Daemons Are Forever

“I am not just any old thief,” he said haughtily. “I am a gentleman burglar. I steal beautiful objects from people who don’t appreciate them, and pass them on to people who can. For a percentage. I only steal the very best, from the very best. I have standards.”

“How did you get into the grounds u

Sebastian gave me his best supercilious smile. “I am a professional burglar, old thing, and an expert in my craft. And I … called in a few old favours. You know how it is.”

“Not even remotely,” I said. “Enlighten me.”

“Do you tell me all your secrets? Suffice it to say it was a one-time deal, and highly unlikely to be repeated. And as to why I chose the less obvious way in, let’s just say I wasn’t entirely sure of my welcome. Given our past history. Your message to the rogues did say All sins forgiven, but I’m afraid I’ve grown terribly cynical in my time away from the family.”

“You have so many sins to be forgiven,” I said. “Including those against me and Molly. But don’t sweat it, Seb, just because you betrayed me to my enemies. We take that kind of thing for granted in the family, these days. But you seemed to be doing so well, out in the world…Why leave your little lap of luxury in Knightsbridge, after all these years? And don’t even mention the word duty; I know you, Seb.”

“I want my torc back,” Sebastian said flatly. “I’ve made too many enemies in my time to survive long without one.”

“Fair enough,” I said. “But if just one precious heirloom goes missing in the Hall while you’re here, I’ll know it was you. And I will have Molly turn you into something even more slimy than you already are.”

“Something truly viscous and oozy, with exposed eyeballs and testicles,” Molly said gleefully. “I’ve been practicing.”

“And they say you can’t come home again,” said Sebastian. “This is exactly how I remember the family: coldly judgmental and extremely threatening. Worry not, Edwin, I’m not here to make waves. I just want my torc. Even if I have to, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, earn the damn thing.”

“That’s the spirit,” I said. “You’ll fit in nicely.”

“I understand you’re looking for tutors,” said Sebastian. “There are any number of useful tricks I could teach to the…more open-minded young Droods. Subjects and skills they probably never even dreamed of.”

“I should hope not,” I said. “Or they’d have been kicked out, just like you.”

Sebastian sniffed, hurt. “There isn’t an ounce of charity in you, is there, Edwin?”

“Not a bit,” I said. “I had it all removed surgically. Now; who’s your friend?”

“Oh, I’m Freddie Drood, darling!” said the young man on Molly’s other side. “Fabulous to meet you!”

Freddie was tall and dark and handsome, with coffee-coloured skin and close-cropped jet-black hair. He wore a snakeskin jacket over a silk shirt open to the navel, and Levi’s so tight he must have shrunk them on in the bath. He had mascaraed eyes, a bushy moustache, and a big, toothy grin.

“Freddie,” I said. “Can’t say the name rings a bell.”

“How unkind,” said Freddie, pouting. “I was absolutely notorious in my time, darling. But of late I found myself just a teensy bit financially embarrassed, so I teamed up with Sebbie here, as partners in crime. I got him into all the best parties, so he could case the joints, and then we came back later and robbed the poor dears blind.”

“And just why did the family find it necessary to kick you out?” I said.

“Oh, I’ve always been big and flamboyant and larger than life, honey,” said Freddie, throwing back his head and striking a dramatic pose. “I started out as a field agent, but once away from dreary family restraints, I just blossomed! I was practically a celeb, darling, and positively in demand for every little bash where the famous and infamous gathered. The family approved at first, because I picked up the most wonderful gossip about our putative lords and masters…But I just couldn’t bring myself to stay under the radar. I was getting noticed…so the family told me to come back home. I refused, and they cut me off without a pe

“Fortunately, I was already living with the first of a long line of sugar daddies, all of them quite prepared to keep me in the style to which I was determined to become accustomed, so for a long time it was just party, party, and let the good times roll! Until I made the mistake of trying to set up a little private income of my own, through a little discreet blackmail. The very first person I chose committed suicide, the poor dear, and left a very revealing letter behind. After that I was persona non grata in all the better circles, for ever such a long time. Which is how I ended up with Sebbie. I had a very large lifestyle to fund, darling: dancing and drinking and debauchery, all night long!”

“And what are you doing back here?” I said, when Freddie finally paused for breath.

“I really do need a torc, sweetie. There are just too many diseases out there these days. Don’t worry, I’m quite prepared to sing for my supper. A girl in my position does tend to hear things. I’m sure I can tell you all sorts of things you need to hear…”

“I’m sure you can,” I said. “All right; you both appall me beyond my ability to describe, but unfortunately, right now, you’re probably just what the family needs. Go on in and report to the Sarjeant-at-Arms, and find a way to make yourselves useful. Seb, I think we’ll keep you nice and busy with a series of lectures and tutorials. Like how to use a torc in illegal ways, for breaking and entering, and so on. Freddie, try to keep busy, and out of trouble.”

“Honey, I’ve never been that busy in my life,” said Freddie.

And with a wave and a wink, he sauntered off into the Hall, with Sebastian trailing dolefully after him.

“Was that wise?” said Molly. “One’ll get you ten they only came back to loot the Hall.”

“Maybe,” I said. “Hopefully the Sarjeant will keep them under his thumbs. It’s either that, or kill them. And we need the rogues to come home. We need their different viewpoints, knowledge, skills.”

“Even if it means welcoming back pond scum like Sebastian?”

“Everyone deserves a chance,” I said. “I need to believe…that anyone can be redeemed.”

At which point Freddie returned, without Sebastian. “I’ve just had a thought!” he said brightly. “As I understand it, the family has put out a call for all rogues to come home, but hardly any are taking up the offer. Am I right? Thought so, darlings. Quite understandable, I’m afraid. Not everyone trusts the new regime to be terribly different from the old one. But… I have been known to bump into all sorts of rogues in my time, in all sorts of interesting places. Some long forgotten, or even thought dead, by the family. How would it be … if I were to go out into the world, track these elusive fellows down, and use all my many charms to persuade them to come home? For a generous bounty on each head, of course.”

“Oh, of course,” I said. “Sounds good to me. Do well, and I guarantee you a new torc. Didn’t take you long to get tired of the old homestead, did it?”

“Honey, I’d forgotten just how oppressive the old pile is,” said Freddie. “I could never live here. It would just crush my spirit. I would wither, darlings, positively wither! I must have my freedom.”

“You’ve got it,” I said. “You can leave right now.”

“And the extent of the bounty?”

“Depends on who you can deliver,” I said. “You can find your own way out, can’t you?”

“I always do, honey,” said Freddie.

He sauntered off down the long gravel pathway, swaying his hips just that little bit more because he knew we were watching. Somehow I just knew Freddie was always happiest in front of an audience.