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"You were the one who started the sex when we got home, Rhys. Did you know this could happen?" Galen asked.
"I was Cromm Cruach again, a god again. I wanted to feel Merry under me while I was still…" Rhys put his hands out as if he couldn't quite put it into words.
"I was just happy that everyone was alive," I said, and my heart squeezed harder, as if it would truly break. The first hot, hard tear crept out of my eye.
"He is not dead, Merry," Galen said. "Not really."
"He is a stag, and no matter how magical and wonderful that is, he is not my Frost. He ca
I stood up, letting the blanket fall to the floor. "I need some air." I started for the far hallway that would lead farther into the house and eventually to the backyard. Galen got up to follow me.
"No," I said. "No. Just no." I kept walking.
Doyle stopped me at the doorway. "I must finish this talk with our goblin allies."
I nodded, fighting not to break down completely. I couldn't afford to appear that weak in front of the goblins. But I felt like I was suffocating, I had to get somewhere where I could breathe. Somewhere where I could break down.
I started down the corridor at a fast walk. My hounds were suddenly beside me. I started to run and they leaped with me. I needed air. I needed light. I needed…
I heard voices behind me, my guard, calling, "Princess, you shouldn't be alone…"
The hallway changed to a different hallway. I was suddenly outside the dining room. Only the faerie sithen itself was capable of moving with my wish.
I stood there for a moment outside the big double doors, wondering what had we done to Maeve's house. Was the house now a sithen? Was the whole house now part of faerie? No answers, but just through these doors, and through the French doors that had never been there before was outside, and air, and light, and I wanted it.
I opened the doors. I walked carefully on the marble in the heels that I'd worn to please the twins. I thought about taking off the shoes, but I wanted outside first. The dogs's nails clicked on the floor. The Red Caps stood when I entered.
They went down on one knee, even Jonty. "My queen," he said.
"Not queen yet, Jonty," I said.
He gri
"Once all rulers were chosen by the gods. It is the old way. The way such things are meant to be done."
I shook my head. I had never wanted less to be ruler of faerie. The cost, as I'd feared, was so terribly high. Too high.
"Your words are well meant, but my heart is heavy."
"The Killing Frost is not gone."
"He will not help me raise his child. That is gone, Jonty." I started across the vast floor toward the far doors. The windows were a line of brightness. I realized with a start that it had been night when we began this, and was still night outside the main house, but through the windows it was bright day. The sunlight had moved, shadows changing across the floor in the hour since it had appeared, but it ran on a different time than the outside world. It was as if the doors led into the heart of this new sithen. Was this our garden? Our heart of faerie?
Mungo bumped my hand. I stroked his solid head and looked into those eyes. Those eyes that were just a little too wise for a dog. Mi
Rhys and Doyle said that the night we had conceived the babes inside me had been a night of wild magic, but this was wild magic, too. This was creation magic, and that was ancient magic. The most ancient magic imaginable.
The doors opened without my hand reaching out. The breeze was cool and warm at the same time. There was a scent of roses.
I stepped through the doors. They closed behind me and vanished. It didn't frighten me. I had wanted to be outside, and the hallways had changed for me. Inside the Unseelie sithen I could call doors. I didn't want a door right now. I wanted to be alone. The dogs were about as much company as I could stand. I wanted to grieve, and those closest to me were too torn between happiness and sorrow. Sorrow for Frost, but happiness at being kings. I could not bear the mingling of joy and sadness in them anymore. I would be joyful later. But for now, I needed to give myself over to other things. I stood in the center of a sun-drenched clearing with the dogs on either side of me. I raised my face to the heat of that sun and let go of my control. I gave myself over to my grief, with no hands to hold me and be happy. I held the grass-covered earth, the warmth of the dogs fur, and finally wept.
CHAPTER 25
HANDS SLID OVER MY SHOULDERS. I STARTED, THEN TURNED to find Amatheon. His copper hair was haloed in the bright sunlight so that for an instant his face was lost to the brilliance. He seemed made for this new faerie of sunshine and warmth.
I let him hold me, tired from my weeping, exhausted in mind and body, I had had the greatest news of my life today, and some of the saddest. It was like being granted your favorite wish and then being told that the price would be your dearest love. It wasn't fair, and the moment I thought it, I knew that was a child's thought. I was not a child. Life was not fair, and that was just truth.
Amatheon raised my face to his with a gentle hand on my chin. He kissed me. The kiss was gentle, and I gave him gentle back, Then his hands on my back pressed me more tightly against him. His mouth became insistent on mine, asking me with tongue and lips to open for him.
I pushed against his chest so that I could see his face. "Amatheon, please, I have just lost Frost. I…"
He pressed his mouth to mine hard enough that I had a choice of opening my mouth for him or cutting my lips on his teeth. I pushed at him, harder.
The dogs gave a soft growl like music in unison.
I felt something around his mouth that shouldn't have been there, almost like a mustache and beard. The sunlight dazzled my eyes, and the sensation was gone.
He pressed me to the ground. I pushed at him again, and yelled, "Amatheon, no!"
Mungo rushed in and bit his arm. Amatheon cursed at him, but it wasn't the right voice.
I stared at the man above me. Sorrow was gone in a wash of fear. Whoever this was, it wasn't Amatheon.
He leaned over to force a kiss on me again. I raised my hands and tried to keep his face from mine. The moment the queen's ring touched his bare skin, the illusion vanished. The sunlight seemed to dim for a moment, then I was staring up at the face of Taranis, King of Light and Illusion.
I didn't waste time on surprise. I accepted what my eyes told me and acted. I said, "Door, bring me Doyle."
A door appeared beside us. Taranis looked shocked. "You want me. All women want me."
"No, I don't."
The door started to open. He raised a hand and sunlight hit the door like a bar of steel. I heard Doyle's voice, and others, yelling my name.
The dogs rushed him, and he rose to his knees, spilling golden light from his hands. It raised the hair on my body and forced another scream from me.
My eyes were dazzled by the light. I had a ruined glimpse of my hounds lying burned. Mungo was staggering to his feet to try again.
Taranis was on his feet, with my wrist in his hand. I fought to stay on the ground, to not go with him. Doyle and the others were just on the other side of the door. They would come. They would save me.
Taranis's fist came out of the light, and the world went dark.