The Beach

'Shit,' I mouthed, and Jed rolled his eyes desperately.

I thought for a minute. Then I started to creep backwards along the track. Jed stared at me as if to say, 'Where the fuck are you going?' but I raised a hand to tell him not to worry. I knew what to do because I'd seen it done on Tour of Duty.

I can never remember the names on Tour of Duty. That's partly because the series is so terrible, but it's also because the characters come from the same school as NYPD Blue's (black lieutenant, unorthodox cops who get results). So in Tour of Duty you have the tough sergeant who knows all the tricks, the green lieutenant who learns all the tricks, the simple Southern hick who learns to make friends with the sassy blacks, the Hispanic you can rely on in a firefight, and the East-Coaster who wears glasses and probably reads books. The names really aren't important.

The main thing is the scenes that these characters play out – tending the orphan who's been wounded by shrapnel, stopping a rival platoon from doing a Zippo raid, leaping from helicopters into a whirlpool of flattened grass, hugging comrades as they cough and die, and dealing with mines.

The platoon is walking through the jungle when suddenly there is a barely audible click. Everyone hits the dirt except one man, an FNG, who stands rigid with fear. 'I don't wa

Bizarrely, Sarge starts to tell the soldier about an apparently unrelated incident that happened when he was a kid, working on his daddy's farm. Sarge had a hound dog that he loved dearly, name of Ol' Blue, and the soldier listens, distracted by the clever ploy. Meanwhile, Sarge is easing his knife under the soldier's boot and sweat is cutting a line through the dirt on his brow.

Ol' Blue was caught in a rabbit snare, Sarge explains, and every time he struggled the snare grew tighter. The soldier nods, still not grasping the co

I wasn't going to start blathering on to Jed about Ol' Blue. As I gently laid the stone on the rifle barrel, even the noise of rock scraping against metal sounded like someone hammering on a petrol drum. When the stone was positioned I looked up at Jed. He shrugged calmly and motioned for me to get up. I suppose he wanted me to be ready to start ru

Inch by inch, Jed eased up his foot. The butt shifted downwards a fraction and I heard him draw in a quick breath, but it didn't contact the Thai's arm. We exchanged a glance, stepped gingerly over the man's legs and continued quietly down the island. Drama over.

It took us another forty-five minutes to reach the top of the waterfall, and I gri

Credit

I dived off the waterfall that day, much to Jed's surprise, and much to my surprise too. I hadn't been pla

Jed had no better answers for the phenomenon than me, but he always gave it a try. 'Shadows, cast by clouds hidden behind the horizon,' he was arguing that night, when I tapped him on the arm and said, 'Watch this.' Then I toppled forwards. The next instant I was watching the cliff face rushing past me and feeling a distant sense of alarm that my legs were bent. Their displaced weight was turning me in the air, and I was in danger of landing on my back. I tried to straighten them and a moment later I hit the pool, where I spun through several violent underwater revolutions, lost all the air from my lungs, and drifted back to the surface.

Up on the cliff top I could see Jed watching me with his hands on his hips. He didn't say anything, but I knew he disapproved. A little while later he snapped at me as we made our way from the waterfall pool to the camp, although it may also have had something to do with the song I was singing.

It was 'I saw a mouse! Where? There on the stair. Where on the stair? Right there! A little mouse with clogs on, well I declare, going clip-clippity-clop on the stair, right there!'

'Jesus, Richard!' he said, as I looped the tune and began the chorus again. 'What's got into you?'

'I'm singing,' I replied breezily.

'I know you are. Cut it out.'

'You don't know that song?'

'No.'

'You must know it. It's famous.'

'It's the stupidest song I ever heard.'

I shrugged. I couldn't deny it was a stupid song.

We walked in silence for a few minutes, me turning the tune over in my head and humming under my breath, then Jed said, 'You know, you want to watch yourself, Richard.' I didn't know what he meant so I kept quiet, and a couple of seconds later he added, 'You're high.'

'…High?'

'Dope. High.'

'I haven't smoked a joint since last night.'

'Exactly,' he said with emphasis.

'…You're saying I should cut down on smoking dope?'

'I'm saying dope's got nothing to do with it.' A branch was blocking our path and he held it aside until I passed him, then let the branch snap back. 'That's why you should watch yourself.'

I snorted dismissively. The way he was talking reminded me of his obscure references to blame on Ko Pha-Ngan. Sometimes Jed could be wilfully cryptic, and uncharitably I decided it had probably led to his alienated position in the beach life just as much as the awkward circumstances of his arrival. That, in turn, made me think of my own budding alienation.

'Jed,' I said, after a pause. 'Do you think it would be OK if I told people about our run-in with the dope guard? It doesn't involve Zeph and Sammy…' 'Mmm.'

'…See, I'm constantly being coy about what we 're doing up on the island. I sort of feel like this would be a chance for me to…'

'Tell them,' he interrupted. 'No harm. It's probably a good idea.'

'Uh-huh?'

'We don't want it to seem like we're hiding stuff from people.'

'Great,' I said, and started to whistle the first bars of the mouse song before catching myself.

It was pitch-black back at the camp. What colour remained in the sky was entirely blocked out by the canopy ceiling. The only light came from candles through the open door of the longhouse and spatterings of red cigarette and joint butts, glowing in clusters around the clearing.

Although I was looking forward to telling my ex-detail about the sleeping dope guard, my first thought was food so I aimed straight for the kitchen hut. Every day Unhygienix wrapped a couple of portions in banana leaf for me and Jed, and made sure we got some of the choicest bits of fish. It was cold by the time we'd get to it, but I was usually too hungry to mind. That night I noticed Unhygienix had added papaya to the stew, which irritated me slightly as it meant Bugs had succeeded in tracking down my orchard.