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"Well, I know this damn car ain't Bumblebee." For one thing, he'd been driving it for over nine years. If it was an Autobot in disguise, surely it would have transformed before now.
No, this was like one of those Twilight Zone episodes they showed on the SciFi Cha
Maybe his voices had possessed his car. Yeah, right.
By the time he reached his house, he was really starting to freak himself out with psycho fears that the devil was after him or that aliens were about to pull him on board for an anal probe. His heart racing, he parked the car in the driveway and got out. Before he reached his door, the neighbor's dog came ru
"Just wait. It gets stranger." Eyes wide, Zeke turned toward the deep, scary voice behind him to find what had to be a man who was so beautiful he would have made a hot woman. Tall, thin and blond, he had eyes so blue they could only be called celestial. "Who the hell are you?"
"Wrong direction, actually. But my name is Gabriel."
Zeke tightened his grip on the doorknob, ready to bolt outside again. "And you would be in my house to ..." Rob me blind and kill me, was the thought in his head.
"Explain the weirdness that surrounds you."
Call the cops, Zeke. Now.
That would only be a waste of your time.
He gasped at the sound of Gabriel's voice in his head.
"You have been chosen," Gabriel said in that same spooky voice he'd been hearing.
"For what?"
"To be an avenger."
Zeke tried to open the door, but before he could, it vanished. Anger and fear mixed inside him. "Yo, Hotel California, I want my door back."
"And so it'll return once we have this settled."
"Settled, my ass. I'm not Emma Peel and I'd look like shit in a black catsuit. Find her for your avenger. Now let me go."
Gabriel tsked at him. "You can't fight your destiny, Ezekiel. Besides, you asked for this. We couldn't have fulfilled Michael's choice had you been unwilling."
Zeke swallowed as he turned around slowly to face Gabriel. "How did I choose this?"
"You asked for your life to change. You wanted to be special. To make a difference. Michael heard and so he chose you to be his replacement."
"Michael's dead."
Gabriel shook his head. "After all these centuries of fighting, he's retired. You're the new seraph who will take on his duties."
Yeah, the dude was on crack. "What duties?"
"To maintain the natural order of the universe. Good versus evil. We allow evil a certain latitude to fulfill its part, but whenever the demons take their duties too far, we are the ones who rein them in."
"Bullshit!"
Zeke ran for his bedroom. He slammed the door shut and locked it, then froze as he caught sight of himself in the mirrored door of his closet.
His short black hair was now snow white and long. His clothes were gone, replaced by a black shirt and pants and a long, full, black leather coat. Three spikes stood out on each shoulder and a red chain was wrapped around his left arm.
On his right hip was the cross hilt of a sword that looked like an ancient cross. As he watched the hilt in the mirror, the center opened to reveal two pale blue eyes and a small mouth.
"You can call me Jack."
Zeke screamed, ripping the hilt off and throwing it to the ground. He turned to run to the window only to find Gabriel there.
"I see you met Jack. Don't worry. Most people scream like girls when he does that."
"This is a whacked-out dream. I'm going to wake ..." He trailed off as "Jack" mutated from a cross hilt into a large metallic man.
"All seraph have a minion and a guardian. I'm yours."
Zeke's head whirled at what was happening.
"Breathe deep before you hyperventilate," Jack said.
"What are you?"
"I told you. I'm your guardian and your minion. Anything you need that's metal, from transportation to weaponry, I can be. When you need a hand fighting, I look like this." He indicated his armored human form, then pounded his hand against his breast. "The best armor in the world. Nothing, except a handful of demonic weapons, can mar me."
Gabriel clapped him on the back. "Welcome to the fold, Ezekiel."
Suddenly something warm swept through Zeke. It felt as if his very blood was on fire. His breathing ragged, he turned back toward the closet. His eyes were a vibrant red and his face was every bit as perfect and ethereal as Gabriel's.
Zeke lifted his armored arm to make sure it was him.
It was.
"What about my job?"
Gabriel looked a bit sheepish. "There's no payment for being a seraph. Sorry. But you will have a whole new set of skills. Just wait."
That sounded ominous.
"And there's one more thing."
Of course there was. "And that is?"
"Michael notwithstanding, the average life expectancy for a seraph is ... two years."
Zeke laughed nervously. "Oh no, I definitely decline. You can take this crap and stick it."
Gabriel reached behind his ear and pulled out the coin Zeke had taken from his uncle's house. "The minute you willingly took the medallion, you sealed your fate. You have been chosen, my brother. The only way out now is death."
"You're shitting me."
Jack clapped him on the back. "But on the upside, your seraph form will never age. And the only way to die is by a demon blade. As long you survive fighting them, you're immortal to the things that would kill a normal human. Think of the money you'll save on medical bills."
That was so not an upside.
Gabriel gave him a gimlet stare. "And there's one more thing."
"Neutering?" That would be Zeke's luck.
Gabriel gri
"Oh yeah, baby." He reached for her, only to have her grab his wrist and flip him onto the ground, where he landed with a painful oof.
She wrenched his arm and put one perfectly spiked heel on the center of his chest. "Keep your hands to yourself or lose them." She pressed the heel in, making him grimace. "And don't call me 'baby.' "Then she released him and moved away.
Gabriel's eyes danced with humor. "Rave
"But—"
"There are no buts," Jack said, laughing. "You, my friend, have been chosen."
Rave
Yeah, and in this one wish, Zeke had definitely been screwed.