Shikasta

The first thing I have to think about is Hasan. Soon after George came back from the year on the farm, Hasan came to the house and George began spending time with him. If you come to think of it, it is fu

The first time, it was New York. George must have been only seven. There was a woman who came a lot, and she used to take George out to see things and do things. Once or twice Benjamin went too but he didn't like her. I asked George what they did and he said, We talk about things. I didn't think much about that then, but I am now. And then on holiday in Wales, the three of us. There was a man came from Scotland. We believed he was an expert in co

I have asked Mother about it. (Have just finished asking.) She knew exactly what I was asking from the first word I said.  She had been expecting me to ask her one day and had wondered how to answer. I could see all that as soon as I asked her. She set herself carefully to answer all my questions. She has always been patient about questions. I have understood this because of watching other mothers with questions from their children. When Mother gets asked a question she makes it clear that she thinks it is important and she is taking it seriously.

I said I was writing this. Well she knew that. I said I had to get my facts right. And then I told her that as I wrote I was understanding things. She was not at all surprised by that. She told me a lot about Martin. Who he was and that kind of thing. And about the tutors and the woman in New York. But when she had ended with saying that they were like this and like that and did this kind of work or whatever, she said to me, as if I had asked some exact question, I don't know, Rachel. The way she answered that, framed the question I hadn't asked.

I will put down where this is happening. We are in a little house with a flat roof. We like it better than the big block of flats where we were first. This is in a part of the town where it is nearly all local people, i.e., Natives. So called. They are most of them lovely and we have friends among them. I mean, real friends. At night we often sleep on the roof. It is lovely. We lie out, on mattresses and look at the stars and talk. This is the best time ever for us all. I get so happy I don't know what to do with myself. When the family is together at last. Because that isn't often. Father for instance is away this minute, organising hospitals with a team of doctors. Doctors "All-Sorts," Benjamin calls teams like this, meaning, all races. Father is working very hard. Well, I suppose that goes without saying.

There are some small rooms around a court. The rooms have earth floors. This is not a house "people like us" live in often. Some of the white people say we are "eccentric." I'd rather be eccentric and sleep on the roof and look at the stars and the moon.

Mother is at this minute in the court, writing a report for the WHO. The court is not just for us but for several families. There is a lot of noise. She works with everything going on, kids playing etc. There are some lilies in a big terra-cotta pot, and a rather dingy little pool, dusty, but it is better than nothing.

Mother is sitting on a cushion on the edge of the pool writing. I sat on the edge of the pool too.

I didn't have to prod her after she said, I don't know, Rachel - I just sat and waited... I thought perhaps she would not say anything at all. I understand her when she doesn't. We are together so much, we know what we are thinking. I knew that Mother knew I was in one of those times when we understand things suddenly, all at once.

She said to me, What do you think about it?

That surprised me, I must confess. She said it in a low voice, not frightened, not like that, but as if truly not knowing what to say, and as if she truly thought I might be able to say something she hadn't thought of.

I said, Well, Olga, it seems to me as if there is something very fu

She said, Yes. Yes.

We sat there quite a long time. It wasn't as if this was a good time to have an important talk. I mean, because of the children. The baby from the room across the court would have fallen into the pool if I hadn't got hold of it, for instance.

I said, It is only now I have had a sudden feeling that there was something all the time.

Yes, it started very early. George was seven.

Yes, with the woman in New York.

Miriam.

She was a Jewish woman?

Yes.

It hasn't ever mattered what they were.

No.

Then I said to her, in the same tone of voice she had used to me, low, and in my case it was because I was a bit afraid, really, George is special in some way?

Yes, that must be it.

What does Simon think?

He saw it first. I was quite frightened about it all at one point, Rachel. But he told me not to be. He told me to think about it. So I did. I have never thought about anything so hard in my life. I believe that since then that is what I have been thinking about. Yes, I can say that, Rachel.

That was all for then. I took the baby back to its mother. There is one thing about living like this. No one could say we aren't integrated with Moroccan life at its roots.

I have been sitting here thinking. This room is my bedroom. It is more like a cubbyhole. But I like it. It is very cool. It is all mud. It has an earthy smell. A damp smell, because I sprinkle water in the morning before the sun gets hot. And I throw down water outside the door morning and evening, to keep the dust down, and the smell is gorgeous.

When I look out of the door, there is blue sky. That's all. Blue sky. Hot.

There are two things on my mind at this moment.

One is this. Benjamin. One of the reasons Benjamin is so difficult and awful and sulks so much, and tries to quarrel with George is, he is jealous because George goes with Hasan so much. But Hasan has more than once asked him to go out to a cafe or something but Benjamin never will. That is because he thinks he is being put off with a cafe or a walk in the evening. I know this because unfortunately I have only to watch myself to know. I think of George having all kinds of really deep experiences with Hasan, I don't know what, and cafes aren't much. But I've asked George at nights when we lie out on the roof and he says: We talk, that's all.