Insomnia

He thought of something else, as well, something that had to do with the days following Carolyn’s death earlier in the year. He had been surprised at the depth of his grief-it had been an expected death, after all; he had believed he had taken care Of most of his grieving while Carolyn was still alive-and it had rendered him awkward and ineffective about the final arrangements which needed to be made. He had managed the call to the Brookings-Senith funeral home, but it was Helen who had gotten the obit form from the Derry News and helped him to fill it out, Helen who had gone with him to pick out a coffin (McGovern, who hated death and the trappings which surrounded it had made himself scarce), and beloved Helen who had helped him choose a floral centerpiece-the one which said Wife.

And it had been Helen, of course, who had orchestrated the little party afterward, providing sandwiches from Frank’s Catering and soft drinks and beer from the Red Apple.

These were things Helen had done for him when he could not do them for himself. Did he not have an ohbligation to repay her kindness, even if Helen might not see it as kindness right now?

“Bill?” he asked. “What do you think?”

McGovern looked from Ralph to Helen, sitting in the red plastic chair with her battered face lowered, and then back to Ralph again.

He produced a handkerchief and wiped his lips nervously. “I don’t know. I like Helen a lot, and I want to do the right thing-you know I do-but something like this… who knows what the right thing is” Ralph suddenly remembered what Carolyn used to say whenever he started moaning and bitching about some chore he didn’t want to do, some errand he didn’t want to run, Or some duty call he didn’t want to make: It’s a long walk back to Ed", sweetheart, so don’t sweat the small stuff He reached for the phone again, and this time when Helen reached for his wrist, he pushed it away.

“You have reached the Derry Police Department,” a recorded voice told him. “Push one for emergency services. Push two for Police services. Push three for information.”

Ralph, who suddenly understood he needed all three, hesitated for a second and then pushed two. The telephone buzzed and a woman’s voice said, “This is Police 911, how may I help you?”

He took a deep breath and said, “This is Ralph Roberts. I’m at the Red Apple Store on Harris Avenue, with my neighbor from up the street. Her name is Helen Deepneau. She’s been beaten up pretty badly.” He put his hand gently on the side of Helen’s face and she pressed her forehead against his side. He could feel the heat of her skin through his shirt. “Please come as fast as you can.”

He hung up the telephone, then squatted down next to Helen.

Natalie saw him, crowed with delight, and reached out to give his nose a friendly honk. Ralph sanded, kissed her tiny palm, then looked into Helen’s face.

“I’m sorry, Helen,” he said but I had to. I couldn’t not do it.

“Do you understand that? I couldn’t not do it.”

“I don’t understand anything,” she said. Her nose had stopped bleeding, but when she reached up to swipe at it, she winced back from the touch of her own fingers.

“Helen, why did he do it? Why would Ed beat you up like this?”

He found himself remembering the other bruises-a pattern of them, perhaps. If there had been a pattern, he had missed it until now.

Because of Carolyn’s death. And because of the insomnia which had come afterward. In any case, he did not believe this was the first time Ed had put his hands on his wife. Today might have been a drastic escalation, but it hadn’t been the first time. He could grasp that idea and admit its logic, but he discovered he still couldn’t see Ed doing it. He could see Ed’s quick grin, his lively eyes, the way his hands moved restlessly when he talked… but he couldn’t see Ed using those hands to beat the crap out of his wife, no matter how hard he tried.

Then a memory resurfaced, a memory of Ed walking stiff-legged toward the man who had been driving the blue pickup-it had been images from that day last July. The thunderhejds wasn’t an avalanche of old stored seris building over the airport. Ed’s arm popping out of the Datsun’s window and waving up and down, as if he could make the gate slide open faster that way. The scarf with the Chinese symbols Hey hey, Susan Day, how many kids did you kill today, Ralph it was Ed’s voice he heard, and he pretty well knew what Helen was going to say before she even opened her mouth.

“So stupid,” she said dully. “He hit me because I signed the petition they’re circulating over to town-that’s all it was and someone Pushed it into my face when I was going’ into the supermarket day before Yesterday. He said something about a benefit for WomanCare, and that seemed all right. Besides, the baby was fussing just…”

“You just signed it,” Ralph finished softly.

She nodded and began to cry again.

“What petition,” McGovern asked.

“To bring Susan Day to Derry,” Ralph told him-“She’s a femini…”

“I know who Susan Day is!” McGovern said irritably.

“Anyway, a bunch of people are try On behalf of WomanCare.”

“When Ed came home today he was n a great mood,” Helen said through her tears. “He almost always is on Thursdays, because it’s his half day. He was talking about how he was going to spend the afternoon pretending to read a book and actually he is just watching the sprinkler go around…

You know how he is… just watching the “Yes,” Ralph said, remembering how Ed had Plunged his arm into one of the heavyset man’s barrels, and the crafty grin that came falling of vivian’s m a across the heavyset man’s t Of his hand ow s. Remembering that was like opening the door of Fibber McGee’s closet in that old radio show onlyjunk but a ing, so Ing to get her here to speak.

(I know a trick or two of that) on his face. “Yes, I know how he is,”

“I sent him out to get some baby-food. becoming fretful and frightened. “I didn’t know he’d be upset.

I’d all but forgotten about signing the damned thing, to tell the truth… and I still don’t know exactly why he was so upset… but… but when he came back She hugged Natalie to her, trembling.

“Shhh, Helen, take it easy, everything’s okay.”

“No, it’s not!” She looked up at him, tears streaming from one eye and seeping out from beneath the swelled lid of the other. “It’s nub-nub-not. Why didn’t he stop this time? And what’s going to happen to me and the baby? Where will we go? I don’t have any money except for what’s in the joint checking account… I don’t have a job… oh Ralph, why did you call the police? You shouldn’t have done that!

“And she hit his forearm with a strengthless little fist. “You’re going to get through this just fine,” he said. “You’ve got a lot of friends in the neighborhood.”

But he barely heard what he was saying and hadn’t felt her small punch at all. The anger was thudding away in his chest and at his temples like a second heartbeat.

Not Why didn’t he stop,-that wasn’t what she had said. What she had said was Why didn’t he stop this time? This time. “Helen, where’s Ed now?”

“Home, I guess,” she said dully. Ralph patted her an the shoulder, then turned and started for the d(!)or.

“Ralph?” Bill McGovern asked. He sounded alarmed. “Where you going?” Her voice was rising. “Lock the door after me,” Ralph told Sue. “Jeer, I don’t know if I can do that.” Sue looked doubtfully at the line of gawkers peering in through the dirty window. There were more of them now. “You can,” he said, then cocked his head, catching the first faint wail of an approaching siren. “Hear that?”

“Yes, but-”

“The cops will tell you what to do, and your boss won’t be mad at You, either-he’ll probably give you a medal for handling everything just right.”

“If he does, I’ll split it with you,” she said, then glanced at Heleil again. A little color had come back into Sue’s cheeks, but not much.