Remember Me?

“A pet?” I’m still gazing at the screen, dazzled.

“We each have one.” Eric smiles. “This is mine, Titan.” He flicks his control and an image appears on the screen of a massive stripy spider, prowling around a glass box.

“Oh my God!” I back away, feeling sick. I’ve never been great with spiders, and that one is about ten feet high. You can see the hairs on its horrible legs. You can see its face. “Could you possibly switch that off, please?”

“What’s wrong?” Eric looks surprised. “I showed Titan to you on your first visit here. You said you thought he was adorable.”

Great. It was our first date. I said I liked the spider to be polite, and now I’m stuck with it.

“You know what?” I say, trying to keep my gaze averted from Titan. “The crash could have given me a spider phobia.” I try to sound knowledgeable, like I heard this from a doctor or something.

“Maybe.” Eric has a slight frown, as though he’s about to pick holes in this theory. As well he might.

“So I have a pet too?” I say quickly, to distract him. “What is it?”

“Here you go.” He zaps at the screen. “Here’s Arthur.” A fluffy white kitten appears on the screen and I cry out in delight.

“He’s so cute!” I watch him playing with a ball of string, batting it and tumbling over. “Does he grow up into a cat?”

“No.” Eric smiles. “He stays as a kitten indefinitely. All your life, if you want. They have a life capacity of one hundred thousand years.”

“Oh, right,” I say after a pause. Actually, that’s freakish. A one-hundred-thousand-year-old virtual kitten.

Eric’s phone beeps and he flips it open, then zaps at the screen again to restore the fish. “Sweetheart, my driver’s here. I’m going to have to go to the office briefly. But Rosalie is on her way to keep you company. Until then, if anything bothers you, just call me at once-or you can e-mail me through the system.” He hands me a rectangular white gadget with a screen. “Here’s your remote control. It controls heating, ventilation, lighting, doors, blinds…Everything here is intelligent. But you shouldn’t need to use it. All the settings are in place.”

“We have a remote-control house?” I want to laugh.

“It’s all part of loft-style living!” He makes the parallel hand gesture again, and I nod, trying not to give away how overwhelmed I am.

I watch as he shrugs on his jacket. “So…how exactly does Rosalie fit in?”

“She’s the wife of my partner, Clive. You two have a great time together.”

“Does she hang out with me and the other girls from the office?” I ask. “Like Fi and Carolyn? Do we all go out together?”

“Who?” Eric looks blank. Maybe he’s one of those guys who doesn’t keep up with his wife’s social life.

“Never mind,” I say quickly. “I’ll work it all out.”

“Gia

“Thanks, Eric.” I put my hand over his and squeeze it. “I really appreciate it.”

“Welcome back, darling,” he says a little gruffly. Then he disengages his hand and heads toward the door, and a moment later it closes behind him.

I’m alone. Alone in my marital home. As I look around the huge space again, taking in the Lucite cube coffee table, the leather chaise, the art books…I realize I can’t see that many signs of me. There are no brightly colored pottery jugs or fairy lights or piles of paperbacks.

Well, Eric and I probably wanted to start again, choosing things together. And we probably got loads of amazing wedding presents. Those blue-glass vases on the mantelpiece look like they cost a fortune.

I wander over to the huge windows and peer down at the street below. There’s no noise or draft or anything. I watch a man carry a package into a taxi far below and a woman struggling with a dog on a lead. Then I pull out my phone and start texting Fi. I have to talk to her about all of this. I’ll get her to come around later. We’ll curl up on the sofa and she can fill me in on my life, starting with Eric. I can’t help smiling with anticipation as I press the buttons.

Hi! Back home-give me a call! Can’t wait to c u!!! Lxxxx

I send the same text to Carolyn and Debs. Then I put my phone away and swivel around on the shiny wooden floor. I’ve been trying to keep up a nonchalant air in front of Eric, but now that I’m alone I can feel a beam of elation popping through. I never thought I’d live anywhere like this, ever.

A laugh suddenly bubbles to my lips. I mean, it’s crazy. Me. In this place!

I swivel again on the floor, then start twirling, my arms out, laughing madly. I, Lexi Smart, live here in this state-of-the-art remote-controlled palace!

Sorry, Lexi Gardiner.

This thought makes me giggle even more. I didn’t even know my own married name when I woke up. What if it had been Pratt-Bottom? What would I have said then? “Sorry, Eric, you seem a lovely guy, but there’s absolutely no way on earth…”

Crash. The sound of breaking glass interrupts my thoughts. I stop twirling in horror. Somehow I accidentally caught my hand on a glass leopard that was leaping through the air on a display shelf. Now it’s lying on the floor in two pieces.

I’ve broken a priceless ornament, and I’ve only been in the place about three minutes.

Shit.

I cautiously bend down and touch the bigger tail-end piece. There’s a nasty jagged edge and some splinters of glass on the floor. There’s no way this can be mended.

I’m hot with panic. What am I going to do? What if it was worth ten thousand quid, like the sofa? What if it’s some family heirloom of Eric’s? What was I thinking, twirling around?

Gingerly I pick up the first piece, and then the second. I’ll have to sweep up the splinters of glass and then-

An electronic beep interrupts me and my head jerks up. The giant screen opposite has turned bright blue with a message in green capitals.

HI, LEXI-HOW ARE YOU DOING?

Fuck! He can see me. He’s watching me. It’s Big Brother!

In terror I leap to my feet and shove the two pieces of glass under a cushion on the sofa.

“Hi,” I say to the blue screen, my heart pounding. “I didn’t mean to do that, it was an accident…”

There’s silence. The screen isn’t moving or reacting in any way.

“Eric?” I try again.

There’s no reply.

Okay…maybe he can’t see me after all. He must be typing this from the car. Cautiously I venture over to the screen and notice a wall-mounted keyboard and tiny silver mouse, discreetly tucked away to the side. I click on Reply and slowly type FINE, THANKS!

I could leave it there. I could find a way to fix the leopard…or replace it somehow…

No. Come on. I can’t start off my brand-new marriage by keeping secrets from my husband. I have to be brave and own up. HAVE BROKEN GLASS LEOPARD BY MISTAKE, I type. REALLY SORRY. HOPE IS NOT IRREPLACEABLE?

I press Send and pace about as I wait for the reply, telling myself over and over not to worry. I mean, I don’t know for certain that it’s a priceless ornament, do I? Maybe we won it in a raffle. Maybe it’s mine, and Eric’s always hated it. How am I supposed to know?

How am I supposed to know anything?

I sink down onto a chair, suddenly overwhelmed by how little I know about my own life. If I’d known I was going to get amnesia, I would have at least written myself a note. Given myself a few tips. Be careful of the glass leopard, it’s worth a bloody fortune. P.S., you like spiders.

There’s a beep from the screen. I catch my breath and look up. OF COURSE IS NOT IRREPLACEABLE! DON’T WORRY.

I feel a huge whoosh of relief. It’s all right.