RenSime

CHAPTER 5

COMPASSION

As she finished the story, Laneff couldn't suppress the tears she hadn't been able to shed at Digen's death. She grabbed a tissue from her lab coat pocket, and then Jarmi was hugging her, sniffling in sympathy. There was no reason to fight the upwelling emotions.

In seconds, Laneff was crying openly, her arms around the Gen woman's shoulders, her face cradled against her neck. She wasn't sure if she was crying for the valiant Sectuib of the last century, for the ineffable beauty his death had let her glimpse set forever beyond her reach this side of the grave, or for the cruel parting from Shanlun, who was as good as dead to her now because she could never—ever– return to the Tecton. The sobs renewed themselves when she thought it would be kinder for Shanlun if he thought her dead now, because in mere months she'd be dead anyway.

Jarmi cried with Laneff, resonating with the same texture of emotion. It wasn't at all like Yuan. He had been a tower of strength supporting her in weakness. Jarmi understood that weakness and shared it. Together, they overcame it.

At last, Jarmi searched out a box of tissues, and over a clenched wad of them she said, "No wonder Mairis accepted the alliance with us. Digen understood junctedness as a totally separate thing from the kill. In Digen's vision of Unity, any Sime could be junct and walk the streets safely because every Gen would understand what he was. Any Sime could have that experience you had when he died."

Laneff had only told her that they'd once discussed the theory of junctedness, not why it had been brought up. "Maybe it was that forbidden glimpse that weakened my conditioning. Maybe if I hadn't been in that room then, I wouldn't have killed."

She shrugged. "We can't do science on maybes. What I don't understand is why Digen died. If K/A controlled the aborts the first time, why not the second?"

"I never had a chance to discuss that with Mairis or Shanlun. They were caught up in the funeral arrangements, and the grand convocation of Zeor to elect Mairis Sectuib. Shanlun never got to give Digen that final transfer, which left Shanlun with so much selyn he couldn't really control his fields. Mairis wasn't quite due for transfer at the time, but they arranged it for just after the funeral. Then we were scheduled to have a meeting on the data I'd collected."

"Makes sense. Underdraw is hell on those higher-order Donors. It's a travesty, what the Tecton does to them and the cha

Jarmi was standing by the door, watching Laneff, who rose from her desk chair and shrugged. "All right."

But Jarmi stayed put, tilting her head to one side. "You don't know what I'm talking about, do you?"

"Di

"No. I'm offering you a transfer date, Laneff. It's our custom around here to take meals only with a transfer partner."

Yuan had said they didn't assign for transfer here. "Jarmi, I could– kill—you."

"I doubt it. But, if it'll make you feel better, let's go to the infirmary and see a cha

"I like you, too, Jarmi. But I've never known that to make a difference."

"Well—it does around here. Look, it's also our custom that you can refuse my offer, and no hard feelings. There's no accounting for a Sime's taste in nageric timbre. We could still be friends."

In a wild moment, Laneff imagined what it would be to take transfer from this Gen—not kill her. Yuan had felt nothing from her draw. Jarmi—might. For just a hint of what Digen had felt—for a fractional taste of the killbliss that would stave off disjunction crisis and her own death—no. "Jarmi, we have to be absolutely sure that it's safe. You don't know anything about me—"

"I know that Yuan promised you a chance to live without killing, without going mad for lack of killbliss. And I know I'm that chance. I didn't know how much I was going to want to do it."

Jarmi's sincerity loosened the tough binding of Tecton law on Laneff. "Let's go see your cha

The Gen woman bounced cheerfully out the door and along the hall. "Oh, I'm so happy! I didn't know I could feel so happy!"

Laneff was buoyed on the Gen's flaring nager, surprised at how very good it felt. "Jarmi, this cha

Jarmi sobered. "We don't have any First Order cha

The infirmary was deserted except for the duty cha

Laneff didn't consider herself overly sensitive about her height, but that rankled. She looked up at the bulging muscles, estimating his weight. "I could challenge you to two falls out of three. Don't worry, I'd be careful not to injure you."

He threw his head back and laughed. "No contest! You could easily tie me in a bow knot!"

As they bantered, the cha

As Laneff moved over against the backdrop screen, standard equipment in any infirmary, she felt for the first time in her adult life as if there were no embarrassing stigma on her nager. She knew the cha

"Jarmi," ordered the cha

Jarmi stepped up against the screen to let the cha

"No you're not. You're riding a peak of hope. But from a peak, there's nowhere to go but down." Duoconscious, Laneff zli

"There's a lot you don't know about me, yet. Like—I was rejected for Third Order Donor training by the Tecton. It nearly crushed me."

The girl's accent held overtones of a Sime territory somewhere to the northwest of Householding Invor—possibly Alberta Leaf Territory. She looked as if she might have some Indian blood. "You zlin like a Third, though . . ."

The cha

Jarmi held her breath to keep from cheering. Laneff simply nodded and extended her tentacles to twine them about the cha