The Laughing Corpse

He nodded. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll meet you at Dead Dave’s in about two hours.”

“Make it an hour. I’d like to be out of the District before full dark.”

“Is anybody gu

“Thanks for the concern. No, no one’s after me. Far as I know.”

“You don’t sound real certain.”

I stared at him. I thought about telling him that the new Master of the City had sent me a dozen white roses and an invitation to go dancing. I had turned him down. There had been a message on my machine and an invitation to a black tie affair. I ignored it all. So far the Master was behaving like the courtly gentleman he had been a few centuries back. It couldn’t last. Jean-Claude was not a person who took defeat easily.

I didn’t tell Irving. He didn’t need to know. “I’ll see you at Dead Dave’s in an hour. I’m go

“Now that you mention it, I’ve never seen you in a dress before.”

“I had a funeral today.”

“Business or personal?”

“Personal,” I said.

“Then I’m sorry.”

I shrugged. “I’ve got to go if I’m going to have time to change and then meet you. Thanks, Irving.”

“It’s not a favor, Blake. I’ll make you pay for those zombie articles.”

I sighed. I had images of him making me embrace the poor corpse. But the new legislation needed attention. The more people who understood the horror of it, the better chance it had to pass. In truth, Irving was still doing me a favor. No need to let him know that, though.

I walked away into the dimness of the darkened office. I waved over my shoulder without looking back. I wanted to get out of this dress and into something I could hide a gun on. If I was going into Blood Square, I might need it.

Chapter 12

Dead Dave’s is in the part of St. Louis that has two names. Polite: the Riverfront. Rude: the Blood Quarter. It is our town’s hottest vampire commercial district. Big tourist attraction. Vampires have really put St. Louis on the vacation maps. You’d think that the Ozark Mountains, some of the best fishing in the country, the symphony, Broadway level musicals, or maybe the Botanical Gardens would be enough, but no. I guess it’s hard to compete with the undead. I know I find it difficult.

Dead Dave’s is all dark glass and beer signs in the windows. The afternoon sunlight was fading into twilight. Vamps wouldn’t be out until full dark. I had a little under two hours. Get in, look over the file, get out. Easy. Ri-ight.

I had changed into black shorts, royal-blue polo shirt, black Nikes with a matching blue swish, black and white jogging socks, and a black leather belt. The belt was there so the shoulder holster had something to hang on. My Browning Hi-Power was secure under my left arm. I had thrown on a short-sleeved dress shirt to hide the gun. The dress shirt was in a modest black and royal-blue print. The outfit looked great. Sweat trickled down my spine. Too hot for the shirt, but the Browning gave me thirteen bullets. Fourteen if you’re animal enough to shove the magazine full and carry one in the chamber.

I didn’t think things were that bad, yet. I did have an extra magazine shoved into the pocket of my shorts. I know it picks up pocket lint, but where else was I going to carry it? One of these days I promise to get a deluxe holster with spaces for extra magazines. But all the models I’d seen had to be cut down to my size and made me feel like the Frito Bandito.

I almost never carry an extra clip when I’ve got the Browning. Let’s face it, if you need more than thirteen bullets, it’s over. The really sad part was the extra ammo wasn’t for Tommy, or Gaynor. It was for Jean-Claude. The Master Vampire of the City. Not that silver-plated bullets would kill him. But they would hurt him, make him heal almost human slow.

I wanted out of the District before dark. I did not want to run into Jean-Claude. He wouldn’t attack me. In fact, his intentions were good, if not exactly honorable. He had offered me immortality without the messy part of becoming a vampire. There was some implication that I got him along with eternity. He was tall, pale, and handsome. Sexier than a silk teddy.

He wanted me to be his human servant. I wasn’t anyone’s servant. Not even for eternal life, eternal youth, and a little compromise of the soul. The price was too steep. Jean-Claude didn’t believe that. The Browning was in case I had to make him believe it.

I stepped into the bar and was momentarily blind, waiting for my eyes to adjust to the dimness. Like one of those old westerns where the good guy hesitates at the front of the bar and views the crowd. I suspected he wasn’t looking for the bad guy at all. He had just come out of the sun and couldn’t see shit. No one ever shoots you while you’re waiting for your eyes to adjust. I wonder why?

It was after five on a Thursday. Most of the bar stools and all the tables were taken. The place was cheek to jowl with business suits, male and female. A spattering of work boots and tans that ended at the elbow, but mostly upwardly mobile types. Dead Dave’s had become trendy despite efforts to keep it at bay.

It looked like happy hour was in high gear. Shit. All the yuppies were here to catch a nice safe glimpse of a vampire. They would be slightly sloshed when it happened. Increase the thrill I guess.

Irving was sitting at the rounded corner of the bar. He saw me and waved. I waved back and started pushing my way towards him.

I squeezed between two gentlemen in suits. It took some maneuvering, and a very uncool-looking hop to mount the bar stool.

Irving gri

“I hope you appreciate how many dragons I had to slay to save that seat for you,” he said. The faint smell of whiskey breathed along my cheek as he spoke.

“Dragons are easy, try vampires sometimes,” I said.

His eyes widened. Before his mouth could form the question, I said, “I’m kidding, Irving.” Sheesh, some people just don’t have a sense of humor. “Besides, dragons were never native to North America,” I said.

“I knew that.”

“Sure,” I said.

He sipped whiskey from a faceted glass. The amber liquid shimmered in the subdued light.

Luther, daytime manager and bartender, was down at the far end of the bar dealing with a group of very happy people. If they had been any happier they’d have been passed out on the floor.

Luther is large, not tall, fat. But it is solid fat, almost a kind of muscle. His skin is so black, it has purple highlights. The cigarette between his lips flared orange as he took a breath. He could talk around a cig better than anyone I’d ever met.

Irving picked up a scuffed leather briefcase from off the floor near his feet. He fished out a file over three inches thick. A large rubber band wrapped it together.

“Jesus, Irving. Can I take it home with me?”

He shook his head. “A sister reporter is doing a feature on local upstanding businessmen who are not what they seem. I had to promise her dibs on my firstborn to borrow it for the night.”

I looked at the stack of papers. I sighed. The man on my right nearly rammed an elbow in my face. He turned. “Sorry, little lady, sorry. No harm done.” Little came out liddle, and sorry slushed around the edges.

“No harm,” I said.

He smiled and turned back to his friend. Another business type who laughed uproariously at something. Get drunk enough and everything is fu

“I can’t possibly read the file here,” I said.

He gri