A Long Way Down

“Tides, then. You don’t notice the pull when it’s… Well, anyway. You know what I mean.”

“If some guy came up here tonight, what would you tell him?” said JJ.

“I’d tell him about the ninety days,” said Jess. “ “Cos it’s true, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” said JJ. “It’s true that none of us feel like killing ourselves tonight. But like… If he asked us why, if he said to us, So tell me what great things have happened to you since you decided not to go over the edge… what would you tell him?”

I’d tell him about my job in the newsagent’s,” I said. “And the quiz.”

The others looked at their feet. Jess thought about saying something, but JJ caught her eye, and she changed her mind.

“Yeah, well, you, you’re doing OK,” said JJ after a little while. “But I’m f— busking, man. Sorry, Maureen.”

“And I’m failing to help the dimmest child in the world with his reading,” said Martin.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” said Jess. “You’re failing at loads of different things. You’re failing with your kids, and your relationships…”

“Oh, yes, whereas you, Jess… You’re such a f— success. You’ve got it all.”

“Sorry, Maureen,” said JJ.

“Yes, excuse me, Maureen.”

“I didn’t know Nodog ninety days ago,” said Jess.

“Ah, yes,” said Martin. “Nodog. The one unqualified achievement any of us can boast of. Maureen’s quiz team excepted, of course.”

I didn’t remind him about the newsagent’s. I know it’s not much, but it might have seemed as though I was rubbing it in a bit.

“Let’s tell our suicidal friend about Nodog. «Oh, yes. Jess here has met a man who doesn’t believe in names, and thinks we should all kill ourselves all the time.» That’ll cheer him up.”

“That’s not what he thinks. You’re just taking the p—. What did you want to bring all this up for, JJ? We were going to have a good night out, and now everyone’s all f— depressed.”

“Yeah,” said JJ. “I’m sorry. I was just wondering, you know. Why we’re all still here.”

“Thanks,” said Martin. “Thanks for that.”

In the distance we could see the lights on that big wheel down by the river, the London Eye.

“We don’t have to decide right now, anyway, do we?” said JJ.

“Course we don’t,” said Martin.

“So how about we give it another six months? See how we’re doing?”

“Is that thing actually going round?” said Martin. “I can’t tell.” We stared at it for a long time, trying to work it out. Martin was right. It didn’t look as though it was moving, but it must have been.

I suppose.

Acknowledgments

Thanks to:

Tony Lacey, Wendy Carlton, Helen Fraser, Susan Petersen, Joa