Guilty Pleasures

“Anita.” His voice was soft, normal, but not normal. I glanced where he was looking and saw two more ghouls creeping up behind us.

We stood almost back to back, guns pointing out. “I saw a ghoul attack earlier this week. Healthy man killed, a cemetery where there were no ghouls.”

“Sounds familiar,” he said.

“Yeah. Bullets won’t kill them.”

“I know. What are they waiting for?” he asked.

“Courage, I think.”

“They’re waiting for me,” a voice said. Zachary stepped around the trunk of the tree. He was smiling.

I think my mouth dropped to the ground. Maybe that was what he was smiling at. I knew then. He wasn’t killing human beings to feed his gris-gris. He was killing vampires. Theresa had tormented him, so she had been the next victim. There were still some questions though, big ones.

Edward glanced at me, then back at Zachary. “Who is this?” he asked.

“The vampire murderer, I presume,” I said.

Zachary gave a little bow. A ghoul leaned against his leg, and he stroked its nearly bald head. “When did you guess?”

“Just now. I’m a little slow this year.”

He frowned then. “I thought you’d figure it out eventually.”

“That’s why you destroyed the zombie witness’s mind. To save yourself.”

“It was fortunate that Nikolaos left me in charge of questioning the man.” He smiled when he said it.

“I’ll bet,” I said. “How did you get the two-biter to shoot me at the church?”

“That was easy. I told him the orders came from Nikolaos.”

Of course. “How are you getting the ghouls out of their cemetery? How come they obey your orders?”

“You know the theory that if you bury an animator in a cemetery, you get ghouls.”

“Yeah.”

“When I came out of the grave, they came with me, and they were mine. Mine.”

I glanced at the creatures and found that there were more of them. At least twenty, a big pack. “So you’re saying that’s where ghouls come from.” I shook my head. “There aren’t enough animators in the world to account for all the ghouls.”

“I’ve been thinking about that,” he said. “I think that the more zombies you raise in a cemetery, the greater your chances for ghouls.”

“You mean like a cumulative effect?”

“Exactly. I’ve been wanting to talk this over with another animator, but you see the problem.”

“Yes,” I said, “I do. Can’t talk shop without admitting what you are and what you’ve done.”

Edward fired without warning. The bullet took Zachary in the chest and twisted him around. He lay face down, the ghouls frozen; then Zachary raised himself up on his elbows. He stood with a little help from an anxious ghoul. “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but bullets will never hurt me.”

“Great, a comedian,” I said.

Edward fired again, but Zachary darted behind the tree trunk.

He called, hidden from sight. “Now, now, no hitting the head. I’m not sure what would happen if you put a bullet in my brain.”

“Let’s find out,” Edward said.

“Good-bye, Anita. I won’t stay around to watch.” He walked away with a troop of ghouls surrounding him. He was crouched in the middle of them, hiding I supposed from a bullet in the brain, but for a minute I couldn’t pick him out.

Two more ghouls appeared around the car, crouched low on the gravel drive. One was female with the tatters of a dress still clinging to her.

“Let’s give them something to be afraid of,” Edward said. I felt him move, and his gun fired twice. A high-pitched squealing filled the night. The ghoul on my car leaped to the ground and hid. But there were more of them moving in from all sides. At least fifteen of them had been left behind for us to play with.

I fired and hit one of them. It fell to its side and rolled in the gravel, making that same high-pitched noise, like a wounded rabbit. Piteous and animal.

“Is there anyplace we can run to?” Edward asked.

“The maintenance shed,” I said.

“Is it wood?”

“Yes.”

“It won’t stop them.”

“No,” I said, “but it will get us out of the open.”

“Okay, any advice before we start to move?”

“Don’t run until we are very close to the shed. If you run, they’ll chase you. They’ll think you’re scared.”

“Anything else?” he asked.

“You don’t smoke, do you?”

“No, why?”

“They’re afraid of fire.”

“Great; we’re going to be eaten alive because neither one of us smokes.”

I almost laughed. He sounded so thoroughly disgusted, but a ghoul was crouching to leap at me, and I had to shoot it between the eyes. No time for laughter.

“Let’s go, slow and easy,” I said.

“I wish the machine gun wasn’t in the car.”

“Me, too.”

Edward fired three shots, and the night filled with squeals and animal screams. We started walking towards the distant shed. I’d say maybe a quarter of a mile away. It was going to be a long walk.

A ghoul charged us. I dropped it, and it spilled to the grass, but it was like shooting targets, no blood, just empty holes. It hurt, but not enough. Not nearly enough.

I was walking nearly backwards, one hand back feeling Edward’s forward movement. There were too many of them. We were not going to make it to the shed. No way. One of the chickens made a soft, questioning cluck. I had an idea.

I shot one of the chickens. It flopped, and the other bird panicked, beating its wings against the wooden crate. The ghouls froze, then one put its face into the air and sniffed.

Fresh blood, boys, come and get it. Fresh meat. Two ghouls were suddenly racing for the chickens. The rest followed, scrambling over each other to crack the wood and get to the juicy morsels inside.

“Keep walking, Edward, don’t run, but walk a little faster. The chickens won’t hold them long.”

We walked a little faster. The sounds of scrambling claws, cracking bone, the splatter of blood, the squabbling howls of the ghouls—it was an unwelcome preview.

Halfway to the shed, a howl went up through the night, long and hostile. No dog ever sounded like that. I glanced back, and the ghouls were rushing over the ground on all fours.

“Run!” I said.

We ran.

We crashed against the shed door and found the damn thing padlocked. Edward shot the lock off; no time to pick it. The ghouls were close, howling as they came.

We scrambled inside, closing the door, for what good it would do us. There was one small window high up near the ceiling; moonlight suddenly spilled through it. There was a herd of lawnmowers against one wall, some of them hanging from hooks. Gardening shears, hedge trimmers, trowels, a curl of garden hose. The whole shed smelled of gasoline and oily rags.

Edward said, “There’s nothing to put against the door, Anita.”

He was right. We’d blown the lock off. Where was a heavy object when you needed it? “Roll a lawnmower against it.”

“That won’t hold them long.”

“It’s better than nothing,” I said. He didn’t move, so I rolled a lawnmower against the door.

“I won’t die, eaten alive,” he said. He put a fresh clip in his gun. “I’ll do you first if you want, or you can do it yourself.”

I remembered then that I had shoved the matchbook Zachary had given me in my pocket. Matches, we had matches!

“Anita, they’re almost here. Do you want to do it yourself?”

I pulled the matchbook out of my pocket. Thank you, God. “Save your bullets, Edward.” I lifted a can of gasoline in one hand.

“What are you pla

The howls were crashing around us; they were almost here.

“I’m going to set the shed on fire.” I splashed gasoline on the door. The smell was sharp and tugged at the back of my throat.

“With us inside?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“I’d rather shoot myself, if it’s all the same to you.”

“I don’t plan to die tonight, Edward.”

A claw smashed through the door, talons raking the wood, tearing it apart. I lit a match and threw it on the gasoline-soaked door. It went up with a blue-white whoosh of flame. The ghoul screamed, covered in fire, stumbling back from the ruined door.