The Ultimate Choice

'I love you,' she said in passionate entreaty. 'If I didn't love you, I wouldn't fight with you. I'd give in to everything you want. But I won't. It's wrong, what you're doing… the way you've let things affect you…'

Her breath was coming in chaotic sobs and Justin's face was only a blur, but the words kept spilling from her lips in a torrent of despairing appeal. 'When you held me in your arms tonight, that was real… wasn't it? You loved me… a little, didn't you? Enough to… to have something good with me, even though I'm not Noni…'

'Don't!' The cry was wrung from him, scraping through the mangle of doubts that had entangled the truth. He lurched forward. His arms wrapped around her and held her tightly to him. 'Don't say that, Kelly. Don't ever say that again,' he implored huskily.

His voice was half muffled as he rubbed his face over the top of her head again and again. 'I did love Noni. I always will. She was everything you said she was and more… much more. But you, my darling girl… you are the life I want more than any other.'

Kelly barely heard the words. He was holding her, holding her as if he never wanted to let her go, and she burrowed her face into his shoulder, flung her arms around his waist, and clung as hard as she could.

He drew in a ragged breath. 'How can I explain it to you?' He sounded as desperate as she felt. His voice floated over her, strained with regret and hope and need. 'With Noni, love was a splendid discovery, a wonderful new dimension of life, and I took it for granted that it would go on forever. It was a shattering blow when she died. So this time… with you…' He gave a shuddering sigh. 'It frightens me… what I feel for you, Kelly. It's so deep, it ravages my soul. I've tried desperately hard to control it. To protect myself. To protect you. It's so terribly strong…the temptation to take you, keep you entirely to myself, hold you safe from anything that might take you away from me. I have to keep fighting it.'

He pulled slightly away to cup her face with infinite tenderness. 'I know I would stifle all your joy in life if I did that. And I love your joy, your courage, your unbounded spirit, Kelly. I love what you are… all that you are… too much to change one part of it.'

'You…love…me?' she whispered, still too torn by her own emotions to give full credit to his.

'With all the depth and breadth of life itself,' he answered, his voice heavy with resignation. 'There's no escaping it for me, Kelly. It's driving me insane. Whatever you do, whatever you want, I can't do anything else but love you. You're part of me now. Perhaps it was always meant to be… a little child that I had to save. I don't know. I think… sometimes… I don't know anything any more… except… I love you.'

'Oh, Justin,' Kelly breathed ecstatically. 'Keep on loving me. Keep on loving me forever.' And she reached up to press the deep fervour of her own love into a kiss that would leave no doubt as to her feelings for him.

He responded, because he could not help but respond, and they kissed and kissed again, hungry for repeated confirmation of their commitment to each other. Time was a meaningless swirl as they recaptured the closeness they had shared all too briefly at Marian Park, and with their uncertainties banished forever, the sense of togetherness was even more magical, more intoxicating, more fulfilling in every way.

'You will risk your life with me, Kelly?' Justin asked, wanting to hear the words.

She laughed in sheer happiness. 'Just try and get away from me, Justin St John. I'd fight you every step of the way.'

He laughed too, a deep rumble of pleasure. 'That I can believe. I shall try not to engage you in battle. You always win anyway.'

'Mmm…' Her eyes wickedly teased him. 'I think I can be seduced. You're a terribly distracting man. You've got no idea how hard it was to concentrate on giving you physiotherapy.'

He gri

'No idea?' he scoffed laughingly. 'I doubt that your concentration was as difficult to maintain as mine. Every time you touched me, I had to block out the urge to make love to you there and then, and to hell with the consequences.'

His hands ran down her body with savouring possessiveness. 'And every time I watched you ride, I wanted to drag you off the horse and kiss you until you were senseless with wanting me and nothing else.'

Kelly sobered as she remembered the torment she had given him. 'I won't go show-jumping again, Justin.'

'Yes, you will,' he retorted determinedly. 'You loved taking those jumps on Rasputin this afternoon. And I won't make a prison of our marriage, Kelly. Your pleasure will be mine. And if ever we get my leg right again, I'll go riding with you. Be damned if I'll let fear dictate our lives. We'll do everything together.'

She smiled her delight up at him. 'Well, I'm certainly going to keep working on that leg… in between the times when you simply must make love to me. But as for the rest, I'm going to be very busy having babies, Justin. I always pla

He raised a slightly sceptical eyebrow. 'You did, did you?'

'Yes. And if I have to fight you for them, I will.'

His eyes sparkled with anticipation. 'I think I can be seduced. I rather fancy a lot of children myself.'

Kelly glowed with her love for him. 'We'll have polo players and show-jumpers and sheep breeders, and…' An idea struck her. 'You know what, Justin? I think Rasputin would make as great a sire as Octavian Augustus the Fourth. If I mate him with Rapunzel…'

Justin laughed, and Kelly thought what a wonderful, free, rippling sound it was. She had not heard him really laugh until tonight. She vowed to make him laugh more often.

He hugged her close. 'I love you more than I'll ever be able to tell you,' he said on a deep sigh of contentment.

She hugged him even tighter. 'I'll remember this moment all the days of my life,' she breathed happily. 'I didn't know what bound me to you, but now I do. It was the promise of what love could be. I'll always love you, Justin.'

And once more they kissed, losing themselves in each other, celebrating the joy of becoming one in mind and heart and spirit.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

They were married a month later.

Despite Justin's misgivings, Kelly blithely withdrew from pursuing her chances as a competitor in the World Cup. She was far too busy to want to go show-jumping. There were preparations for the wedding, a honeymoon to be pla

The St John family was delighted that Justin had finally found a woman he wanted to marry, and if any one of them held some reservation about the age difference between the prospective bride and groom, a few minutes' observation of their radiant delight in each other was enough to dispel any doubt about the wisdom of their marriage.

The wedding was held on the terraced lawns at Marian Park. The magnificent gardens were in summer bloom. The day scintillated with sunshine and benevolence from all who gathered to witness the nuptial celebrations. Justin's guests were mightily complemented by every man, woman and child who had any claim to belonging to the Crooked Creek community. It was the most festive occasion that anyone in the district could remember.

Judge Moffat performed the ceremony.

He had rehearsed every line of the marriage service with his wife, perfecting the proper resonance of every phrase, sharpening every nuance of the words to give each its full measure of meaning and importance. Everyone from Crooked Creek thought he gave a grand rendition of the traditional lines that joined Kelly Hanrahan and Justin St John as man and wife in the eyes of God and all His creation.