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She shook her head and met his gaze squarely, though a glimmer of what looked like sadness shone in her eyes. “The past will always keep us apart. Despite last night, I will always be damaged goods to you, irreparably soiled, and I could not live with the disdain your eyes. It might not be there at first perhaps, but it would come eventually, and I could not bear it. No, Sam, you are better off following your original course, to marry Miss Fullbrook. She will give you no cause for regrets.”
He dropped her hands and rose from the bed. Could she really be sending him away? He could not believe it. “You disappoint me, Willie. I thought you were beyond regrets. But it’s more than that, isn’t it? You say you are afraid I ca
She threw back the covers and swung out of bed, gloriously naked. Good Lord, she was beautiful. And not just for a woman who’d passed forty, but for a woman of any age. How was he supposed to walk away from her, out of her life? There was a stubborn tilt to her chin as she do
“No, you’re wrong, Sam. You believe yourself to be above it all now, with your mature tolerance and liberal-mindedness. But how will you tolerate wondering if every man you meet in London has shared my bed in the past? How long before you are asking for names? And once you’ve heard them all, how long will you continue to be able to touch me without disgust?”
“Oh, Willie, my love, I-”
“Stop.” She raised her hand, palm out. “I never cared what other men thought of me. They knew who and what I was, so it didn’t matter. Even with Hertford, because I was his whore before I was his wife. But you’re the only man who knew me before I entered the demimonde. Who knew my i
“Willie.” She was breaking his heart.
She smiled, this time with more conviction. “But I am so very pleased that we had last night. It is a memory I will cherish forever. You will always be my first love, Sam. Even if we never see each other again, I will never forget you. Or last night. You were quite splendid.”
“And so you are sending me away?” His voice choked with emotion.
She stood before him, reached up, and placed a hand on his unshaven cheek. “You were on your way to another woman. Go to her. And be happy.”
Dear God, she was serious. Where had he gone wrong? Why was he unable to convince her that the past did not matter to him anymore?
Bewildered and bereft, confused and confounded, he kissed her and took his leave.
And what the devil was he supposed to do with his life now?
Wilhelmina collapsed against the door when he’d gone. It was the hardest thing she’d ever done. He was the biggest temptation she’d ever faced, but she’d forced herself to be strong and do the right thing, no matter how much it hurt.
And dear God, how it hurt. She’d never loved anyone the way she’d loved Sam. She had loved him, or the memory of him, for years, and now she had come to love the fine man he’d become. What a difference one night could make. But everything she’d said to him was true. She would rather live with the memory of their one lovely night than face a lifetime of his scorn. When she had entered into the life of the demimonde all those years ago, she’d known there was no looking back. Even marrying the duke did not wash away the stain of her past. To some people, she would always be a whore.
If she went with Sam, people would think of her as his whore, and she could not do that to him. She was accustomed to the label, but it would be a constant source of pain for Sam. He was better off without her.
But she’d had one night with him. One magical night. It would have to be enough.
She took her time getting ready to depart, lethargy and sorrow slowing every movement. She was strangely reluctant to leave this quaint old i
Smeaton managed the other servants and the luggage while Wilhelmina sat quietly in the carriage, nursing her heartache. At Wilhelmina’s request, they left her to ride alone. Gi
It was late in the morning when the carriages finally pulled out of the Blue Boar’s yard and took to the road. Wilhelmina did not look back at the old i
Less than a half mile down the road, the carriage lurched and came to a noisy and jarring halt. She felt Trevitt jump down from the driver’s bench. Wilhelmina rolled down the window and saw him and George, the footman, examining one of the horses.
“What has happened?” she asked, leaning her head out the window.
“One of the team has thrown a shoe, Your Grace,” Trevitt said in an exasperated tone. “Fortunately we have not gone far. I’ll walk him back to Upper Hampden and have him reshod.”
He muttered under his breath as he began to remove the harness from the shoeless horse. Wilhelmina watched the operation with resigned indifference. Despite the su
A curricle slowed and pulled up right beside her. Sam held the reins and flashed a smile at her through the window.
Wilhelmina tamped down the jolt of pleasure at the sight of him, but was unable to stop herself from opening the carriage door and stepping out to see him. “What are you doing here?” she asked, eyeing him suspiciously.
“Just passing through. What’s the problem?”
“I believe one of the horses has thrown a shoe.”
“Indeed.” He looked at the horse being removed from the harness. “Sorry, old chap.”
Wilhelmina glared at him, round-eyed. “You? You did this?”
He winked at her. “You are not the only one with a few tricks up a sleeve.” He reached out a hand to her. “Come, Willie. I’ll take you the rest of the way. Your entourage can follow later.”
“But-”
“No buts, Willie.” He was not going to let her talk him out of it this time. He’d made his excuses to the Fullbrooks, and so there was nothing to stand in his way, save Willie’s own mule-headedness. And by God, she was no match for a man who never let ferocious winds or treacherous seas or enemy broadsides keep him down.
“Let me take you up in my carriage, Willie. It’s not as grand as yours, but it has a certain dash that should suit you.”
“But I’m going to London.”
“I know.”
“You would be going in the wrong direction.”
He smiled and shook his head. “No, for once I will be going in the right direction. To you. With you.”
“Sam-”
“You almost convinced me to go, Willie, but none of your idiotic, mulish arguments will hold water. And by God, you won’t get rid of me that easily. Don’t condemn us with another mistake, my girl. The first time, you thought I was dead. This time, you think I can’t love you because I can’t forgive you. But you would be wrong to believe that. I fell in love with you when I was seventeen, and despite all the years and all that’s happened, I’ve always loved you and always will. If you can’t believe that, you’ll be making another life-changing mistake, like I almost did with Miss Fullbrook. Bilged by your own anchor. Don’t do it, Willie. Don’t walk away from me…from us. Come with me to London. Marry me.”