimon sat cross-legged, watching her nibble on the bread. "Do things look so different to you now?" He reached out one handling tentacle to caress her chin where the honey had dripped. Licking it off his tentacle, he asked, "Can't you tell I still love you?"

She stared at him, her nager edged with disbelief and hope. Then she stared deliberately at his lateral orifices, tightened against his increasing need. Out of long habit, she let a finger stray along a lateral sheath, seeking to gauge his condition as the familiar sympathy welled up from deep within her, assuaging his need with an incredible new strength.

For a moment, Rimon's lateral orifices softened and his breath came in a quelled rasp. He wanted her… she wanted to help him. He could feel it—NO! He tore himself away, on his feet and pacing around the fire. His voice shook when he said, "You shouldn't do that now, Kadi."

He felt her startle reflex as she realized what had happened—and yet it was followed by trust. He had to be worthy of that trust… all the way to the border.

To break the spell, he busied himself with bringing her porridge, but he could see that she attempted to eat only to please him. There was a new tension between them. Finally she abandoned the plate and said, "The world seems different." Then, her deep blue eyes sick with memory, she asked, "At home—do they—? Oh, Rimon, I—I started to make friends with two girls in the wagon with me. Ly

"Because you didn't go get yourself killed, too? Kadi, that's just common sense!"

"No. You don't know how I felt. Oh, Rimon, have I changed so much? Things taste and smell different. And I've never cried like that before. I don't really feel like a different person—but I'm so confused!"

Everything in him wanted to comfort her. He reached out to cradle her face in his hands and kissed her as he used to do. For one moment, it was as if nothing had changed—and then, with a start, she drew back. "Rimon! Doesn't that make you—"

Puzzled, he searched himself. "It's gone," he whispered. "The need tension. No, not gone—faded away… Kadi, whatever it is you do for me, you do it even better now that you're Gen."

Rimon put his arms around Kadi in the old, sheltering gesture. She melted against his chest, and they sat for a long time watching the fire and holding each other, suspended in a moment out of time. Rimon felt all the tiny threads of self-control, of denial of need, mysteriously loosening within him. With any other Gen, Rimon knew that his current state of need would have been whipped into kill frenzy. How easy the last week of each month would be with Kadi to lean on like this. But—one flicker of fear in her, and even Kadi might be his next victim.

Yet, now that he'd tasted this—how could he give it up?

Two mornings later, they rode into the pass, taking a shortcut Kadi had learned of in the Pens. But in a few hours, they encountered such rough terrain they had to dismount and lead the horses. "Kadi, are you sure this is the way?"

"No," she answered irritably. "I'm not sure. I thought this was right, but after all, I'm only a Gen. I can get lost."

"Hey—I'm not complaining," said Rimon. "All I can tell is that we're near the border. This pass does go through, but it's awfully rough going—" He almost added "for a Gen," but thought better of it. Instead, he said, "Why don't you rest here for a few minutes while I climb that pi

Away from Kadi, he felt need sharpen. Soon, though, he forced it to the back of his mind, as he had had to do so often before around the stock.

As he topped the craggy pi