Can You Keep A Secret?

'I see,' says Jack thoughtfully. 'So… you don't like double chocolate chip Haagen-Dazs icecream.'

I gaze at him, discomfited.

'I…' I clear my throat several times. 'Some things, obviously, I did mean-'

The lift doors ping, and both our heads jerk up.

'Jack!' says Cyril, standing on the other side of the doors. 'I wondered where you were.'

'I've been having a nice chat with Emma here,' says Jack. 'She kindly offered to show me the

way.'

'Ah.' Cyril's eyes run dismissively over me. 'Well, they're waiting for you in the studio.'

'So, um… I'll just go, then,' I say awkwardly.

'See you later,' says Jack with a grin. 'Good talking to you, Emma.'

NINE

As I leave the office that evening I feel all agitated, like one of those snow globes. I was

perfectly happy being an ordinary, dull little Swiss village. But now Jack Harper's come and

shaken me up, and there are snowflakes all over the place, whirling around, not knowing what

they think any more.

And bits of glitter, too. Tiny bits of shiny, secret excitement.

Every time I catch his eye or hear his voice, it's like a dart to my chest.

Which is ridiculous. Ridiculous.

Co

with him. And we're going to have wooden floors and shutters and granite worktops. So there.

So there.

I arrive home to find Lissy on her knees in the sitting room, helping Jemima into the tightest

black suede dress I've ever seen.

'Wow!' I say, as I put down my bag. 'That's amazing!'

'There!' pants Lissy, and sits back on her heels. 'That's the zip done. Can you breathe?'

Jemima doesn't move a muscle. Lissy and I glance at each other.

'Jemima!' says Lissy in alarm. 'Can you breathe?'

'Kind of,' says Jemima at last. 'I'll be fine.' Very slowly, with a totally rigid body, she totters

over to where her Louis Vuitton bag is resting on a chair.

'What happens if you need to go to the loo?' I say, staring at her.

'Or go back to his place?' says Lissy with a giggle.

'It's only our second date! I'm not going to go back to his place!' Jemima says in horror. 'That's

not the way to -' she struggles for breath '— to get a rock on your finger.'

'But what if you get carried away with desire for each other?'

'What if he gropes you in the taxi?'

'He's not like that,' says Jemima, with a roll of her eyes. 'He happens to be the First Assistant

Undersecretary to the Secretary of the Treasury, actually.'

I meet Lissy's eyes and I can't help it, I give a snort of laughter.

'Emma, don't laugh,' says Lissy, deadpan. 'There's nothing wrong with being a secretary. He

can always move up, get himself a few qualifications…'

'Oh ha ha, very fu

think you'll be laughing then.'

'Oh, I expect I will,' says Lissy. 'Even more so.' She suddenly focuses on Jemima, who is still

standing by the chair, trying to reach her bag. 'Oh my God! You can't even pick up your bag,

can you?'

'I can!' says Jemima, making one last desperate effort to bend her body. 'Of course I can.

There!' She manages to scoop up the strap on the end of one of her acrylic fingernails, and

triumphantly swings it onto her shoulder. 'You see?'

'What if he suggests dancing?' says Lissy slyly. 'What will you do then?'

A look of total panic briefly crosses Jemima's face, then disappears.

'He won't,' she says scornfully. 'Englishmen never suggest dancing.'

'Fair point.' Lissy grins. 'Have a good time.'

As Jemima disappears out of the door, I sink down heavily onto the-sofa and reach for a

magazine. I glance up at Lissy, but she's staring ahead with a preoccupied look on her face.

'Conditional!' she says suddenly. 'Of course! How could I have been so stupid?'

She scrabbles around under the sofa, pulls out several old newspaper crosswords and starts

searching through them.

Honestly. As if being a top lawyer didn't use up enough brain power, Lissy spends her whole

time doing crosswords and games of chess by correspondence, and special brainy puzzles

which she gets from her geeky society of extra-clever people. (It's not called that, of course.

It's called something like 'Mindset — for people who like to think'. Then at the bottom it

casually mentions that you need an IQ of 600 in order to join.)

And if she can't solve a clue, she doesn't just throw it out, saying 'stupid puzzle' like I would.

She saves it. Then about three months later, when we're watching EastEnders or something,

she'll suddenly come up with the answer. And she's ecstatic! Just because she gets the last

word in the box, or whatever.

Lissy's my oldest friend, and I really love her. But sometimes I really do not understand her.

'What's that?' I say, as she writes in the answer. 'Some crossword from 1993?'

'Ha ha,' she says absently. 'So what are you doing this evening?'

'I thought I'd have a quiet evening in,' I say, flicking through the magazine. 'In fact, I might go

through my clothes,' I add, as my eyes fall on an article entitled 'Essential Wardrobe Upkeep'.

'Do what?'

'I thought I'd check them all for missing buttons and drooping hems,' I say, reading the article.

'And brush all my jackets with a clothes brush.'

'Have you got a clothes brush?'

'With a hairbrush then.'

'Oh right.' She shrugs. 'Oh well. Because I was just wondering, do you want to go out?'

'Ooh!' My magazine slithers to the floor. 'Where?'

'Guess what I've got?' She raises her eyebrows tantalizingly, then fishes in her bag. Very

slowly she pulls out a large, rusty keyring, to which a brand new Yale is attached.

'What's that?' I begin, puzzledly — then suddenly realize. 'No!'

'Yes! I'm in!'

'Oh my God Lissy!'

'I know!' Lissy beams at me. 'Isn't it fab?'

The key which Lissy is holding is the coolest key in the world. It opens the door to a private

members' club in Clerkenwell, which is completely happening and impossible to get into.

And Lissy got in!

'Lissy, you're the coolest!'

'No I'm not,' she says, looking pleased. 'It was Jasper at my chambers. He knows everyone on

the committee.'

'Well I don't care who it was. I'm so impressed!'

I take the key from her and look at it in fascination, but there's nothing on it. No name, no

address, no logo, no nothing. It looks a bit like the key to my dad's garden shed, I find myself

thinking. But obviously way, way cooler, I add hastily.

'So who do you think'll be there?' I look up. 'You know, apparently Mado

And Jude and Sadie! And that gorgeous new actor from EastEnders. Except everyone says

he's gay really…'

'Emma,' interrupts Lissy. 'You do know celebrities aren't guaranteed.'

'I know!' I say, a little offended.

Honestly. Who does Lissy think I am? I'm a cool and sophisticated Londoner. I don't get

excited by stupid celebrities. I was just mentioning it, that's all.

'In fact,' I add after a pause, 'it probably spoils the atmosphere if the place is stuffed full of

famous people. I mean, can you think of anything worse than sitting at a table, trying to have

a nice normal conversation, while all around you are movie stars and supermodels and… and

pop stars…'

There's a pause while we both think about this.

'So,' says Lissy casually. 'We might as well go and get ready.'

'Why not?' I say, equally casually.