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"I have almost photographic recall. Even though I'd died on Earth shortly before I was to be five years old, I vividly remembered my parents and all my other relatives.
"It was very hard on me to keep concealing my identity. But I had to. I did become good friends with them and even pretended to be learning their language. All this while engaged on an authorized project, you understand.
"I dearly loved my foster mother on the Gardenworld. But I loved my own mother even more, though she was not as spiritually developed as my foster mother, far from it.
"During several of my visits, in later years, I made sure that my relatives were introduced to the beliefs of the Church of the Second Chance. They all converted to it, but it wasn't enough. They were a long way from attaining that stage in which I could have hope that they'd advance even further.
"But I believed, and still believe, that if they're given enough time, they will do so."
Burton said gently, "You were just about to land on top of the mountain."
"Yes. But what I've told you about my relatives is highly important. You must also realize that I wasn't just distressed about my own family. I've agonized over all the others, the billions who are doomed. I couldn't even mention this once to my fellows, though. Except Tringu, of .course, and I didn't bring up the subject until I was absolutely sure of him. If I'd said anything about it to the others, I'd have been suspected at once if it became known that there was a renegade."
Though he might be committing suicide, Loga did the one thing that would prevent his vessel from alighting on the designated place. He cut off the power.
"If Monat had thought that anyone'd do that, he'd have arranged it so that it couldn't be done. But he hadn't expected any such action. Why should he? The culprit would know that even if he killed himself, he'd be raised in the tower."
The craft had fallen at once and struck the side of the mountain just below the top. It was going slow, and Loga was in a buffer suit. Moveover, since the vessel was made of the almost indestructible gray metal, it was not even scratched by the impact.
"Even so, I would've been killed during the fall. But I turned on the power when it had hurtled for a hundred feet, and the craft started back up toward the top. I cut the power again, and I turned it on when I'd gone fifty feet. The craft started up again for its original destination. I cut the power once more."
By bone-jarring increments, Loga worked the vessel down to near ground level. Before this, he'd opened a port. When he thought that he was close enough, he leaped out the port, clutching the handle of his grail. He fell through the rain and the thunder and lightning, struck something, and was knocked unconscious. j
When he awoke he was draped belly-down across a branch of an irontree. It was daylight, and he could see his grail a hundred feet below at the base of the tree. Though he was severely scratched and bruised and had some internal injuries and a broken leg, he managed to get to the ground.
"The rest I've told you or you've correctly inferred."
Burton said, "Not all. We don't have the slightest inkling what this terrible thing is which you mentioned. What you were saving for the last."
"Or what Going On really means," Nur said.
"Going On? When the body of a person who's highly advanced ethically dies, the wathan disappears. Our instruments can find no trace of it. If another duplicate body is made, its wathan doesn't return to it."
"What do you do with a wathanless body?"
"Only one experiment was made, and the wathanless was allowed to live out her natural span. That's never been done with human beings. The people who came before Monat's did that.
"The theory is that, though the Creator may appear to be indifferent to Its creatures, It does welcome and take care of the wathans that disappear. What other explanation is there for that?"
"It could be," Frigate said, "that there's something about the extraphysical universe that attracts a wathan when it reaches a certain stage of development. I don't know why this would have anything to do with the extraphysical. But there could be some sort of magnetic pull caused by this, I suppose."
"That theory's been put forth. We prefer to believe that the Creator does it. Though It may do it through purely physical-extraphysical means and not by a supernatural act."
"In effect," Burton said, "you aren't relying on science but on faith to explain the disappearances."
"Yes, but when you get to the basics, infinity and finiteness, eternity and time, the First Cause, you must rely on faith."
"Which has led so many billions astray and caused such immense suffering," Frigate said.
"You can't say that about this situation."
Tai-Peng said, fiercely, "Let's get on with what's happening in this world."
"I recruited the lazari because there was a very slight probability that what has happened might happen. I put all the situations I could think of into the computer and told it to estimate their probability. Unfortunately, the computer ca
"May it always be so," Burton said.
"It is, it is! That is why you can't predict the stage of development of any wathan. One may be rather advanced, yet go no further. Another may be in a low stage and, suddenly, almost overnight as it were, leap to a far higher state than the previously much further advanced. It's a quantum ethical leap. Also, people regress."
"Are you an example of regression?" Burton said.
"No! That's what Siggen accused me of being when we were living in that hut in Parolando. The truth is, I am more highly advanced than anyone else in the project. Isn't it much more ethical to give everyone all the time they might need to develop? Isn't it? Yes, it is! That can't be denied!"
Alice murmured, "He's crazy."
Burton wasn't so sure. What Loga had said seemed reasonable. But his ideas for insuring his plans didn't seem so. Yet, if he continued to send false messages, then the Gardenworlders wouldn't come to investigate. Loga might gain a thousand years. Surely, in that time, anybody would attain the stage desired.
His deep pessimism told him that it might not be so.
What was his own progress?
Or did he want to get to a stage where the essential part of him just disappeared?
Why not? It would be an adventure even greater than this one, the greatest in his life.
"Very well," he said. "I think we understand all that's happened. But you've hinted that you may not be able to carry out your plans even if you have no one to stop you.
"What terrible thing has happened?"
"It's my fault, mine only!" Loga cried. He rose from the chair and, despite his limp, paced back and forth, his face twisted and sweating.
"Because of what I did, billions may be doomed forever! In fact, almost everybody! Perhaps, everybody! Forever!"