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I yelled a warning to Ms. Fate at the wheel, and Lord Screech on the roof, concentrated all my remaining strength; and a Timeslip opened up before us. Nothing subtle or complex about this one, only a great rip in space and time, and a huge glowing tu
And then the Fatemobile shot out the other end of the Timeslip, and Ms. Fate swore harshly and slammed on all the brakes. The car screeched to a halt, stopping only a few yards short of the massive barricade blocking the street before us. It rocked to a complete halt, amidst the unpleasant smell of scorched fluffy tyres, while I glared through the cracked windscreen at the man standing so elegantly before us. He raised his bowler hat to us, politely and entirely without irony, and smiled complacently.
"Nice try, John," said Walker. "Everyone out, please. End of the line."
Ms. Fate looked at me, but I shook my head tiredly. No point in fighting any more. We'd done all we could. The three of us stepped out of the Fatemobile. The car looked like it had been through hell, but it had held together and got us here safely. I patted the scarred pink bo
"Any ideas?" said Ms. Fate. "I'm feeling rather out of my depth, and distinctly outgu
"Relax," said Lord Screech. "They're only human. Except possibly Walker; we've never been too sure about him."
"He's human," I said. "The best and the worst of us, wrapped up in one underhanded package."
"Ah, John," Walker murmured. "You know me so well."
"You could have taken us at any time," I said, too tired even to be properly outraged. "You let us exhaust ourselves fighting your proxies, waiting for me to be dumb enough to use a Timeslip, all of which you'd interfered with to deliver us here. Of course. It's what I would have done." I looked at Screech. "If you've got any explodos left in your finger, feel free…"
"If I did, I wouldn't be foolish enough to use it on Walker," said the elf. "He's protected."
"Can we at least try talking reasonably?" I said to Walker. "I know the odds are against it, but we have been able to find common ground in the past."
"That's right, John," said Ms. Fate. "You talk reasonably to Walker, and I'll be right behind you. So I can use you as a human shield when the shooting starts."
Lord Screech stepped forward, suddenly seeming more arrogant, noble, and inhuman than ever. All the troopers' guns moved to follow him. Walker leaned on his umbrella and gave Screech his full attention.
"Hold hard and stand amazed," said the elf, in a carrying, sonorous voice. "I hold all answers here, and it is I who must bar confusion. Let it be known by all that I am not Lord Screech, Pale Prince of Owls, but yet still an elf of great renown and vital importance."
"You're not who you claimed to be?" said Walker. "Really, you do amaze me. An elf who lies-who would have thought it? I don't give a damn who you really are; just give me the damned Peace Treaty. Or we can take it from your cold dead fingers, if you prefer. Guess which I'd enjoy most?"
I looked at Screech. "Who are you? And why do I know I'm not going to like the answer?"
"Maybe you're psychic," said the elf, with a smile and a wink.
His glamour disappeared like a cut-off song, and the whole world seemed to shake and reassemble itself, as Lord Screech gave way to the real elf, and his true form. I think we all gaped, just a little. In place of the typically tall and slender Lord Screech, we were now faced with an elf almost twice as tall as any of us, but bent over by a hunched back that pulled one shoulder down and forward, ending in a withered arm and a clawed hand. The rest of his form was smooth and supple as a dancer, but his hair was grey, his flesh was the colour of old bone, and two elegant horns thrust up from his heavy brow. He wore a pelt of some animal fur that blended into his own hairy torso, and his legs ended in cloven hooves. He was noble and elegant and almost unbearably inhuman. He gri
"Of course," I said. "I should have known. The only elf that is not perfect. Puck."
"Indeed," he said, in a cold, lilting voice. "Who else but I, that wild rover of the speckled night, could pass freely between two elven Courts and yet pay allegiance to none? Loved by both, trusted by neither, able to speak and hear the things no other elf could be suffered to know? I am Puck, that merry wanderer of the Nightside, and I have led you all in a sweet and merry dance, to suit mine own purposes. I do not have the Peace Treaty, Lord Walker. I never did. Another elf has it, one of lesser renown but great craft, and he has passed quietly and unobserved through the Nightside, hidden and protected behind a most powerful glamour, while I have been so very visible, alongside the infamous John Taylor, holding your attention all this while. That other elf has now gone through the Osterman Gate with the Peace Treaty, and my part in this game is done. Be a good loser, good Walker."
Walker considered this for a long moment, while I reminded myself, yet again, Never trust an elf.
"I could still have you shot," said Walker. "If only on general principles."
"You could try," said Puck. "But even if you did somehow succeed, you would but provide the one common cause that could unite all elves to go to war with the Nightside. I may not be perfect, but I am still royal; and an insult done to me is an insult to all the Fae."
"Oh, get out of here," said Walker, smiling just a little. "Before I run you all in for loitering with intent."
He turned his back and strode away, waving at his troopers to accompany him. I felt like shouting after them as to who was going to dismantle their bloody big barricade; but I thought I'd pushed my luck enough for one day. I turned to Puck.
"I really don't like elves," I said.
"You're not supposed to," said Puck. "Merely marvel at our cu
"You want a slap?" I said.
"Never trust an elf," said Ms. Fate. "They always have their own agenda."
"Well, quite," said Puck.
"That's it," said Ms. Fate. "I am out of here. I let my lovely car be ruined because of you! I risked my life for you!"
"Of course," said Puck. "That's what humans are for."
I really thought I was going to have to stand between them, for a moment. Ms. Fate glared at me.
"I'll be waiting for my cut of your fee. And the next time you need a ride, call somebody else."
She stomped back to the Fatemobile, threw herself through the space where the door used to be to slip behind the steering wheel, fired up the engines, and roared away. I considered Puck thoughtfully.
"So," I said. "Here we are. Mission accomplished, more or less. Now tell me what you promised I need to know."