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“For the love of God, Hammond, tell her,” Agnes snarled.
“She killed her ex-fiancé with a meat fork,” Hammond told the blonde.
“She did not,” Maria said, turning on him.
“Allegedly,” Hammond said hastily. “She allegedly was found standing over her ex-fiancé with an alleged meat fork.”
“I didn’t have the meat fork,” Agnes said tiredly. “He did.”
“Right,” Hammond said. “The fork was in him. She wasn’t touching it. Still, you know, he was holding on to you. That’s pretty bad.”
“Just like the rest of my day,” Agnes said to the ceiling.
“A meat fork,” the blonde said with newfound respect in her voice. “Nice touch, Betty.”
“And right after you found Shane with a stripper, too,” Maria said, her face crumpling again.
“A girl’s gotta earn a living,” the blonde said, sounding defensive.
“And she’d just been doing Palmer ten minutes earlier,” Maria wailed.
“I don’t think so,” Agnes said tiredly, still staring at the ceiling. “That just does not sound like Palmer.”
“He was wearing the flamingo hat!” Maria said.
“That also does not sound like Palmer.” Agnes took a deep breath, mostly to keep from screaming. “Nothing’s been what it seems so far. Why should tonight be any different?”
“Those rich guys,” Hammond said.
“You stay out of this,” Agnes said, rolling so she could look down to see him. “You just stay out of this. Somebody just died horribly out there, do not use this as an opportunity to make time, damn it.”
Hammond put his arm around Maria. “It’ll be different with me,” he told her.
Maria nodded with a sniffle.
“Listen to me, young lady,” Agnes said, sitting up. “What are you trying to do? Ruin your life? Fine, go ahead. Throw your life away in a big dramatic gesture even though you love Palmer and he’s the one you should be with. What the hell.”
“You want me to forgive him for cheating on me?” Maria said, grabbing on to the bars so she could glare through them. “That’s why you stabbed Taylor!”
“I didn’t kill Taylor,” Agnes said, glaring back. “Although it worries me that you think I did.”
“Of course I don’t,” Maria said, outraged. “I meant the first time.”
“There was a first time?” Hammond said.
“No,” Agnes and Maria said together.
“And anyway, I don’t see you forgiving Shane,” Maria said, changing the subject. “I don’t see you saying, ‘Hey, you boinking the stripper, not a problem, I still love you.’“
“I don’t love him,” Agnes said. “I just met him. And I don’t have to forgive him. He didn’t boink her.”
“You are so naive,” Maria said.
Hammond tugged on her arm. “We have to go. You shouldn’t even be back here.”
“Maria,” Agnes said.
“We’ll get you a lawyer,” Maria said as Hammond pulled her through the door.
“Won’t do you no good,” the blonde said, and then it was quiet, which gave Agnes plenty of time to think.
Not that there was much to think about.
Like, who killed Taylor? Well, he’d been willing to leave Brenda to come back to her and Brenda had almost certainly overheard that, and he’d flouted her to cater the rehearsal di
Brenda. That was it. Nobody else would want to kill poor old Taylor. And nobody else would know that Agnes had stabbed him in the throat with a meat fork. And nobody else would be so viciously cruel as to tell Maria a story that would drive her out to the barn knowing Agnes would go with her, and then arrange for Taylor to be there at the same time, and stab him when Agnes was there, and leave him to die slowly in the woods for Agnes to find him…
Brenda. Hell, she’d already killed Frankie and Four Wheels; Taylor was just filling out her dance card. Of course it was Brenda. She’d stolen her own daughter’s life savings.
Well, that filled up a minute. Now what was she going to think about?
Well, there was Shane, having sex with a stripper. Of course he was a guy, and guys did tend to like strippers, but he also knew she was waiting for him back at the house, and Shane just did not strike her as the kind of guy who’d do that. Which was odd because ordinarily she was paranoid about that kind of thing and could work up a really good outrage, but Shane boinking a stripper a hundred yards from where she was waiting after he’d promised to come home to her?
Nah. Whatever he was doing, it wasn’t sex. Something energetic and violent, and she really didn’t want to think about where the stripper was now and what she’d done to deserve it. Maybe Taylor was hooking up with her in the afterlife. That was some comfort.
That killed another minute.
Which left her with the rest of her life.
Two Rivers was gone unless she could convince Maria that Palmer was not likely to put on a flamingo hat and screw a stripper. That was so self-evident that she was still having trouble understanding why Maria couldn’t see it-
“Why a meat fork?” the blonde said.
“Huh?” Agnes said.
“Why’d you do it with a meat fork?”
“I didn’t,” Agnes said. “As God is my witness, I did not kill him.”
“Okay, okay. What did you stab him with the first time?” Agnes sighed. “A meat fork.”
“Why a meat fork?”
“It was the first thing I grabbed. We’d had tenderloin and I’d just washed it and it was on the counter.”
“So it was just a coincidence that it was a meat fork this time, too?”
“No, somebody’s trying to frame me.”
“A lot of people knew about the first time, huh?”
“No,” Agnes said, and then stopped. “No, we kept that quiet. She must be pla
“She who?”
“The woman who really did it.”
“Well, at least she killed him and not you.”
“She’s trying to kill me,” Agnes said. “It’s just not working out for her.” Which might be what was pushing her over the edge. If she was furious at Agnes for taking LL from her, if she was rabidly determined to get Two Rivers back, if she was so insane that she’d killed Taylor because he was leaving her for Agnes…
Oh, hell, Agnes thought. She’s completely psycho and she thinks all her problems are my fault. Just in time for the wedding.
“Well, you’re safe in here for the weekend,” the blonde said.
Agnes sighed again. “No, I’m not. My guy will be coming to get me pretty soon.”
“The one who fucked the stripper? Nah. I’m telling you, he can’t get bail.”
“He didn’t fuck the stripper.” Agnes rolled over on her side. “And he won’t bother with bail.”
“What’s he going to do? Break you out?”
Agnes shrugged. “Whatever it takes. I have to put on a wedding tomorrow, or I lose my house, and he won’t let that happen.”
“The wedding for Barbie there? I don’t think she’s go
“My guy’ll bring her back if she does.”
The blonde craned her neck up to see Agnes. “So this guy who fucked the stripper, he’s going to break you out of jail and help with the runaway bride so you won’t lose your house. What is he, Robin Hood?”
“No, he’s a hitman.”
“Uh-huh. You’re crazy.”
“No,” Agnes said. “But I did have a court-appointed psychiatrist once.”
Then she rolled over and made a mental To Do List for when Shane came to get her.
“Agnes didn’t kill Taylor,” Shane said as he and Xavier headed up the path back to the house. He saw the crime scene tape off to the side of the trail and the deputies tripping over each other trying to investigate it.
“I wouldn’t think so,” Xavier said, “except Hammond found her standing over Taylor with her meat fork through his throat and him holding on to her apron as he departed this mortal coil. I’m not looking at suicide here, by the way. And she does have that anger problem. Which is why I feel it’s best that she stay in custody for tonight.”