Never Eat Alone

Can you walk the talk? It's easy for someone to say, "I care about people. I believe in helping and being helped. I believe that helping people become healthy or make money or raise successful children is paramount in life." Many people say those things—but then you see their actions, you hear about them from their own networks, and you discover they really don't believe any of it. You can be sure your network will broadcast your true colors very quickly and with lasting effects to all its members.

Where do you start? You start with the philosophy, the worldview, that every human is an opportunity to help and be helped. The rest—whether it means helping with someone's health, wealth, children, or any other unsatisfied desires—follows from that.

19. Social Arbitrage

Some people become power brokers through sheer intimidation and force of will; others, generally with far better results, learn to become indispensable to the people around them.

I still remember the advice that made me aware of these two routes to power. Greg Seal pulled me into his office one day not long after I had been hired at Deloitte, sat me down, and said, "Stop driving yourself—and everyone else—crazy thinking about how to make yourself successful. Start thinking about how you're going to make everyone around you successful."

From the moment I had arrived at Deloitte, I was a man on a mission. I wanted to work more hours, meet more partners, be on the biggest projects solving the biggest problems—and I wanted to do it all now, because I was desperate to make a name for myself. In the wake of my ambition, a whole lot of people didn't like me. And at Deloitte, as in all organizations, it isn't easy getting things done when your peers dislike you.

That you'd anger and abuse some people on your way to the top used to be accepted practice. Michael Korda's 1975 book on the secrets to becoming a corporate chieftain, Power! How to Get It, How to Use It, advised that "master players... attempt to cha

How does this work? Think of it as a game. When someone mentions a problem, try to think of solutions. The solutions come from my experience and knowledge, and my tool kit of friends and associates. For example, if I'm in a conversation and the other person mentions they're looking to buy a house in Los Angeles, the first thing I think is "How can my network help?" And there's no time to linger. Mid-conversation, I'll pull out my cell phone and locate someone who can help my companion buy a home. As I'm dialing, I might say something like, "You need to meet this Realtor I know named Betty. No one knows the Los Angeles area better. Here's her phone number, but hold on—" Now Betty is on the line. "Hi, Betty, it's so nice to hear your voice. It has been too long. Listen, I'm standing here with a friend who is in need of your wisdom. I just gave him your number and wanted to tell you personally he'd be calling." The co

This is social arbitrage at work. And the first key is, don't wait to be asked. Just do it.

Let me give you another example, an interaction I had with Hank Bernbaum, the CEO of High Sierra, a small bag manufacturer out of Chicago. Hank had seen a short profile on me and my marketing expertise in the magazine Fast Company. He called me out of the blue and said, "The article on you was excellent."

Already, he had my attention.

"We're a tiny company," he said, "and we're terrible at marketing. We've got the best duffels and bags in America, but no one knows it. Our revenue and market size is a quarter of what it should be. Can you help?"

He added, "By the way, we don't have a lot of money to burn." I usually love taking these calls when time allows, because I'm able to play confidante, counselor, or even concierge, for so many different people. I'm constantly introducing two people from different parts of my life who might benefit from knowing each other. It's a sort of ongoing puzzle, matching up the right people and the right opportunities. Once you, too, start to see the world this way, it opens up exciting opportunities. It's both rewarding and fun. Hank needed some consulting help and his bags needed exposure. I called Peter, a consultant who had worked with me at Starwood Hotels, a terrific marketing guy and someone who loved the outdoors. A perfect fit. Then I called another friend who is head of marketing at Reebok. Their bags never sold as well as their other products, and I thought the two might benefit from sharing insights and experiences. I even "cloned" a meeting I had with a marketing executive at Reebok, and brought Hank along to make face-to-face introductions.

Then I asked Hank if he'd ever had any publicity. He hadn't. I sent a couple of Hank's totes to Alan Webber, the editor of Fast Company. A few months later, the magazine did a piece on High Sierra products after Alan had his writers evaluate a particularly i

Hank was ecstatic. But then I added one more thing: "Hank, the calls I'm making on your behalf, you need to be doing this for yourself. Do you belong to the Executive Club in Chicago?"

"I've been thinking about it," he said. "Why?"

"You've got to stop thinking of yourself and your company as an island. You need to meet people. There are a lot of CEOs and smart people in the Executive Club who could've done what I'm doing for you, only a few years ago. You need to be making these co

Soon after, Hank started networking locally with other executives. Hank's products are superb; what he needed was the network. However, it's not just he and I who have prospered. My former colleague, Peter, the outdoorsy marketer from Starwood, used the experience to build the confidence he needed to ultimately go out on his own. He now has a thriving consulting firm in New York. The CMO at Reebok? He was grateful for an introduction that might help him boost his bag business. What started with one man and a problem, ended with several people and many solutions.

My point? Real power comes from being indispensable. Indispensability comes from being a switchboard, parceling out as much information, contacts, and goodwill to as many people—in as many different worlds—as possible

It's a sort of career karma. How much you give to the people you come into contact with determines how much you'll receive in return. In other words, if you want to make friends and get things done, you have to put yourself out to do things for other people—things that require time, energy, and consideration.

Successfully co

The best sort of co

Most of us know the people within our own professional and social group, and little more. Through other co