Remember Me?

A tiny, sensible voice in my head is telling me to leave it. Forget about it. It’s only a basket of muffins, for God’s sake.

But I can’t. I can’t just sit here. On impulse I leap to my feet again and head into the main office. There’s the basket, still untouched. Everyone is typing away or on the phone, ignoring both me and the muffins.

“So!” I try to sound relaxed. “Nobody wants a muffin? They’re really nice ones!”

“Muffin?” Fi says at last, her brow wrinkled. “I can’t see any muffins.” She looks around the office as though baffled. “Anyone seen any muffins?”

Everyone shrugs, as though equally baffled.

“Do you mean an English muffin?” Carolyn’s brow is wrinkled. “Or a French muffin?”

“They do muffins at Starbucks. I could send out if you like,” Debs says, barely hiding her giggles.

Ha-ha. Really fu

“Fine!” I say, trying to hide my hurt. “If you want to be childish about it, then that’s fine. Just forget it. I was only trying to be nice.”

Breathing hard, I stalk out again. I can hear the sniggers and giggles behind me, but I try to block my ears. I have to keep my dignity; I have to be calm and bosslike. I mustn’t rise. I mustn’t react.

Oh God. I can’t help it. Hurt and anger are rising through me like a volcano. How can they be so mean?

“Actually, it’s not fine.” I march back into the office, my face burning. “Look, I went to a lot of time and trouble to get these muffins, because I thought it would be nice to give you a treat, and now you’re pretending you can’t even see them…”

“I’m sorry, Lexi.” Fi appears blank and apologetic. “I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Carolyn snorts with laughter-and something inside me snaps.

“I’m talking about this!” I grab a chocolate-chip muffin and brandish it at Fi’s face, and she shrinks away. “It’s a muffin! It’s a bloody muffin! Well, fine! If you’re not going to eat it, then I will!” I stuff the muffin into my mouth and start chewing it furiously, then take another bite. Huge crumbs are falling all over the floor, but I don’t care. “In fact, I’ll eat all of them!” I add. “Why not?” I grab an iced blueberry muffin and cram that in my mouth too. “Mmm, yum!”

“Lexi?” I turn and my insides shrivel up. Simon Johnson and Byron are standing at the door to the office.

Byron looks like he wants to burst with delight. Simon’s regarding me as though I’m the crazy gorilla throwing its food around at the zoo.

“S-Simon!” I splutter muffin crumbs in horror. “Um…hi! How are you?”

“I just wanted a quick word, if you’re not…busy?” Simon raises his eyebrows.

“Of course not!” I smooth my hair down, desperately trying to swallow my mouthful. “Come through to my office.”

As I pass by the glass door I catch my reflection and wince at my eyes, all red from tiredness. My hair looks a bit all over the place too. Maybe I should have put it up. Oh well, nothing I can do about it now.

“So, Lexi,” Simon says as I close the door and dump my half-eaten muffins on the desk. “I just had a good meeting with Byron about June ’07. I’m sure he’s been filling you in on developments.”

“Sure.” I nod, trying to look like I know what he’s referring to. But “June ’07” means absolutely nothing to me. Is something happening then?

“I’m scheduling in a final decision meeting for Monday. I won’t say any more just now. Obviously discretion is crucial…” Simon breaks off, his forehead suddenly furrowed. “I know you’ve had reservations, Lexi. We all have. But really, there are no more options.”

What’s he talking about? What?

“Well, Simon, I’m sure we can work it out,” I bluff, desperately hoping he won’t ask me to elaborate.

“Good girl, Lexi. Knew you’d come around.” He raises his voice again, sounding more cheerful. “I’m seeing James Garrison later on, the new guy at Southeys. What do you make of him?”

Thank God. At last, something I’ve heard of.

“Ah yes,” I say briskly. “Well, unfortunately I gather Southeys isn’t up to scratch, Simon. We’ll have to look elsewhere for a distributor.”

“I beg to differ, Lexi!” Byron cuts in with a laugh. “Southeys has just offered us an improved rate and service package.” He turns to Simon. “I was with them all day last week, along with Keith from Soft Furnishings. James Garrison has turned the place around. We were impressed.”

My face is burning. Bastard.

“Lexi, don’t you agree with Byron?” Simon turns to me in surprise. “Have you met James Garrison?”

“I…um…no, I haven’t.” I swallow. “I’m…I’m sure you’re right, Byron.”

He has completely shafted me. On purpose.

There’s a horrible pause. I can see Simon regarding me with puzzled disappointment. “Right,” he says at last. “Well, I must be off. Good to see you, Lexi.”

“Bye, Simon.” I usher him out of my office, trying my best to sound confident and senior-management-like. “Look forward to catching up again soon. Maybe we can do that lunch sometime…”

“Hey, Lexi,” Byron says suddenly, gesturing at my bum. “There’s something on your skirt.” I grope behind me, and find myself peeling off a Post-it. I look at it-and the ground seems to swivel beneath me like quicksand. Someone’s printed, in pink felt-tip: I fancy Simon Johnson.

I can’t look at Simon Johnson. My head feels like it’s about to explode.

Byron snorts with laughter. “There’s another one.” He jerks his head and numbly I peel off a second Post-it: Simon, do it to me!

“Just a silly prank!” I crumple up the Post-its desperately. “The staff having a bit of…fun…”

Simon Johnson doesn’t look amused.

“Right,” he says after a pause. “Well, I’ll see you, Lexi.”

He turns on his heel and heads away, down the corridor, with Byron. After a moment I hear Byron saying, “Simon, now do you see? She’s absolutely…”

I stand there, watching them go, still quivering in shock. That’s it. My career’s ruined before I’ve even had a chance to try it out. In a daze I walk back into my office and sink into my chair. I can’t do this job. I’m knackered. Byron’s shafted me. No one wants my muffins.

At that last thought I feel an enormous pang of hurt-and then suddenly I can’t help it, a tear is ru

“Hi.” A voice pierces my thoughts and I raise my head to see Fi standing just inside the doorway.

“Oh. Hi.” I wipe my eyes roughly. “Sorry. I was just…”

“Are you okay?” she says awkwardly.

“I’m fine. Fine.” I scrabble in my desk drawer for a tissue and blow my nose. “Can I do anything for you?”

“Sorry about the Post-its.” She bites her lip. “We never thought Simon would come down. It was just supposed to be a laugh.”

“’S all right.” My voice is shaky. “You weren’t to know.”

“What did he say?”

“He wasn’t impressed.” I sigh. “But he’s not impressed with me anyway, so what’s the difference?” I tear off a bit of chocolate-chip muffin, stuff it in my mouth, and feel immediately better. For about a nanosecond.

Fi is just staring at me.

“I thought you didn’t eat carbs anymore,” she says at last.

“Yeah, right. Like I could live without chocolate.” I take another massive bite of muffin. “Women need chocolate. It’s a scientific fact.”

There’s silence, and I look up to see Fi still gazing at me uncertainly. “It’s so strange,” she says. “You sound like the old Lexi.”

“I am the old Lexi.” I feel suddenly weary at having to explain all over again. “Fi…imagine you woke up tomorrow and it was suddenly 2010. And you had to slot into some new life and be some new person. Well, that’s what this is like for me.” I break off another piece of muffin and survey it for a few moments, then put it down again. “And I don’t recognize the new person. I don’t know why she is like she is. And it’s kind of…it’s hard.”