The Laughing Corpse

Chapter 3

Messy, Dolph had called it. A master of understatement. Blood was everywhere, splattered over the white walls like someone had taken a can of paint and thrown it. There was an off-white couch with brown and gold patterned flowers on it. Most of the couch was hidden under a sheet. The sheet was crimson. A bright square of afternoon sunlight came through the clean, sparkling windows. The sunlight made the blood cherry-red, shiny.

Fresh blood is really brighter than you see it on television and the movies. In large quantities. Real blood is screaming fire-engine red, in large quantities, but darker red shows up on the screen better. So much for realism.

Only fresh blood is red, true red. This blood was old and should have faded, but some trick of the summer sunshine kept it shiny and new.

I swallowed very hard and took a deep breath.

“You look a little green, Blake,” a voice said almost at my elbow.

I jumped, and Zerbrowski laughed. “Did I scare ya?”

“No,” I lied.

Detective Zerbrowski was about five-seven, curly black hair going grey, dark-rimmed glasses framed brown eyes. His brown suit was rumpled; his yellow and maroon tie had a smudge on it, probably from lunch. He was gri

“I gotcha, Blake, admit it. Is our fierce vampire slayer go

“Putting on a little weight there, aren’t you, Zerbrowski?”

“Ooh, I’m hurt,” he said. He clutched hands to his chest, swaying a little. “Don’t tell me you don’t want my body, the way I want yours.”

“Lay off, Zerbrowski. Where’s Dolph?”

“In the master bedroom.” Zerbrowski gazed up at the vaulted ceiling with its skylight. “Wish Katie and I could afford something like this.”

“Yeah,” I said. “It’s nice.” I glanced at the sheet-covered couch. The sheet clung to whatever was underneath, like a napkin thrown over spilled juice. There was something wrong with the way it looked. Then it hit me, there weren’t enough bumps to make a whole human body. Whatever was under there was missing some parts.

The room sort of swam. I looked away, swallowing convulsively. It had been months since I had actually gotten sick at a murder scene. At least the air-conditioning was on. That was good. Heat always makes the smell worse.

“Hey, Blake, do you really need to step outside?” Zerbrowski took my arm as if to lead me towards the door.

“Thanks, but I’m fine.” I looked him straight in his baby browns and lied. He knew I was lying. I wasn’t all right, but I’d make it.

He released my arm, stepped back, and gave me a mock salute. “I love a tough broad.”

I smiled before I could stop it. “Go away, Zerbrowski.”

“End of the hall, last door on the left. You’ll find Dolph there.” He walked away into the crowd of men. There are always more people than you need at a murder scene, not the gawkers outside but uniforms, plainclothes, technicians, the guy with the video camera. A murder scene was like a bee swarm, full of frenzied movement and damn crowded. I threaded my way through the crowd. My plastic-coated ID badge was clipped to the collar of my navy-blue jacket. It was so the police would know I was on their side and hadn’t just snuck in. It also made carrying a gun into a crowd of policemen safer.

I squeezed past a crowd that was gathered like a traffic jam beside a door in the middle of the hall. Voices came, disjointed, “Jesus, look at the blood...Have they found the body yet?...You mean what’s left of it?...No.”

I pushed between two uniforms. One said, “Hey!” I found a cleared space just in front of the last door on the left-hand side. I don’t know how Dolph had done it but he was alone in the room. Maybe they were just finished in here.

He knelt in the middle of the pale brown carpet. His thick hands, encased in surgical gloves, were on his thighs. His black hair was cut so short it left his ears sort of stranded on either side of a large blunt face. He saw me and stood. He was six-eight, built big like a wrestler. The canopied bed behind him suddenly looked small.

Dolph was head of the police’s newest task force, the spook squad. Official title was the Regional Preternatural Investigation Team, R-P-I-T, pronounced “rip it.” It handled all supernatural crime. It was a place to dump the troublemakers. I never wondered what Zerbrowski had done to get on the spook squad. His sense of humor was too strange and absolutely merciless. But Dolph. He was the perfect policeman. I had always sort of figured he had offended someone high up, offended them by being too good at his job. Now that I could believe.

There was another sheet-covered bundle on the carpet beside him.

“Anita.” He always talks like that, one word at a time.

“Dolph,” I said.

He knelt between the canopy bed and the blood-soaked sheet. “You ready?”

“I know you’re the silent type, Dolph, but could you tell me what I’m supposed to be looking for?”

“I want to know what you see, not what I tell you you’re supposed to see.”

For Dolph it was a speech. “Okay,” I said, “let’s do it.”

He pulled back the sheet. It peeled away from the bloody thing underneath. I stood and I stared and all I could see was a lump of bloody meat. It could have been from anything: a cow, horse, deer. But human? Surely not.

My eyes saw it, but my brain refused what it was being shown. I squatted beside it, tucking my skirt under my thighs. The carpeting squeezed underfoot like rain had gotten to it, but it wasn’t rain.

“Do you have a pair of gloves I can borrow? I left my crime scene gear at the office.”

“Right jacket pocket.” He lifted his hands in the air. There were blood marks on the gloves. “Help yourself. The wife hates me to get blood on the dry cleaning.”

I smiled. Amazing. A sense of humor is mandatory at times. I had to reach across the remains. I pulled out two surgical gloves; one size fits all. The gloves always felt like they had powder in them. They didn’t feel like gloves at all, more like condoms for your hands.

“Can I touch it without damaging evidence?”

“Yes.”

I poked the side of it with two fingers. It was like poking a side of fresh beef. A nice, solid feel to it. My fingers traced the bumps of bone, ribs under the flesh. Ribs. Suddenly I knew what I was looking at. Part of the rib cage of a human being. There was the shoulder, white bone sticking out where the arm had been torn away. That was all. All there was. I stood too quickly and stumbled. The carpet squeeshed underfoot.

The room was suddenly very hot. I turned away from the body and found myself staring at the bureau. Its mirror was splattered so heavily with blood, it looked like someone had covered it in layers of red fingernail polish. Cherry Blossom Red, Carnival Crimson, Candy Apple.

I closed my eyes and counted very slowly to ten. When I opened them the room seemed cooler. I noticed for the first time that a ceiling fan was slowly turning. I was fine. Heap big vampire slayer. Ri-ight.

Dolph didn’t comment as I knelt by the body again. He didn’t even look at me. Good man. I tried to be objective and see whatever there was to see. But it was hard. I liked the remains better when I couldn’t figure out what part of the body they were. Now all I could see was the bloody remains. All I could think of was this used to be a human body. “Used to be” was the operative phrase.

“No signs of a weapon that I can see, but the coroner will be able to tell you that.” I reached out to touch it again, then stopped. “Can you help me raise it up so I can see inside the chest cavity? What’s left of the chest cavity.”

Dolph dropped the sheet and helped me lift the remains. It was lighter than it looked. Raised on its side there was nothing underneath. All the vital organs that the ribs protect were gone. It looked for all the world like a side of beef ribs, except for the bones where the arm should have co