Rogue Moon

Claire rolled half over and stretched up an arm to take the glass Co

Co

The sunlight slanted in from behind Co

Co

Claire sipped at hers. Co

Light dashed itself into Hawks’ face and filled his eyesockets as the sun’s disk slid an edge down into sight under the eaves of the roof. He dropped his lids until his eyes were looking out through the narrow mask of his lashes.

Keeping his hold on Claire’s wrists, Co

Co

At ten minutes of eight, a radio began to play loud jazz upstairs. Ten minutes later, the electric blat of the radio’s alarm roiled the music, and a moment after that there was a brittle crash, and then only the occasional sound of Barker stumbling about and getting dressed.

Hawks went over to the bar, washed out his empty glass, and put it back in its rack. He looked around. There was night outside the windows, and the only illumination came from the balcony at the end of the room, where the stairs led down from the second floor. Hawks reached out and turned on a standing lamp. His shadow flung itself against the wall.

6

Barker came down carying a half-filled squareface bottle. He saw Hawks, grunted, hefted the bottle and said, “I hate the stuff. It tastes lousy, it makes me gag, it stinks, and it burns my mouth. But they keep putting it in your hands, and they keep saying ‘Drink up!’ to each other, and ‘What’s the matter, Charlie, falling a little behind, there? Freshen up that little drinkee for you?’ Until you feel like a queer of some kind, and a bore for the times you say you don’t want another one, positively. And they fill their folklore with it, until you wouldn’t dream you were having a good time unless you’d swilled enough of the stuff to poison yourself all the next day. And they talk gentleman talk about it — ages and flavors and brands and blends as if it wasn’t all ethanol in one concentration or another. Have you ever heard two Martini drinkers in a bar, Hawks? Have you ever heard two shamans swapping magic?” He dropped into an easy chair and laughed. “Neither have I. I synthesize my heritage. I look at two drunks in a saloon, and I extrapolate toward dignity. I suppose that’s sacrilege.”

He put a cigarette into his mouth, lit the end, and said through the smoke, “But it’s the best I can do, Hawks. My father’s dead, and I once thought there was something good in shucking off my other kin. I wish I could remember what that was. I have a place in me that needs the pain.”

Hawks went back to the settee and sat down. He put his hands on his knees and watched Barker.

“And talk,” Barker said. “You’re not fit company for them if you don’t say ‘Eyther’ and ‘nyther’ and ‘tomahto.’ If you’ve got a Dad, you’re out. They only permit gentlemen with fathers into their society. And, yeah, I know they licked me on that. I wanted to belong — oh, God, Hawks, how much I wanted to belong — and I learned all the passwords. What did it get me? Claire’s right, you know — what did it get me? Don’t look at me like that. I know what Claire is. You know I know it. I told you the first minute I met you. But did you ever stop to think it’s all worth it to me? Every time she makes a pass at another man, I know she’s comparing. She’s out on the open market, shopping. And being shopped for. I don’t have any collar around her neck. She’s not tame. I’m not a habit to her. I’m nOt something she’s tied to by any law. And every time she winds up coming back to me, you know what that proves? It proves I’m still the toughest man in the pack. Because she wouldn’t stay if I wasn’t. Don’t kid yourself — I don’t know what you think about you and her, but don’t kid yourself.”

Hawks looked at Barker curiously, but Barker was no longer watching him.

“If she could see me, Hawks — if she could see me in that place!” Barker’s face was aglow. “She wouldn’t be playing footsie with you and Co

“Easy, Barker!”

“Yeah. Easy. Slack off. Back away. It bites.” Barker coughed out bitterly, “What’re you doing here, anyway, Hawks? Why aren’t you marching down that road again with your ass stiff and your nose in the air? You think it’s going to do you any good, you sitting around here? What’re you waiting for? For me to tell you sure, a little sleep and a little gin and I’m fine, just fine, Doctor, and what time do you want me back tomorrow? Or do you want me to crack wide open, so you can really move in on Claire? What’ve you been doing while I was asleep? Playing stickyfingers with her? Or did Co

“I’ve been thinking,” Hawks said.

“What about?”

“What you wanted me here for. Why you came straight to me and asked me to come. I was wondering whether you hoped I could make you go back again.”

Barker raised the bottle to his mouth and peered at Hawks over it as he drank. When he lowered it, he said, “What’s it like, being you? Everything that happens has to be twisted around to suit you. Nothing is ever the way it looks, to you.”

“That’s true of everyone. No one sees the world that others see. What do you want me to do: be made of brass? Hollow, and more enduring than flesh? Is that what you want a man to be?” Hawks leaned forward, tight creases slashing down across his hollow cheeks. “Something that will still be the same when all the stars have burned out and the universe has gone cold? That will still be here when everything that ever lived is dead? Is that your idea of a respectable man?”