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“It was a mutual seduction, as I recall. I was a very willing participant.” She smiled up at him, and though a trace of sadness still colored her eyes, she gave him a look that spoke of something else altogether. Attraction. Seduction. Invitation? Was she signaling that she would be a willing participant again? Or was that merely wishful thinking on his part? Perhaps it was just the moonlight.
“Besides,” she said, “I probably would have run off in time, away from Porthruan and Mama. I was miserable there. I count myself lucky that I found a protector in James. If I’d gone off on my own, I’d likely had landed in the stews and been even more miserable. As it was, I fell into a life of affluence and luxury.”
She wriggled out of his embrace but allowed him to keep an arm around her shoulders. They sat in silence for a while, Sam lost in his thoughts of young Willie being cast out and then losing the baby, of his role in her downfall. Yet he had to agree with her that things might have been worse. He ought to thank that damned artist for making sure she did not land in the streets. And she had certainly led an interesting life.
“Were you happy?” he asked.
“Most of the time. Were you happy at sea?”
“Most of the time. I certainly grew to love it. But at first I was merely frantic to get back to you. But the Calliope-the ship where the press gang took me-set sail the next morning for the West Indies and there was nothing for it but to hope to get a letter to you at the first port.”
Her head dropped onto his shoulder. “What a time that was, the two of us pining after each other in our different ways. At least I was in a world I knew. You were thrust into something relatively unknown. It must have been horrid.”
“In those early days, I used to be frightened to death when the guns were run out and we rammed their charges. That’s when I’d think of dying and never seeing you again. And many a night I’d be standing watch up in the foretop roost, freezing my jiggers off, and the only thing that kept me warm was thinking of you and me curled up in that hayloft like two inkle weavers.”
Sam ran his hand up and down her arm, tucking her close, thinking again of that hayloft. “But he was good to you? Benedict? He treated you well?”
“Yes, while I was with him he treated me with great kindness and affection.”
“Do you still see him?”
“Occasionally, but not often. He used to be a fixture at my salons. And even all these years later, we are still linked in many minds because of those early allegorical paintings.”
“His work is very different now, I think.”
“Yes, though he is still sought out for portraits. Hertford loved James Benedict’s work and was mad for the Muses. More for the model than the art, I always thought. He was determined to own all nine paintings, and went to great expense tracking them down and convincing the owners to sell them. He only managed to obtain seven of them. The Prince Regent refused to part with Erato. And he never could locate the owner of Terpsichore. I was sorry for that, because I’d always liked that one best.”
“So did I.”
Willie leaned away and looked up at him. “You saw it?”
“I bought it.”
She threw her head back and laughed. “You? You are the elusive owner of Terpsichore?”
He nodded, gri
She reached up and stroked his cheek. “What a pair we are, two old fools still carrying our youthful torches. My navy lists and your painting.”
He wrapped his arms around her again and said, “Maybe it’s time we let those torches burn again.” He smiled into her eyes, bent his head, and kissed her.
Chapter Five
Instinctively, she melted into his arms-arms still familiar even after all those years-and ignored the small voice in her head warning her that, despite how much she wanted it, she was making an enormous mistake to give in to her desire for Sam. He would never truly be able to forget or forgive her shady past, which would only lead to pain for both of them. But she silenced the traitorous voice and allowed the kiss to deepen. For just this moment, this single moment, she wanted him with a yearning deeper and more powerful than she’d ever known. Because this was Sam. Her first love.
Was it still for old times’ sake? Was he kissing the Willie of his youth, or the woman she’d become? She would never really know, and all that truly mattered was that he was kissing her. And she kissed him back for all she was worth, matching each circle and thrust of his tongue with her own.
When they broke apart at last, each breathing roughly, Wilhelmina looked up to see that his golden-brown eyes had darkened with pleasure.
“God, Willie. I am on fire for you. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted a woman more than I have wanted you.”
“Oh, Sam.” She cupped his cheek in her hand. “Seeing you again is like a tonic. I am humbled, surprised, and delighted to know that you desire me.”
“Why should that surprise you? Because you’re not twenty any longer?”
“I’m not even thirty. And though I may skirt the issue of my age with others, you know full well that I won’t see forty again, either. But no, that is not why your desire surprises me. I had thought my way of life had squashed every warm feeling you ever had for me.”
“Never.”
“The last time we met, ten years ago-”
He held up his hand to stop her. “Please. Don’t remind me of that embarrassing encounter. I was mortified.”
“Why? I never understood what happened. You sought me out, then bolted after exchanging an awkward word or two. Was it because you disapproved of my marriage to the duke?”
“No, of course not. It was just…an unexpected surprise.”
“Because I had reached too far above myself? Or because the duke had sunk too low?”
“Neither, Willie. It was never that. Deep in my heart, I was glad for you. Glad that you would be out of that other life at last and into something more conventional. No, I did not disapprove. But I was…disappointed. I thought you knew why.”
“But I didn’t. I don’t.”
“Truly?”
“Sam, I have no idea what you’re talking about. I simply assumed you thought I was getting above myself, or that I had somehow tricked the duke into marriage. In any case, I knew you disapproved. Or so I thought. Tell me the truth. What were you thinking that evening? Why were you so uncomfortable?”
He looked down at his feet. “Nothing. It was stupid. You will laugh.”
“Perhaps I will, but tell me anyway.”
He groaned. “This is devilish embarrassing. But all right, I will tell you. I had thought…I had hoped…Damn. The thing is, Willie, I was ready to make you an offer.”
Her jaw dropped open in astonishment. “To marry you?”
He shook his head. “No.”
“Aha. I understand.” Of course he would not have thought to marry her. She smiled. “You hoped to be my next protector.”