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Chapter Thirteen
"We might as well not have gone to Claude," I said to Jack.
We were on our way home from Body Time the next morning when I reopened the subject.
"Yeah." He stared straight ahead, his face like a thundercloud and his posture just as aggressive as mine. "We can't just wait for her to be killed."
"What else can we do? We can't stay outside her house for days or weeks. We can't follow her everywhere she goes, or kill Cliff before he kills her."
Jack looked at me sidelong, and I could see the idea of taking Cliff out appealed to him. "We can't," I said, in the voice my fifth grade teacher had used when she recited the Golden Rule to us every morning. "We are not going to get in trouble with the law again."
When we got home, at least part of our problem was solved. There was a message on the answering machine from Tamsin. Even her voice sounded quavery. "Lily, this is Tamsin. I just can't get up the energy to do any housework, and the place is a wreck. If you're feeling better—only if you're well enough—I would really appreciate hearing from you."
I called her back right away. "This is Lily," I said.
"Oh. Oh, Lily! Can you come to help me clean house today? I don't know if I can go in to work this week ... and I'm definitely staying home today. I'm so shaken up."
"I think I can come over," I told her. After all, it was Sunday morning, when I never scheduled anything so I could have a break from work. But I'd definitely had enough down time this week.
"Oh, thank God!"
We talked a little more—well, she did—and I hung up. Jack, standing beside me for the whole conversation, was sunk in thought. We looked at each other for a second or two.
"Do you have to go over there?" He ran a hand through his hair to push it over his shoulders.
"Yes. I owe her."
"Do you think Cliff's there?"
"She didn't say."
"I don't know about this, Lily. I hate for you to be anywhere close to the woman. I feel sorry for her, but she's a human lightning rod."
I wasn't too enthusiastic about Tamsin's request myself. "Maybe she really wants me over there to clean. But I'm thinking maybe she needs company, and doesn't know anyone well enough to just ask for it."
"So, you're going to go?" Jack was still reluctant.
"Yes, but I'll call you when I get there. If you don't hear from me, come over to see how everything's going. I don't know if I could take a lot of weeping." At odd moments, the loss of the baby still struck me with a peculiar pain.
"You won't forget to call?" Jack touched my hair.
"No, I won't forget."
I showered and changed, so it was about ten when I left my house, ten o'clock on a hot and peaceful Sunday morning. Shakespeare was at its best. The church parking lots were full. A little towheaded boy was in his driveway operating a remote-control car. Everything looked absolutely normal on Tamsin's street. Both the cars were parked in the drive, and I wedged in behind them.
I wasn't too pleased that Cliff was home, but I had only suspicion, after all. Lugging my cleaning-material caddy, I went up the front steps and knocked. With professional eyes I examined the porch; it needed to be swept, if not hosed down.
Tamsin came to the door immediately. She looked as awful as she had the day before. Her hair was straggly and dirty, her cutoff jeans and truncated sweatshirt were anything but pristine, and she was free of makeup and jewelry.
"Thank you for coming," she said, in a limp voice. "I just can't stand for everything to be so dirty, with people dropping by all the time. I can't ever tell who'll be seeing my house, with the police coming in all the time."
"Cliff home?" The litter of the big edition of the paper and a couple of stained coffee mugs in the living room were like a tableau called "Sunday morning."
"Yes, he's in the small den back there where we keep the TV." This living room, decorated in inexpensive American comfortable, did not contain a television or music system. Shelves hung on the wall held little china statues of wide-eyed children.
"Aren't they darling? I love those things," Tamsin said, following my gaze. "My folks started giving me one a year when I was little. Then, Cliff took over."
Despite her dishevelment, Tamsin seemed calm and in control. I felt encouraged. Maybe this wouldn't be too bad. As soon as she explained the program, I'd call Jack. "Where do you want me to start?" I stood before her with raised eyebrows, just waiting for her word.
"How about in there?" Tamsin pointed to the hall leading to the back of the house, and I preceded her down the dark corridor.
"In here?" I asked, and turned the knob of the door at the end.
"Yep," she said, and I just had time to turn the knob and push the door open, all the while thinking she was sounding so cheerful. I was met with a burst of sunlight, and the sight of Cliff Eggers bound and gagged with duct tape and lying on the floor.
Then she did something horrible to me, something that made every atom in my body surge, and I fell down beside him.
I had some seconds of complete disorientation. Or maybe I lost minutes. My legs had no bones in them. Talking was simply impossible, even if I'd been able to formulate a sentence. My mouth was open and I was drooling. I felt wet at my crotch; I had wet my pants. When I became aware that I was still thinking, that my thoughts could form patterns and make sense, my first clear concept was that I should avoid having that—whatever it was—done to me again, no matter what the cost. My wandering gaze happened to meet Cliff's desperate brown eyes, and I slowly became anchored in the here and now, as unpleasant as that was.
I was still alive. That was the important thing. And I hadn't called Jack, so I figured he'd be coming sooner or later—unless Tamsin had done something while I was mentally out of the room, something to fool Jack, too.
Of course, I felt like the biggest idiot.
Cliff's eyes stared into mine. He was scared shitless. I didn't blame him. But I was just as glad the duct tape across his mouth made talking impossible. I didn't need anyone else's fear. I had plenty of my own.
"What you go
"If you're not outraged by what he's done to me, I'm going to have to do it myself," Tamsin said. "Then, I don't know what I'll do about you."
"Why?" Though that was probably a pointless question.
Oddly, she looked like she was thinking of answering me.
"I just realized the past few days. At first, it just didn't seem possible. That someone living with me, someone sleeping with me, someone who took my dresses to the cleaners, was trying to drive me crazy. The first stuff, the stuff in Cleveland, even that was Cliff." Instead of looking at me, she was staring off into space, and I swear she had the most disillusioned, heartbroken expression. I would have felt sorry for her, if she hadn't just disabled and humiliated me. "I figured out just this week that after I lost our baby, Cliff was out to kill me. He thought I did things to kill the baby. And he knew I had a lot of insurance—one big policy through work and another on my own. He thought, in my profession, getting killed wouldn't be so strange. He was doing my transcripts for me, then. In fact, that's where we met, at that clinic." The narrow black device swung in her hand like a television remote control. "So Cliff transcribed my sessions with a patient who had potential for great violence, one who actually might think of killing me. I think Cliff pla