Paddy Clarke Ha Ha Ha

–Blood, sweat and tears, I told her.

She laughed again, not as good as the time before.

The first fight had ended. My da won because my ma cried; he made her. It ended; back to normal, but better. The fight was over, no more fights. I made the plates into a pile, all the knives and forks on the top plate, all of them pointing the same way. The fights didn’t end now. There were breaks, long ones sometimes, but I didn’t believe in them any more. They were only gaps. I pushed the plates slowly over to the edge until the slope part of the bottom plate and the ones on top of it were out past the end of the table. I wondered was my brain strong enough to get my arms to push them the rest of the way.

–They should be put in the thicks’ class.

Kevin was right. We hated them. It was September, the first day back, and two of the boys from the Corporation houses got put into our class. Charles Leavy and Seán Whelan were their names. He

–Tell him, I said.

I whispered it.

–What? said Kevin.

–Tell him there’s room in the thicks’ class for them.

–Okay.

Kevin put his hand up. I couldn’t believe it. I’d only been messing; we’d be killed if Kevin said it. I tried to grab Kevin’s arm without making noise.

He

–Sea?[13] said He

He didn’t look up.

Kevin spoke.

–An bhfuil cead agam dul go dtí an leithreas?[14]

–Níl,[15] said He

–Fooled you, Kevin whispered.

We were having He

–Thick.

He was put sitting beside David Geraghty. He nearly tripped over David Geraghty’s crutches. We laughed.

–What’s so fu

Seán Whelan knew that the laughing was against him. His face was hurt but he tried to join in, but he was too late.

–D’you see him, laughing at himself?

Charles Leavy was next. He

–Right.

Two of the boys were sitting by themselves. Liam was one of them. No one had sat beside him when he’d grabbed the seat at the back beside the window, the best desk. He’d looked delighted; he’d expected me or Kevin to charge over to him. He was by himself and so was Fluke Cassidy.

–Right, Mister Leavy. Let’s see what we have for you.

Fluke tried to sneak over to Liam’s desk.

–Stay where you are, Mister Cassidy.

He was going to put Charles Leavy beside Fluke for definite after that.

–Over there, He

We laughed. He

–Quietttt.

It was great. Liam was finished now; Kevin and me wouldn’t even talk to him any more. I was delighted. I didn’t know why. I liked Liam. It seemed important though. If you were going to be best friends with anyone—Kevin—you had to hate a lot of other people, the two of you, together. It made you better friends. And now Liam was sitting beside Charles Leavy. There was just me and Kevin now, no one else.

David Geraghty was the fella with the polio. That was why there’d been no one sitting beside him. You had to help him with his school bag and there was a smell of medicine off him. I’d had to sit beside him one week after I’d done well in a spelling test and David Geraghty had done badly. It had been brilliant. I’d sat right at the edge of the desk, nearly off it, one half of my bum hanging over the ground. Then David Geraghty had started talking. And he never shut up. All day, out of the side of his mouth like the other side was paralysed. You could hardly hear it but it wasn’t a whisper. He

–You can see the hairs in his nose, you can count them. Five in one hole and seven in the other.

Like that all day. When I realised that David Geraghty was never going to get into any trouble and that I wasn’t going to get into trouble because I was sitting beside him I sat into the desk properly and started to enjoy myself.

–He has seventeen hairs on his arse. Divided by three equals five and two over. His wife combs them for him gach maidin.

All day.

He gave me a go on his crutches. My arms wobbled. I couldn’t hold them straight for very long. They weren’t like the metal crutches you got when you broke your leg. They were old fashioned, wood and leather, like the ones the boy on the polio poorbox had; you couldn’t adjust them. David Geraghty’s arms were as strong as legs. I sometimes hoped that I’d be put beside David Geraghty again but I was always glad when I wasn’t.

Seán Whelan wore glasses. They were in a black case that he put at the top of the desk above the hollow for pens and pencils. Whenever He

–Wakey wakey, Mister Clarke!

The class laughed and stopped.

He

Like Charles Leavy.

Charles Leavy wore plastic sandals, blue ones. We laughed at them but we were careful. He brought nothing into school the first day. When He

–Irish books. Leabhair Gaeilge.Page—What page would you say, Mister Grimes?

–One, sir.

–Correct.

–A haon, sir.

–Thank you, Mister Grimes.—Sambo san Afraic.There he is in his canoe.

We laughed quietly; the way he’d said Canoe. The picture under the name of the story was black and red on top of the white of the page, a black boy with no shirt on in a red canoe under black trees, the jungle. I looked across. Liam was sharing his book with Charles Leavy. He was pressing his hand up the middle of the book so it would stay open. Charles Leavy waited till Liam was finished, then leaned forward to read the book. The other way: Seán Whelan had his own book, covered in wallpaper. He didn’t wear his glasses for reading.

13

Yes.

14

Have I permission to go to the toilet?

15

No.