Rebellious Desire

"I didn't apologize, but I'm not going to argue about it."

"Then I believe it's my turn," Bradford a

Caroline had dropped the soap and stood up during his speech. "Don't you dare tease me, Bradford." Tears coursed down her cheeks and she brushed them away with the back of her hand. "Are you telling me the truth? You really love me?"

Bradford was out of the tub and holding Caroline in his arms before she could move. "Have I done that to you?" he asked, his voice filled with pain. "God, Caroline, I love you! I think I always have. And now that I'm finally about to say the words, you cry! I've never lied to you, Caroline. Never!" His voice was so fierce and Caroline could hear the agony.

She cried into his chest and Bradford stood there, feeling completely helpless. He dripped water all over the floor while she dripped hot tears all over him.

"You can't take it back."

Caroline's voice was muffled and he had to ask her to repeat what she had just said. She was sniffling and hiccupping but she finally got the words out. "I said you can't take it back."

Bradford started to laugh, and surely that was the reason for the tears in his own eyes. He dragged his trembling wife to the bed and hugged her under the covers. He kissed her, a long, satisfying kiss, and then told her again and again how much he loved her, until he was certain that she believed him.

"I'm waiting to hear the rest," Caroline told him. She drummed her fingers against his chest for a full minute before she realized that Bradford wasn't going to say anything else. And then she started to laugh. "God, but you're a stubborn man! Of course you love me. I've known it for the longest time," she lied brazenly. "Now admit that you'll trust me, no matter what the circumstances."

"Outline all of them before I commit myself," Bradford returned, gri

"And so do you," Caroline told him. "We used my soap. It's scented."

Bradford grumbled to himself.

"At least you don't smell like your horse anymore," Caroline volunteered with a chuckle. "You know, Bradford, the name of your horse was a definite clue and I'm only now realizing it."

"What are you talking about?" Bradford asked, confused.

"Reliance! It was a key to what you value, what was missing from your life," Caroline explained.

"I do trust you, Caroline," Bradford admitted. "But as for the jealousy, I can't promise. I'll try," he vowed. He told her he loved her again, finding a freedom and joy he didn't know possible with just the simple acknowledgment, and made love to her, slowly this time. He built the fires with calculating accuracy, knowing exactly where to touch, how to give her the pleasure he had fantasized about all the nights he was apart from her.

He loved her with an intensity that caused her to weep again.

"I love you, Caroline," Bradford said, squeezing her against him.

"I'll never tire of hearing it."

It took a moment for Bradford to remember that those were the exact words he had used with her. He smiled, appreciating her humor.

"Bradford? When did you know? When did you realize that you loved me?"

"It wasn't a bolt of lightning," Bradford told her. Caroline was stretched out on her back and Bradford propped himself on one elbow to look at her.

He gri

Caroline laughed. "You are so romantic!"

"As romantic as you are. I seem to remember you telling me that loving me was like having a stomach ache."

"Bradford, I was irritated then," Caroline confessed.

"I was immediately drawn to you," Bradford continued. "I would have taken you for my mistress and damned the consequences if you'd only been agreeable," he admitted.

"I knew it."

"But you weren't like any other woman at all. The night we went to Aimsmond's affair, you didn't wear any jewels."

"What does that have to do with anything?" Caroline asked.

"They weren't important to you," Bradford explained. He laughed, thinking of his stupidity, and confessed, "I did try to buy your affection with the gifts, didn't I?"

"You did," Caroline told him, pleased that he recognized it. "And you've been perfectly horrid to me as well. Did you know the state of this place when you sent me here?"

Bradford grimaced and reluctantly nodded. "I was angry, Caroline. You were rejecting everything I had to offer," he added with a shrug.

"Not everything," Caroline whispered. Her voice had turned serious now, as serious as her expression. "I only wanted your love and trust."

"I understand that now," Bradford returned. "Would you be content to live with me in the country the rest of your life?"

"I would live in the heart of London's slum with you as long as you love me," Caroline answered. "I do like the country life. I was raised on a farm, after all!"

"And do you think you'll learn to call England home?" he asked.

"Well, I must admit that it has been a difficult adjustment. It was so much calmer in Boston, Bradford. No one was pushing me down steps or writing horrid letters. And I don't think anyone hated me enough to try to kill me. And some of the gentlemen here are without morals! Have you noticed that? Of course," she rambled on, "we have our share of scoundrels in the Colonies as well, but they don't dress as gentlemen."

Bradford smiled. "You've had your share of difficulties," he admitted. "But I'll watch out for you."

"I know you will," Caroline replied. "And I have met some very nice people. England is home now." She sighed and snuggled against her husband, vastly content. "It isn't boring, I can tell you that."

"My sweet, life is never boring for you," Bradford returned. "Benjamin told me about the mischief you caused in Boston. Your father should be thankful that his brother had to chase you when you were growing up. I understand you were quite a handful."

"I was always quiet and shy," Caroline a

"I know that he did," Bradford returned. His expression turned intent and he added, "He made a sacrifice for you, Caroline."

She nodded. "I'm sure that he did, but I don't understand the reason. Do you think that someday he'll tell me?"

Bradford remembered how Caroline's father had begged him not to tell Caroline about the accident and his promise that he would tell her after the danger had passed. He realized, now, that he was wrong to keep the truth from her. She was his wife, his love, and they should share the worries as well as the joys together. "Your father paid me a visit while I was in London. He told me about an incident that happened almost fifteen years ago."

"One night, some men came to your father's house. His country home," he qualified. "You were asleep but must have heard the noise and came downstairs. The men tried to kill your father and you accidentally shot one of them."

Caroline's face showed her astonishment. "I did?"

Bradford nodded. "You don't remember any of it, do you?"

She shook her head. "Tell me how it happened," she demanded. "Why did they want to kill my father?"

Bradford explained the story the way that it had been recounted to him. When he was finished, he waited for Caroline to absorb all of it. She had sat up during the recitation, and looked at him with an intent expression on her face.