Can You Keep A Secret?

Jack Harper's arrival, everything got buggered up.'

'That's OK.'

I try to smile but my mouth is suddenly dry. I can't believe how nervous I feel. This is worse

than a school report.

'OK. So… Emma Corrigan.' He looks at the form and starts ticking boxes. 'Generally, you're

doing fine. You're not generally late… you understand the tasks given to you… you're fairly

efficient… you work OK with your colleagues… blah blah… blah… Any problems?' he

says, looking up.

'Er… no.'

'Do you feel racially harassed?'

'Er… no.'

'Good.' He ticks another box. 'Well I think that's it. Well done. Can you send Nick in to see

me?'

What? Has he forgotten?

'Um, what about my promotion?' I say, trying not to sound too anxious.

'Promotion?' He stares at me. 'What promotion?'

'To Marketing Executive.'

'What the fuck are you talking about?'

'It said. It said in the ad for my job…' I pull the crumpled ad out of my jeans pocket, where

it's been since yesterday. '"Possible promotion after a year." It says it right there.' I push it

across the desk, and he looks at it with a frown.

'Emma, that was only for exceptional candidates. You're not ready for a promotion. You'll

have to prove yourself first.'

'But I'm doing everything as well as I can! If you just give me a chance-'

'You had the chance at Glen Oil.' Paul raises his eyebrows at me and I feel a twinge of

humiliation. 'Emma, bottom line is, you're not ready for a higher position. In a year we'll see.'

'A year?'

'OK? Now hop it.'

My mind is whirling. I have to accept this in a calm, dignified way. I have to say something

like 'I respect your decision, Paul', shake his hand and leave the room. This is what I have to

do.

The only trouble is, I can't seem to get up out of my chair.

After a few moments Paul looks puzzledly at me. 'That's it, Emma.'

I can't move. Once I leave this room, it's over. '

'Emma?'

'Please promote me,' I say desperately. 'Please. I have to get a promotion to impress my family.

It's the only thing I want in the whole world, and I'll work so hard, I promise, I'll come in at

weekends, and I'll… I'll wear smart suits…'

'What?' Paul is staring at me as though I've turned into a goldfish.

'You don't have to pay me any more salary! I'll do all the same jobs as before. I'll even pay to

have my new business cards printed! I mean, it won't make any difference to you. You won't

even know I've been promoted!'

I break off, breathing hard.

'I think you'll find that's not quite the point of promotion, Emma,' says Paul sarcastically. 'I'm

afraid the answer's no. Even more so.'

'But-'

'Emma, a word of advice. If you want to get ahead, you have to create your own chances. You

have to carve out your own opportunities. Now seriously. Could you please fuck off out of my

office and get Nick for me?'

As I leave I can see him raising his eyes to heaven and scribbling something else on my form.

Great. He's probably writing 'Deranged lunatic, seek medical help'.

As I walk dejectedly back to my desk, Artemis looks up with a beady expression. 'Oh, Emma,'

she says, 'your cousin Kerry just called for you.'

'Really?' I say in surprise. Kerry never phones me at work. In fact she never phones me at all.

'Did she leave a message?'

'Yes, she did. She wanted to know, have you heard about your promotion yet?'

OK. This is now official. I hate Kerry.

'Oh right,' I say, trying to sound as though this is some boring, everyday enquiry. 'Thanks.'

'Are you being promoted, Emma? I didn't know that!' Her voice is high and piercing, and I see

a couple of people raise their heads in interest. 'So, are you going to become a marketing

executive?'

'No,' I mutter, my face hot with humiliation. 'I'm not.'

'Oh!' Artemis pulls a mock-confused face. 'So why did she-'

'Shut up, Artemis,' says Caroline. I give her a grateful look and slump into my chair.

Another whole year. Another whole year of being the crappy marketing assistant, and

everyone thinking I'm useless. Another year of being in debt to Dad, and Kerry and Nev

laughing at me, and feeling like a complete failure. I switch on my computer and dispiritedly

type a couple of words. But suddenly all my energy's gone.

'I think I'll get a coffee,' I say. 'Does anyone want one?'

'You can't get a coffee,' says Artemis, giving me an odd look. 'Haven't you seen?'

'What?'

'They've taken the coffee machine away,' says Nick. 'While you were in with Paul.'

'Taken it away?' I look at him, puzzled. 'But why?'

'Du

'We're getting a new machine!' says Caroline, walking past with a bundle of proofs. 'That's

what they were saying downstairs. A really nice one, with proper coffee. Ordered by Jack

Harper, apparently.'

She moves off, and I stare after her.

Jack Harper ordered a new coffee machine?

'Emma!' Artemis is saying impatiently. 'Did you hear that? I want you to find the leaflet we

did for the Tesco promotion two years ago. Sorry, Mummy,' she says into the phone. 'Just

telling my assistant something.'

Her assistant. God, it pisses me off when she says that.

But to be honest, I'm feeling a bit too dazed to get a

It's nothing to do with me, I tell myself firmly as I root around at the bottom of the filing

cabinet. It's ridiculous to think I had anything to do with it. He was probably pla

new coffee anyway. He was probably-

I stand up with a pile of files in my arms and nearly drop them all on the floor.

There he is.

Standing right in front of me.

'Hello again.' His eyes crinkle in a smile. 'How are you doing?'

'Er… good, thanks.' I swallow hard. 'I just heard about the coffee machine. Um… thanks.'

'No problem.'

'Now everyone!' Paul comes striding up behind him. 'Mr Harper is going to be sitting in on

the department this morning.'

'Please.' Jack Harper smiles. 'Call me Jack.'

'Right you are. Jack is going to be sitting in this morning. He's going to observe what you do,

find out how we operate as a team. Just behave normally, don't do anything special.' Paul's

eyes alight on me and he gives me an ingratiating smile. 'Hi there, Emma! How are you

doing? Everything OK?'

'Er, yes thanks, Paul,' I mutter. 'Everything's great.'

'Good! A happy staff, that's what we like. And, while I've got your attention,' he coughs a

little selfconsciously, 'let me just remind you that our Corporate Family Day is coming up, a

week on Saturday. A chance for us all to let our hair down, enjoy meeting each other's

families, and have some fun!'

We all stare at him a bit blankly. Until this moment, Paul has always referred to this as the

Corporate Fuckwit Day and said he'd rather have his balls torn off than bring any member of

his family to it.

'Anyway, back to work, everyone! Jack, let me get you a chair.'

'Just ignore me,' says Jack Harper pleasantly, as he sits down in the corner. 'Behave normally.'

Behave normally. Right. Of course.

So that would be sit down, take my shoes off, check my emails, put some hand cream on, eat

a few Smarties, read my horoscope on iVillage, read Co

Corrigan, Managing Director' several times in swirly letters on my notepad, add a border of

flowers, send an email to Co

mineral water and then finally get round to finding the Tesco leaflet for Artemis.