Mockingjay

After I take a shower, and Joha

I think how there’s nothing in Joha

Joha

«Yeah,» I say. «Made it through somehow.» I don’t want to talk about Peeta. One of the best things about training is, it keeps me from thinking of him.

«Haymitch says he’s getting better,» she says.

«Maybe. But he’s changed,» I say.

«So have you. So have I. And Fi

«No,» I answer.

«That’s the one thing I think my head doctor might be right about. There’s no going back. So we might as well get on with things.» She neatly returns my keepsakes to the drawer and climbs into the bed across from me just as the lights go out. «You’re not afraid I’ll kill you tonight?»

«Like I couldn’t take you,» I answer. Then we laugh, since both our bodies are so wrecked, it will be a miracle if we can get up the next day. But we do. Each morning, we do. And by the end of the week, my ribs feel almost like new, and Joha

Soldier York gives the pair of us an approving nod as we knock off for the day. «Fine job, Soldiers.»

When we move out of hearing, Joha

In fact, we’re almost in good spirits when we go to the dining hall, where Gale’s waiting to eat with me. Receiving a giant serving of beef stew doesn’t hurt my mood either. «First shipments of food arrived this morning,» Greasy Sae tells me. «That’s real beef, from District Ten. Not any of your wild dog.»

«Don’t remember you turning it down,» Gale tosses back.

We join a group that includes Delly, A

Delly, who I’ve known since I was little but never gave much thought to, has grown in my estimation. She was told what Peeta said to me that night after the wedding, but she’s not a gossip. Haymitch says she’s the best defender I have when Peeta goes off on some kind of tear about me. Always taking my side, blaming his negative perceptions on the Capitol’s torture. She has more influence on him than any of the others do, because he really does know her. Anyway, even if she’s sugarcoating my good points, I appreciate it. Frankly, I could use a little sugarcoating.

I’m starving and the stew is so delicious—beef, potatoes, turnips, and onions in a thick gravy—that I have to force myself to slow down. All around the dining hall, you can feel the rejuvenating effect that a good meal can bring on. The way it can make people kinder, fu

«Peeta!» says Delly. «It’s so nice to see you out…and about.»

Two large guards stand behind him. He holds his tray awkwardly, balanced on his fingertips since his wrists are shackled with a short chain between them.

«What’s with the fancy bracelets?» asks Joha

«I’m not quite trustworthy yet,» says Peeta. «I can’t even sit here without your permission.» He indicates the guards with his head.

«Sure he can sit here. We’re old friends,» says Joha

A

«What? My head doctor says I’m not supposed to censor my thoughts. It’s part of my therapy,» replies Joha

The life has gone out of our little party. Fi

«A

A

«My pleasure, A

«If we’re going to fit in that walk, we better go,» Fi

«You be nice to her, Fi

«Oh, Peeta,» says Fi

When they’re gone, Delly says in a reproachful voice, «He did save your life, Peeta. More than once.»

«For her.» He gives me a brief nod. «For the rebellion. Not for me. I don’t owe him anything.»

I shouldn’t rise to the bait, but I do. «Maybe not. But Mags is dead and you’re still here. That should count for something.»

«Yeah, a lot of things should count for something that don’t seem to, Katniss. I’ve got some memories I can’t make sense of, and I don’t think the Capitol touched them. A lot of nights on the train, for instance,» he says.

Again the implications. That more happened on the train than did. That what did happen—those nights I only kept my sanity because his arms were around me—no longer matters. Everything a lie, everything a way of misusing him.

Peeta makes a little gesture with his spoon, co

«Still dragging,» says Joha

Spasms cause Peeta’s hands to tighten into fists, then splay out in a bizarre fashion. Is it all he can do to keep them from my neck? I can feel the tension in Gale’s muscles next to me, fear an altercation. But Gale simply says, «I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it myself.»

«What’s that?» asks Peeta.