From Hell with love

So I took out the skeleton key again, and waved it vaguely back and forth in front of the computer, hoping it might act like a Hand of Glory, but it didn't. The computer just stared back at me, smugly mute. I looked at the bone key. Since it was a key, perhaps it needed to be inserted and turned… I pushed the key against the computer, and it sank into and through the plastic casing. The surface just seemed to soften and open up, and the key disappeared inside, almost sucked in. I was so startled I almost let go of the key and lost it inside the computer. But I held on, until my hand was pressed right up against the computer casing. It felt disturbingly warm, almost organic… I turned the key, and the computer started up. The monitor screen turned itself on, and all kinds of passwords and secret protocols flashed on and off. I gingerly withdrew the key, but the computer just kept going, all but rolling over on its back and showing me all it had. Records going back centuries, trivial and ultra secret, were all right there at my fingertips.

First things first: where were Doctor Delirium and Tiger Tim, and the Apocalypse Door? The computer didn't even hesitate: all three were now located at Area 52, in the Antarctic, out past the McMurdo Sound. I grimaced, despite myself. There were harder places to get to and get into, but not many. Area 51 has always been a government joke, a public distraction, all smoke and mirrors to hold the world's attention, while all the real secret research goes on in Area 52. That's where America keeps all the dangerous and exotic weird stuff it's accumulated down the years, trying to reverse engineer something useful out of it. Far and far away from anywhere civilised, of course, so that if something does go wrong… they can always blame it on global warming. Of course, they never get their hands on the really dangerous stuff. We always get there first, and grab the good stuff for ourselves. Droods aren't big on sharing. But we let America find enough to keep them happy, and occupied. And who knows, maybe one day they'll create something really neat. And then we'll probably step in and steal it. Droods aren't big on playing well with others, either.

I found an attached and encrypted file that looked interesting, so I opened it. Turned out to be a recent communication between Tiger Tim and the Immortals, in the form of a video recording. So I set it ru

"Hello, my secret masters. My hidden partners. Or whatever you see yourselves as this week. As far as I'm concerned, you just exist to get me what I want, and don't you forget it. If you choose to think you're in charge, that's fine by me, but don't get uppity. My family, the high and mighty Droods, thought they were in charge of me, right up to the point where I decided to prove them wrong. Anyway, you asked for an update, so here it is.

"Dear Doctor Delirium is still in the dark about our relationship. He still thinks he's in charge. Though he doesn't do much of anything, anymore. Just sits there in his very private office, weirding out over the Apocalypse Door. Won't let anyone else near it. They say he talks to it, but until it starts actually answering him, I don't think I'll worry. I'm having him carefully watched, round the clock, just in case he suddenly decides to try and open the Door ahead of schedule. In which case my people will jump on him with heavy boots on.

"On your orders, oh my masters, I persuaded him to move everyone here to Area 52, and we're settling in nicely. Taking control meant using up most of our remaining Accelerated Men, but that was to be expected. I've got my people ru

"The Doctor did show some interest in the wide variety of strange and unusual objects stored in the Area Armoury. He was like a kid with new toys there, for a while. I kept an eye, just to make sure he didn't press the wrong big red button. However, the Doctor now seems convinced that he's found something he can use to keep himself safe and protected, after he opens the Apocalypse Door. So he can be King of the Earth, with all the hosts of Hell at his command. I am not convinced. He won't let me see what it is, so I can't be sure of what he's found, or indeed if it exists at all outside of his increasingly addled mind. While we're on the subject, take a look at this."

The image on the screen changed abruptly, to show surveillance coverage from a presumably hidden camera in Doctor Delirium's office. The mad scientist was dancing in front of the Apocalypse Door, which stood quietly upright on its own. The Doctor stopped abruptly and railed at the Door, waving his hands about. His voice was loud and harsh. I hit the pause button, and then zoomed in on the Door itself. I'd never seen it before. It did look quite remarkably ordinary, and everyday, except for the fact that it stood upright entirely unsupported. But given what just simple proximity had done to the Doctor… I started the message ru

"It didn't have to be like this! It didn't! I was just going to blackmail all the governments of the Earth, and have them all bow down to me, and give me everything I ever wanted, but not now. Not now! You showed me. You were right all along. They laughed at me. They laughed at me! Never took me seriously! Well, now I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore! No. No. I will open the Door of Hell, smash all the locks and break all the bolts and the dead shall come forth to take their revenge on the living. Oh yes! And all the peoples of the Earth shall be outnumbered by the damned… Yes. People. Why should I care about people? What did they ever do, but laugh at me…"

He disappeared, his image replaced by Tiger Tim, slouched almost bonelessly in his comfortable chair. "See what I mean? Loony tune, big time. It's a wonder to me he can still dress himself. Do we really need to indulge him anymore? Can't I just kill him? As long as I don't actually do it in front of his people, they'll carry on taking orders from me. I don't know why you're dragging your feet on this. It's not like we need him for anything… Except as a possible scapegoat, in case the Door turns out to be a dud, and we all need to disappear hastily into the background…" He smiled suddenly. "No. It's real. The Door is very definitely everything they say it is. You can't be around it for more than a few moments, and not know that. You can feel it, right down in your bones, in your soul. I'm quite looking forward to the opening. Let loose the Dogs of Hell, rain darkness down upon the Earth… Cull Humanity back to a more manageable level, just as I always wanted. And unlike the dear Doctor, I will be in control of the Door. I've done my research, quite separate from the Doctor's. It should be simple enough to reverse the process, and have all the devils and all the damned just sucked back through the Door into Hell. And then I will slam the Door shut in their faces, and laugh at them. All right, yes, I admit it, that is just a theory. But then everything is, where the Apocalypse Door is concerned. But it all seems straightforward enough. As though whoever originally created the Door intended for it to be easy to use."

And all the time I was thinking, You fool. You bloody fool. Easy to open and easy to close? That's what the Door wants you to think.