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J
___________________________________________
To: Jane Harris >
Fr: Holly Caputo
Re: What is up with this?
Mark swears it’s true. He says Cal has always been supremely self-confident because of the enormity of his you know what. Well, at least up until that model broke his heart and all.
Holly
___________________________________________
To: Holly Caputo
Fr: Jane Harris >
Re: What is up with this?
You are making that up. About his you know what, I mean.
J
___________________________________________
To: Jane Harris >
Fr: Holly Caputo
Re: What is up with this?
Um. Have YOU seen him sit with his legs crossed?
Holly
___________________________________________
To: Holly Caputo
Fr: Jane Harris >
Re: What is up with this?
That doesn’t mean—Oh, my God, you ARE serious.
J
___________________________________________
To: Jane Harris >
Fr: Holly Caputo
Re: What is up with this?
Apparently, despite his ex-wife’s desertion on what was to be their first wedding a
Does THAT make you think a little more fondly of him?
Holly
___________________________________________
To: Holly Caputo
Fr: Jane Harris >
Re: What is up with this?
NO!!! Size doesn’t matter, and you know it.
Well, not that much.
She really left him on their first a
J
___________________________________________
To: Jane Harris >
Fr: Holly Caputo
Re: What is up with this?
He came home from work, preparing to change clothes and take her out for an evening of celebration, and found a note. She’d had movers in while he was at the office. They took everything. Except the cat.
Holly
___________________________________________
To: Holly Caputo
Fr: Jane Harris >
Re: What is up with this?
They had a CAT????
J
___________________________________________
To: Jane Harris >
Fr: Holly Caputo
Re: What is up with this?
It was her cat. She left it with Cal because her new boyfriend was allergic. Cal took care of it for almost a year, hoping Valerie would change her mind and come back. But she didn’t. So Cal got himself assigned to Iraq.
Holly
___________________________________________
To: Holly Caputo
Fr: Jane Harris >
Re: What is up with this?
What happened to the CAT?????
J
___________________________________________
To: Jane Harris >
Fr: Holly Caputo
Re: What is up with this?
Oh. The cat died right before he decided to leave. Of cancer. Mark says he isn’t sure which left Cal more brokenhearted—his wife leaving him, or the cat dying.
Holly
___________________________________________
To: Holly Caputo
Fr: Jane Harris >
Re: What is up with this?
You are such a liar. You made that whole thing up about the cat dying. What really happened to it?
J
___________________________________________
To: Jane Harris >
Fr: Holly Caputo
Re: What is up with this?
He gave it to Tim Grabowski in IT.
Still. The cat COULD be dead now, for all I know. Poor, poor Cal.
Holly
___________________________________________
To: Holly Caputo
Fr: Jane Harris >
Re: What is up with this?
You are so pathetic.
And I wouldn’t feel too sorry for Cal Langdon if I were you. He’s doing just fine for himself.
Promise you won’t let Mark drive through the mountains. He will plunge us to our deaths.
J
___________________________________________
To: Jane Harris >
Fr: Holly Caputo
Re: What is up with this?
Um. Yeah. Maybe I’ll drive after lunch. Or we can get Cal “Large Appendage” Langdon to do it.
Holly
___________________________________________
To: Holly Caputo
Fr: Jane Harris >
Re: What is up with this?
SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You trust him to drive????
J
___________________________________________
To: Jane Harris >
Fr: Holly Caputo
Re: What is up with this?
Yes, of course! Unlike some people, he’s actually used to driving in a foreign country.
What is your problem with him, anyway? He was perfectly nice during di
Holly
___________________________________________
To: Holly Caputo
Fr: Jane Harris >
Re: What is up with this?
Nothing. Stop e-ing me, they totally know we’re talking about them.
Thank God they don’t know WHAT we’re talking about, though.
Ew.
J
___________________________________________
To: Mark Levine
Fr: Ruth Levine
Re: Hello!
Is that any way to speak to your mother, I would like to know? I KNOW you think you’re in love with Holly.
And I will admit she is a very nice girl.
But I don’t think she’s the RIGHT girl for you, Mark. You two come from two different worlds. Don’t get me wrong, I completely appreciate the Italian heritage. They brought so many important things to the world, such as pasta and that nice Mario Batali from the Food Cha
But what kind of future do you and Holly have together? What religion would you raise your children? Are you going to have a Christmas tree? You know the Di Marcos down the street have an entire holy manger scene in their front yard every year, made from cut-out pieces of plywood. Is that what you want, Mark? The baby Jesus in your front yard? Are you trying to kill me?