Can You Keep A Secret?

'Lissy,' I call asl go into the kitchen. 'You will not believe what happened today.' I open the

fridge, take out a bottle of Evian and hold it against my hot forehead. After a while I open the

bottle and take a few swigs, then wander out into the hall again to see Lissy's door opening.

'Lissy!' I begin. 'What on earth were you-'

And then I halt, as out of the door comes not Lissy, but a man.

A man! A tall thin guy in trendy black trousers and steel spectacles.

'Oh,' I say, taken aback. 'Er… hi.'

'Emma!' says Lissy, following him out. She's wearing a T-shirt over some grey leggings I've

never seen before, is drinking a glass of water and looks startled to see me. 'You're home

early.'

'I know. I was in a hurry.'

This is Jean-Paul,' says Lissy. 'Jean-Paul, my flatmate Emma.'

'Hello, Jean-Paul,' I say with a friendly smile.

'Good to meet you, Emma,' says Jean-Paul, in a French accent.

God, French accents are sexy. I mean, they just are.

'Jean-Paul and I were just… um… going over some case notes,' says Lissy.

'Oh right,' I say brightly. 'Lovely!'

Case notes. Yeah, right. Because that would really make a whole load of thumping noises.

Lissy is such a dark horse!

'I must be going,' says Jean-Paul, looking at Lissy.

'I'll just see you out,' she says, flustered.

She disappears out of the front door, and I can hear the two of them murmuring on the landing.

I take a few more swigs of Evian, then walk into the sitting room and slump down heavily on

the sofa. My whole body's aching from sitting rigid with tension all day. This is seriously bad

for my health. How on earth am I going to survive a whole week of Jack Harper?

'So!' I say as Lissy walks back into the room. 'What's going on?'

'What do you mean?' she says shiftily.

'You and Jean-Paul! How long have you two been…'

'We're not,' starts Lissy, turning red. 'It's not… We were going over case notes. That's all.'

'Sure you were.'

'We were! That's all it was!'

'OK,' I say, raising my eyebrows. 'If you say so.'

Lissy sometimes gets like this, all shy and abashed. I'll just have to get her pissed one night,

and she'll admit it.

'So how was your day?' she says, sinking onto the floor and reaching for a magazine.

How was my day?

I don't even know where to start.

'My day,' I say at last. 'My day was a bit of a nightmare.'

'Really?' says Lissy, looking up in surprise.

'No, take that back. It was a complete nightmare.'

'What happened?' Lissy's attention is fully grabbed. 'Tell me!'

'OK.' I take a deep breath and smooth my hair back, wondering where on earth to start. 'OK,

remember I had that awful flight back from Scotland last week?'

'Yes!' Lissy's face lights up. 'And Co

'Yes. Well.' I clear my throat. 'Before that. On the flight. There was this… this man sitting

next to me. And the plane got really turbulent.' I bite my lip. 'And the thing is, I honestly

thought we were all going to die and this was the last person I would ever see, and… I…'

'Oh my God!' Lissy claps her hand over her mouth. 'You didn't have sex with him.'

'Worse! I told him all my secrets.'

I'm expecting Lissy to gasp, or say something sympathetic like 'Oh no!' but she's staring at me

blankly.

'What secrets?'

'My secrets. You know.'

Lissy looks as if I've told her I've got an artificial leg.

'You have secrets?'

'Of course I have secrets!' I say. 'Everyone has a few secrets.'

'I don't!' she says at once, looking offended. 'I don't have any secrets.'

'Yes you do!'

'Like what?'

'Like… like… OK.' I start counting off on my fingers. 'You never told your dad it was you

who lost the garage key that time.'

'That was ages ago!' says Lissy scornfully.

'You never told Simon you were hoping he might propose to you…'

'I wasn't!' says Lissy, colouring. 'Well, OK, maybe I was…'

'You think that sad guy next door fancies you…'

'That's not a secret!' she says, rolling her eyes.

'Oh right. Shall I tell him, then?' I lean back towards the open window. 'Hey Mike,' I call.

'Guess what? Lissy thinks you-'

'Stop!' says Lissy frantically.

'You see? You have got secrets. Everyone has secrets. The Pope probably has a few secrets.'

'OK,' says Lissy. 'OK. You've made your point. But I don't understand what the problem is.

So you told some guy on a plane your secrets-'

'And now he's turned up at work.'

'What?' Lissy stares at me. 'Are you serious? Who is he?'

'He's…' I'm about to say Jack Harper's name when I remember the promise I made. 'He's just

this… this guy who's come in to observe,' I say vaguely.

'Is he senior?'

'He's… yes. You could say he's pretty senior.'

'Blimey.' Lissy frowns, thinking for a few moments. 'Well, does it really matter? If he knows

a few things about you.'

'Lissy, it wasn't just a few things.' I feel myself flush slightly. 'It was everything. I told him I

faked a grade on my CV.'

'You faked a grade on your CV?' echoes Lissy in shock. 'Are you serious?'

'I told him about feeding Artemis's spider plant orange juice, I told him I find G-strings

uncomfortable…'

I tail off to see Lissy staring at me, aghast.

'Emma,' she says at last. 'Have you ever heard the phrase "too much information?"'

'I didn't mean to say any of it!' I retort defensively. 'It just kind of came out! I'd had three

vodkas, and I thought we were about to die. Honestly, Lissy, you would have been the same.

Everyone was screaming, people were praying, the plane was lurching around…'

'So you blab all your secrets to your boss.'

'But he wasn't my boss on the plane!' I cry in frustration. 'He was just some stranger. I was

never supposed to see him again!'

There's silence as Lissy takes this all in.

'You know, this is like what happened to my cousin,' she says at last. 'She went to a party, and

there, right in front of her, was the doctor who'd delivered her baby two months before.'

'Ooh.' I pull a face.

'Exactly! She said she was so embarrassed, she had to leave. I mean, he'd seen everything!

She said somehow it didn't matter when she was in a hospital room, but when she saw him

standing there, holding a glass of wine and chatting about house prices, it was a different

matter.'

'Well, this is the same,' I say hopelessly. 'He knows all my most intimate, personal details. But

the difference is, I can't just leave! I have to sit there and pretend to be a good employee. And

he knows I'm not.'

'So what are you going to do?'

'I don't know! I suppose all I can do is try to avoid him.'

'How long is he over for?'

'The rest of the week,' I say despairingly. 'The whole week.'

I pick up the zapper and turn on the television and for a few moments we stare silently at a

load of dancing models in Gap jeans.

The ad finishes, and I look up again, to see Lissy looking at me curiously.

'What?' I say. 'What is it?'

'Emma…' She clears her throat awkwardly. 'You don't have any secrets from me, do you?'

'From you?' I say, slightly thrown.

A series of images flashes rapidly through my mind. That weird dream I once had about Lissy

and me being lesbians. Those couple of times I've bought supermarket carrots and sworn to

her they were organic. The time when we were fifteen and she went to France and I got off

with Mike Appleton whom she had a complete crush on, and never told her.

'No! Of course not!' I say, and quickly take a sip of water. 'Why? Have you got any from me?'