Dushau

"She's slipped her line!"

"You'll never catch her, Jindigar. You don't have enough burn-time in your tank."

Meaningless noise. Beyond, truth called seductively.

Anger-fraught curses in a familiar indigo voice. "I knew better than to allow an epistemological loose in space."

"Don't be ridiculous, Jindigar. She's just a human! Arlai, don't let him go!"

"Here's your trajectory, but you won't have fuel or air to get back."

"Mail them to me!"

And a roar filled Krinata's ears. She let it blank out all the little meaningless voices so she could hear truth.

Flying wholeheartedly into the depths of forever, she chased the tantalizing hints, sure that in the next instant, or now the next, she'd know how the universe was constructed. She couldn't believe she'd been afraid to come out here.

Something smashed into her, jarring her view, and for a moment she thought enlightenment had arrived. But everything went black. No stars. Tears burned her eyes. She sniffed.

"Got her!"

"We can barely hear you. I'm launching."

"Krinata, hang on. Help's coming."

She nestled into the dark, boring within for the answers denied from without. It was too beautiful to risk losing. Someone whimpered, but she couldn't offer comfort just yet.

It was hot. She was sweating, claustrophobic. Panting. But the colors were fascinating, shimmering blotches that dissolved into nothing and meant everything.

Some barely conscious part of her mind realized she was dying, suffocating, but her only regret was that she'd lost her one chance to know what she'd been searching for all her life.

The last thing she remembered was a jarring smash that seemed hard enough to break bones. But she felt no pain.

"I've got it, Arlai! Good work. We'll be right home."

And the room was bright, perfumed with flowers and delicious food aromas. It was nice to wake up in the morning on Truth. Arlai knew how to please.

Then she remembered space. Her eyes flew open, and she gaped at the Dushau and Trassle. "Damn! Sickbay again!"

Jindigar was gri

Arlai's simulacrum bent anxiously over the bed. "Krinata, I'm sorry. It was all my fault!"

Feeling ridiculously rational considering the thoughts she remembered believing, she said, "Nonsense, Arlai. I forgot how dangerous it is out there. I got distracted—"

"Because," added Arlai firmly, "I had your oxy-nitro pressure set all wrong for a human, and you went into raptures. You've been depressurized. No permanent damage."

She was weak, and she hurt all over. She didn't want to argue. "Did we save any lives?"

"Arlai insists we collected everyone who survived the blast. We only saved four of the humans. Some of the others are in critical condition." Jindigar sighed. 'Terab and her mate are fine, but their children died. Of the Oliat, only one, Desdinda, survived. I'm not sure she's going to make it. I'm not sure she wants to. Frey is with her, for what good it will do. There's no one left who's zunre to her. It was her first Oliat, only her second office."

It crashed in on her. Savagely, she crushed the blanket in her fists and tried to tear it apart. "It was a crate! Oh, why did they take a chance on that ship? Why?"

"They were desperate," said Jindigar. "And some of them have survived. Sleep now, Krinata. Razum is only a few days away. And then ail of this will be behind us."

A Dushau's idea of a "few days" was markedly different from a human's. Krinata had all the bedrest she could use, and time to get her strength back working out in the gym.

With all the new passengers, many of them in dire medical condition, Arlai was still working at capacity. The entire ship held the indefinable tang of "hospital," and Arlai no longer took time to chat with her, though he never slighted her necessities. Occasionally, however, the ship's lighting and gravity didn't adjust as she walked into a room. When Arlai apologized, she brushed him off. "I'm fine. Concentrate on those who really need you."

Gradually, she began seeing the newcomers creeping up and down the hallways in dressing gowns, surrounded by their own light and gravity as required. She longed to strike up acquaintances, but every overture she made seemed to be met by some odd combination of diffidence and distance.

As a last resort, she gravitated toward Desdinda and her inseparable companion, Frey. Frey treated her indifferently, but Desdinda was frosty. Krinata chalked that up to shock of Dissolution and tried harder to get through to her until one day, she walked right into a confrontation between Frey, Desdinda and Jindigar.

As Krinata emerged from her room, Jindigar was streaking by, Frey in hot pursuit, pleading reasonably, "But it would be the best thing for her. Even without the full Oliat, a triad subform can..."

Jindigar, too far beyond her door to notice Krinata, rounded on the boy. "Desdinda doesn't have the talent, nor the strength, nor the training." He spat out some old Dushauni interjection, and added softly, venting his frustration, "Krinata has more Oliat talent than Desdinda!"

But the Dushau woman caught up with them at that point, and stopped short, pulling herself up into a statuesque poise so perfectly centered her indignation seemed to make the very deck vibrate. Jindigar's eye lit on Krinata just as Desdinda declared to Jindigar, "/ wouldn't balance an Oliat or any subform of yours. I'll never be zunre to an Aliom priest turned Invert! And if you ever touch Grisnilter's archive, I'll... I'll..." She sputtered to a halt, unable to think of an action extreme enough. Then, following Jindigar's gaze, she found Krinata standing openly in the shaftway.

Her face went cold. Her eyes returned to Jindigar, and she uttered one, oddly inflected Dushauni word. Uninflected, it was the term for meat or food, but this sounded like an epithet. Jindigar received that as if it were a slap. Desdinda gathered up the skirt of her yellow hospital robe, turned and stalked away without a backward glance.

Frey was staring at Krinata. Jindigar said softly, "Arlai, see to Desdinda. She's not well enough to exert herself like that."

"My chairmobile caught up to her and is giving her a ride back to her room. Shall I have Rinperee visit her?"

"In a couple of hours. She needs solitude, I think. Poor child, she's so desperate, and won't let me help."

"Perhaps Grisnilter? I've taken him off sedation now, and he could have visitors."

"Perhaps," answered Jindigar, "when she's calmed down. But warn him about her."

"Oh, I will." His simulacrum vanished.

During this, Frey, embarrassed, had crept back the way he'd come. "I, uh, should be going."

Jindigar said, "We'll talk, Frey. Later."

"It's not like that, Jindigar. I know you're not an Invert."

"I was," he contradicted calmly, "and could easily be again. We'll talk. If you want to resign tutelage, then we'll dissolve without prejudice. I don't think even Desdinda would hold it against you."

"I won't go until you dismiss me."

"We'll talk," insisted Jindigar. "Later."

He let Frey go, and Krinata let out a long held breath. Jindigar said, gazing after the boy, "Go ahead. Ask."

She couldn't, so she complained rhetorically, "Why does Arlai let me walk into these things?"

"Arlai," answered Jindigar, "is preoccupied. We're carrying almost a full load now. Additionally, he's unaware of emotionally charged conversations unless his name is mentioned, or ship's security is involved." His eyes came to hers sympathetically. "Ask the real question, Krinata."

"All right. What are you? What does she think you are that he thinks you're not, that you insist you are, and what does all that mean to me? If anything." And what do you mean I have as much talent as Desdinda? Which one of us are you insulting? But she wasn't going to say that aloud.