Dead Tomorrow

It would be the best Christmas ever!

And now this woman was standing in the room. The transplant coordinator. Shirley Linsell, with her English rose face and her long hair, and the tiny burst blood vessel in her left eye. She was wearing the same white blouse and knitted pink top and black trousers as when she had first met her, almost a week – that seemed like a million years – ago.

The only difference was her demeanour. When they had first met, she had seemed positive and friendly. But now, at seven o’clock this morning, although apologetic, she seemed cold and distant. Ly

‘I’m extremely sorry,’ she said. ‘I’m afraid these things happen.’

‘Sorry? You phoned me last night to say that you had a liver that was a perfect match, and now you are telling us you were wrong?’

‘We were informed a liver had become available which was a good match.’

‘So what exactly happened?’

The coordinator addressed Ly

‘I still don’t understand,’ Ly

‘No,’ Shirley Linsell said. ‘With this amount of fat, there is a danger it could take several weeks to function properly. Caitlin needs a liver that will function immediately. She is too ill to take the risk. It will be used for a man in his sixties with liver cancer. It will hopefully prolong his life for a few years.’

‘How great is that?’ Ly

‘I can’t discuss another patient with you.’

‘Yes, you can.’ Ly

‘Please, Mrs Beckett – Ly

‘Oh? So what is it like, exactly?’

‘Mum!’ Caitlin said. ‘Listen to her.’

‘I am listening, darling, I’m listening really hard. I just don’t like what I’m hearing.’

‘Everyone here cares for Caitlin, a lot. It’s not just work in this unit – it’s personal for us all. We want to give Caitlin a healthy liver, to give her the best chance of a normal life, Mrs Beckett. There is no point in giving her a liver that might not work or that might fail in a few years’ time and put her through this ordeal a second time. Please believe me – the whole team here wants to help Caitlin. We’re very fond of her.’

‘Fine,’ Ly

‘I can’t answer that – it depends on a suitable donor.’

‘So we’re back to square one?’

‘Well – yes.’

There was a long silence. ‘Will my daughter be at the top of the priority list?’ Ly

‘The list is very complicated. There are a number of factors affecting it.’

Ly

‘Yes, she does, and we are working on that. But you have to understand, she is one of many people.’

‘Not to me, she isn’t.’

The woman nodded. ‘Ly

‘Do you?’ Ly

‘Mum, stop being so hostile!’

Ly

‘You’re talking about me like I’m some retard in a box. I’m upset! Don’t you see that? I’m just as upset as you are – more – but it’s not going to help getting angry.’

‘Do you realize what this bitch is saying?’ Ly

‘You are being, like, so dramatic!’

‘I AM NOT BEING DRAMATIC!’ Ly

‘I’d be misleading you if I gave you a time or a date, Ly

‘Are we talking twenty-four hours? A week? A month?’

Shirley Linsell shrugged and gave a wan smile. ‘I don’t know, that’s the honest truth. We thought we had got lucky, getting this liver so quickly, in a week with no matching recipient higher up the priority list than Caitlin. The donor was an apparently healthy thirty-year-old man, but clearly, it turned out, he had a drink or a diet problem.’

‘So this same shit could happen again, could it?’

The coordinator smiled, trying to placate Ly

‘You have a good record? What does that mean?’ Ly

‘Mum!’ Caitlin implored.

Ignoring her, Ly

‘We don’t play God here, Mrs Beckett. We ca

Ly

‘Really?’ she sneered. ‘Difficult decisions? Tell me something, Shirley, did you ever lose a night’s sleep in your life over a difficult decision?’

The nurse kept calm, her tone gentle. ‘I care about all our patients very deeply, Mrs Beckett. I take their problems home with me every night.’

Ly

‘OK, answer this for me – you just said that Caitlin would have got this liver, had it been OK, because there was no matching recipient higher up the list than her. That could change, right? At any moment?’

‘We have a weekly meeting to decide the priority list,’ Shirley Linsell replied.

‘So it could all change at your next meeting, couldn’t it? If someone in greater need than Caitlin – in your assessment – came along?’

‘Yes, I’m afraid that’s how it works.’

‘That’s great,’ Ly