Queen of Babble

“See?” she cries. “I told you! It really is her!”

Marnie waves some more. I wave back while Andrew wrestles my suitcase into the small trunk, swearing a bit. Since he’s been wheeling it along the whole time, he had no idea how heavy it is until he bent to lift it.

But really, a month is a long time. I don’t see how I could have packed less than ten pairs of shoes. Shari even said she was proud of me for being sensible enough not to bring my lace-up platform espadrilles. Although I did manage to squeeze them in at the last minute before I left.

“Why is that child calling you Je

“Oh,” I say, feeling myself begin to blush. “We sat next to each other on the plane. It’s just a little game we were playing, to pass time on the flight.”

“How kind of you,” Mr. Marshall says, waving even more energetically now. “Not all young people realize how important it is to treat children with respect and dignity instead of condescension. It’s so important to set a good example for the younger generation, especially when one considers how unstable many of today’s family units really are.”

“That’s so true,” I say in what I hope sounds like a respectful and dignified ma

“Christ,” Andrew says. He’s just tried to pick up my carry-on bag from where I’ve set it on the ground. “What have you got in here, Liz? A dead body?”

“Oh,” I say, my respectful and dignified demeanor threatening to crumble, “just a few necessities.”

“I’m sorry my chariot isn’t more stylish,” Mr. Marshall says, opening the driver’s door to his car. “It’s certainly not what you’re used to, I’m sure, back in America. But I hardly use it, since I walk to the school where I teach most days.”

I am instantly charmed by the vision of Mr. Marshall strolling down a tree-lined country lane in a herringbone jacket with leather elbow patches-rather than the extremely uninspired windbreaker he is currently wearing-and perhaps a cocker spaniel or two nipping at his heels.

“Oh, it’s fine,” I say about his car. “Mine isn’t much bigger.”

I wonder why he’s just standing there by the door, instead of getting in, until he goes, “After you, er, Liz.”

He wants me to drive? But…I just got here! I don’t even know my way around!

Then I realize he isn’t holding open the driver’s door at all…it’s the passenger side. The steering wheel is on the right side of the car.

Of course! We’re in England!

I laugh at my own mistake and sit down in the front seat.

Andrew slams down the trunk and comes around to see me sitting in the passenger seat. He looks at his dad and says, “What, I’m supposed to sit in the boot, then?”

“Mind your ma

Although truthfully, in that jacket, he looks a bit more like an Andy than an Andrew.

“Ladies in the front seat,” Mr. Marshall goes on with a smile at me. “And gentlemen in the back.”

“Liz, I thought you were a feminist,” Andrew says (only it comes out sounding like, Liz, I fought you were a feminist). “Are you going to stand for this kind of treatment?”

“Oh,” I say. “Of course. Andrew should sit in front, he’s got longer legs-”

“I won’t hear of it,” Mr. Marshall says. “You’ll muss your pretty Chinese dress, climbing about.” Then he shuts my car door, firmly, for me.

Next thing I know, he’s come around the right side and is holding the driver’s-side seat back for Andrew to crawl behind. There’s a brief argument I can’t really hear, and then Andrew appears. I don’t really know any other word I can use to describe the expression on Andrew’s face except peevish.

But I feel bad for even thinking Andrew might be feeling peevish about me getting to sit in the front seat. Most likely he’s just embarrassed about not having his own car to pick me up in. Yes, that’s probably it. Poor thing. He probably thinks I’m holding him to American standards of capitalist materialism! I’ll have to find some way to assure him that I find his poverty extremely sexy, seeing as how all the sacrifices he’s making, he’s making for the children.

Not Andrew Jr., Henry, Stella, and Beatrice, of course. I mean the children of the world, the ones he’ll be teaching someday.

Wow. Just thinking about all the little lives Andrew’s going to improve with his sacrifices in the teaching profession is making me kind of horny.

Mr. Marshall climbs into the driver’s seat and smiles at me. “Ready?” he asks cheerfully.

“Ready,” I say, and I’m filled with a spurt of excitement despite my jet lag. England! I’m in England at last! I’m about to be driven along the English countryside, into London! Maybe I’ll even see some sheep!

Before we’re able to pull out, however, an SUV drives up behind us, and a back window powers down. Marnie, my little friend from the plane, leans out the window to yell, “Good-bye, Je

I roll down my own window and wave. “Bye, Marnie!”

Then the SUV pulls away, Marnie beaming happily in the back.

“Who in heaven,” Mr. Marshall asks as he backs out, “is this Je

“Just some American film star,” Andrew says before I can say anything.

Just some American film star? Just some American film star who happens to look exactly like your girlfriend! I want to shriek. Enough so that little girls on airplanes want her autograph!

But I manage to keep my mouth shut for once, because I don’t want Andrew to feel inadequate, knowing he’s dating a Je

In contrast to Egyptian costume, in which there was a distinct division in style between the sexes, the Greek costume during this same period did not vary between men and women. Large rectangles of cloth of different sizes were draped across the body and fastened only with a decorative brooch.

This garment, which is called a toga, went on to become a favorite costume of college fraternity parties, for reasons this author ca

History of Fashion

SENIOR THESIS BY ELIZABETH NICHOLS

4

Men have always detested women’s gossip because they suspect the truth: their measurements are being taken and compared.

– Erica Jong (1942-), U.S. educator and author

Idon’t see any sheep. It turns out Heathrow airport isn’t exactly that far out in the country. As if I can’t tell I’m not in Michigan anymore from the way the houses look (many of them are attached, like in that movie The Snapper…which, come to think of it, was actually set in Ireland, but oh well), I definitely know it from billboards that flash by us. I can’t tell, in many cases, what the product is that they’re trying to sell-one of them shows a woman in her underwear with the word Vodafone beneath her, which could be an ad for a phone-sex service.

But it could just as easily be an ad for panties.

But when I ask, neither Andrew nor his father is able to tell me which it is, since the word panties causes them to dissolve into peals of laughter.

I don’t mind that they find me so (unintentionally) hilarious, though, since it means Andrew’s mind has been taken off being in the backseat.

When we finally turn onto the street I recognize as Andrew’s from the care packages I’ve been sending him all summer-boxes filled with his favorite American candy, Necco wafers, and Marlboro Lights, his preferred brand of cigarettes (though I don’t smoke myself, and assume Andrew will quit well before the first baby is born)-I’m feeling much better about things than I had been back in the parking garage. That’s because the sun has finally put in an appearance, peeking shyly out from behind the clouds, and because Andrew’s street looks so nice and Europeany, with its clean sidewalks, flowering trees, and old-fashioned town houses. It’s like something out of that movie Notting Hill.