NativeTongue

"So when you finally see one, you throw a rat in it? Is that the deal?" Da

"Let's just drop it," said Bud Schwartz.

But Da

"No way," said Bud Schwartz.

"Then I'll jump outta the goddamn truck."

Da

Bud Schwartz said, "Hey, you don't want to do that. We've gotta go get your money."

"I'll find my own ride."

"It'll look hinky, we don't show up together."

Da

"What if I said I was sorry," Bud Schwartz said. "I'm sorry, all right? It was a shitty thing to do. I feel terrible, Da

Da

"I mean it," said Bud Schwartz. "You got me feeling so bad I got half a mind to cry. Swear to God, look here – my eyes are all watered up. For a second I was thinking of Bud, Jr., about what I'd do, some asshole throwed a rat or any other damn animal at my boy. Probably kill him, that's what I'd do."

As he spun through this routine, Bud Schwartz was thinking: The things I do to keep him steady.

And it seemed to work. In no time Da

"That's true."

"But don't scare no more little kids, understand?"

Bud Schwartz said, "I won't, Da

Ten minutes later, stopped at a traffic light in Cutler Ridge, Da

He was gri

"What?" said Bud Schwartz.

"I remember you told me that Bud Schwartz wasn't your real name. You said your real name was Mickey Reilly."

"Mike. Mike Reilly," said Bud Schwartz, thinking, Here we go.

"Okay, then how could you have a kid named Bud, Jr.?"

"Well – "

"If your name's Mike."

"Simple. I changed the boy's name when I changed mine."

Da

"So his real name was – "

"Mike, Jr. Now it's Bud, Jr."

"You say so," said Da

"What, you don't believe me?"

"No, I don't believe you," said Da

"Bud is just fine. Bud Schwartz. And let's not fight no more, we're go

Da

"This is Miami," said Bud Schwartz. "Maybe they're voodoo rats. Or maybe they're fulla dope. I heard where they smuggle coke in French rubbers, so why not rats."

Da

Bud Schwartz shrugged. "Didn't ask."

The den box was eighteen inches deep, and twice the size of a briefcase. It was made of plywood, painted dark green, with small hinged doors on each end. Air holes had been drilled through the side panels; the holes were no bigger than a dime, but somehow one of the animals had managed to squeeze out. Then it had scaled the front seat and perched on Da

Now Da

Bud Schwartz chuckled. "You want a turn, is that it? Well, go ahead then, grab one."

"But I don't wa

"You got to do it real fast, way I did. Hurry now, here comes one of them Wi

Da

"So what're you waiting for?" said his partner. "Pop goes the weasel."

After the rat attack, the Whelper family rode in edgy silence until they arrived at the Amazing Kingdom of Thrills. They parked the red LeBaron in the Mr. Bump-a-Rump lot, Section Jellybean, and took the tram to the main gate. There they came upon a chaotic scene: police cars, an ambulance, TV trucks, news photographers. The ticket turnstiles were all blocked.

"Swell," said Terry Whelper. "Beautiful."

"Maybe they're filming a movie," his wife suggested. "Maybe it's not real."

But it was. The center of attention was a supremely ta

"This is a message for all our friends and visitors to the Amazing Kingdom of Thrills," the man began. "We deeply regret the incident that disturbed today's Summerfest celebration. We are proud of our security arrangements here at the park, and proud of our safety record. Up until today, there had been – and I say this unequivocally – no serious crimes committed within our friendly gates."

In the swell of the crowd, Terry Whelper felt his wife's chin digging into his shoulder blade. "What do you suppose he's talking about?" she said.

The man in the oxford shirt continued: "We believe there was no way to anticipate, much less prevent, what happened this afternoon in the Rare Animal Pavilion."

Terry Whelper said, "This oughta be good." A large woman wearing a damp cotton blouse and a Nikkormat around her neck turned and shot him a dirty look.

The man at the TV microphones was saying, "At approximately 2.15 p.m., two men entered the compound and attacked one of the wildlife exhibits with a sledgehammer, breaking the glass. One of our park employees courageously tried to stop the intruders, but was overpowered and beaten. The two men then grabbed a box of specimens from the exhibit arena and ran. In the confusion, the suspects managed to escape from the park, apparently by mingling with ordinary tourists aboard the Jungle Jerry Amazon Boat Cruise."

Jason Whelper said, "Specimens? What kinda specimens?"

Je

Terry Whelper told the children to be quiet and listen. The ta

"Hey, look!" said Jason, pointing.

Somebody in an oversized polyester animal outfit was being loaded into the ambulance.

"That's Robbie Raccoon!" cried Je

All around them in the crowd, other tourist children began to whimper and sniffle at the sight of Robbie Raccoon on the stretcher. Jason swore he saw some blood on Robbie Raccoon's nose.

"No, he's going to be fine," said Gerri Whelper. "See there, he's waving at us!"

And, indeed, whoever was inside the Robbie Raccoon costume managed a weak salute to the crowd before the ambulance doors swung closed.

"It's gotta be ninety-eight degrees out here," marveled Terry Whelper. "You'd think they'd get the poor guy out of that raccoon getup."