The Queen's Fool

But as the weather warmed, and the baby did not come, I thought that her God must be a harsh deity indeed if he could take the prayers and the suffering of such a queen and not give her a child to love.

Mistress Boy,

The queen is to come out of her confinement soon, and I need you here to advise me. You may bring me my blue velvet missal which I left in the chapel at my seat and come at once.

Robt.

I went to the chapel, with Da

He was not an ordinary child. Even I, who knew so little about children, could tell that. Like a house with shuttered windows the child had shielded himself, and in closing doors and windows, had shut himself away from the life of the world outside. I felt that I was standing outside, calling for a response that might never come. But I was determined to go on calling to him.

The court was at Richmond and the moment I arrived I knew that something had happened. There was an air of suppressed excitement in the stables, everyone was gossiping in corners and there was no one to take our horses, not even the Dudley grooms.

I threw the reins to the nearest young man, and with Da

I did not dare to ask a stranger, for fear of the reply I might get, so I pushed on, walking faster and faster, through the entrance to the i

His dull gaze went first to Da

“Will, it’s me.”

At my voice he paused and looked at me more closely. “Ha

I nodded at the implied reproach. “Will, what has happened?”

He did not remark on my clothes, on my child, on anything. “It’s the queen,” he said.

“Oh, Will, she’s not dead?”

He shook his head. “Not yet. But it can only be a matter of time.”

“The baby?” I asked with a swift sure painful knowledge.

“It’s happened again,” he said. “There was no baby. Again. And again she is the laughingstock of Europe and the mistress of her own humiliation.”

Without thinking I stretched out my hands to him for comfort and he gripped them tightly.

“Is she ill?” I whispered after a moment.

“Her women say that she will not rise up from the floor,” he said. “She sits, hunched on the floorboards, more like a beggar woman than a queen. I don’t know how it can have happened, Ha

“Why? What will happen next?” I repeated, aghast.

He hunched a shoulder and gave me a crooked sad smile. “Nothing much here,” he said dismissively. “It’s at Hatfield that it will all happen. There is the heir, clearly, we can’t make one here. We’ve had two tries at an heir here and all we get is wind. Not the right sort of air at all. But at Hatfield – why, there is half her court already, and the rest rushing to join them. She’ll have her speech ready, I don’t doubt. She’ll be all prepared for the day when they tell her that the queen is dead and she is the new queen. She’ll have it all pla

“You’re right.” I shared his bitterness. “And she has her speech ready. She’s going to say: ‘This is the Lord’s doing; it is marvelous in our eyes.’”

Will gave a bitter crow of laughter. “Good God! She is a marvelous princess. How d’you know that? How d’you know she’s going to say that?”

I could feel a gurgle of laughter in my throat. “Oh, Will! She asked me what the queen was going to say at her accession, and when I told her she thought it so good she would use it herself.”

“Well, why not?” he asked, suddenly bitter again. “She will have taken everything else. Queen Mary’s own husband, the people’s love, the throne, and now the very words out of her sister’s mouth.”

I nodded. “Do you think I can see the queen?”

He smiled. “She won’t recognize you. You have become a beautiful woman, Ha

I shook my head. “Love, I think.”

“For your husband? You found him, did you?”

“I found him, and then I lost him almost at once, Will, because I was a fool, filled with pride and jealousy. But I have his son, and he has taught me to love without thinking of myself. I love him more than I thought possible. More than I knew I could love anyone. This is my son, Da

Will smiled at Da

“Can you hold him for me, while I ask at her door if I may see the queen?”

Will held out his arms and Da

“Jane, it is me,” I said. “Ha

It was a sign of the depth of the queen’s grief and Jane’s despair that she did not remark on my unexpected return, nor on my new costume.

“Perhaps she’ll speak to you,” she said very quietly, alert for eavesdroppers. “Be careful what you say. Don’t mention the king, nor the baby.”

I felt my courage evaporate. “Jane, I don’t know that she would want to see me, can you ask?”

Her hands were in the small of my back pushing me forward. “And don’t mention Calais,” she said. “Nor the burnings. Nor the cardinal.”

“Why not the cardinal?” I demanded, trying to wriggle away. “D’you mean Cardinal Pole?”

“He is sick,” she said. “And disgraced. He’s recalled to Rome. If he dies or if he goes to Rome for punishment, she will be utterly alone.”

“Jane, I can’t go in there and comfort her. There is nothing I can say to comfort her. She has lost everything.”

“There is nothing anyone can say,” she said brutally. “She is as low down as a woman can be driven, and yet she has to rise up. She is still queen. She has to rise up and rule this country, or Elizabeth will push her off the throne within a week. If she does not sit on her throne, Elizabeth will push her into her grave.”