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New York State is completely different.
North Carolina and Dakota
These two dynamic states are usually grouped together because they both begin with “North.” The major products of North Carolina are tobacco and enormous amounts of phlegm. North Carolina also contains the famous “Lost Colony”, ask anyone for directions. North Dakota offers a fascinating array of wheat; the least-crowded time to visit is February.
Ohio
Ohio proudly calls itself “The Buckeye State,” after the buckeye, a dynamic, hairless carnivorous nocturnal rodent that traps its prey by pretending to offer really good discounts on jewelry. The largest city in Ohio is Cleveland, which, after years of being the butt of many jokes, has risen to assume its rightful role among major American urban areas as the Future Home of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. We personally visited this attraction, which consisted of an office containing numerous press releases and a model of what the Hall of Fame would look like if it ever got built. The model is about the size of a harmonica. We think it would be a shrewd move on Cleveland’s part to keep it on this scale, rather than building a full-size Hall of Fame, which would probably attract a lot of rowdy people going “WHOOO!” and throwing up on each other. Also, unlike a large building, the model can easily be placed in a briefcase and carried around the country for special events, parties, etc. (“Hey! Somebody sat on the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame!”).
Other major Ohio cities include Akron (“The Rubber Capital of the World”) and nearby Canton (“The Spermicidal Lubricant Capital of the World”). Ohio’s Official State Literary Device is the metaphor.
Oklahoma
The frontier spirit of this dynamic state is best summed up by the Official State Song, from the Rodgers and Hammerstein musical Oklahoma, which begins:
Oooo-klahoma If I can MAKE it there, I’ll make it Any where!
This feeling dates back to the famous Oklahoma land rush of the 1880’s, when the government opened Oklahoma for settlement and many would-be settlers came in “sooner” than they were supposed to, thereby earning Oklahoma its proud nickname, “The Nutmeg State.” Modern Oklahoma boasts both plant and animal life as well as the National Softball Hall of Fame, where every day from nine A.M. until six P.M. visitors may get into bitter, sometimes violent arguments over basically nothing. Oklahoma’s Official State Mystery Food
Additive is Sodium Erythorbate.
Oregon
Oregon is called “The Beaver State,” although the University of Oregon team nickname is the “Ducks,” which led to the following actual headline in the Seattle Times when an Oregon women’s team lost to a team from the University of Washington (the “Huskies”):
HUSKY WOMEN SUBDUE DUCKS
The major industry in Oregon is trying to locate a tree that does not have an ecologist wrapped around it and then cutting it down and selling it to Japan to be converted into price stickers and pasted onto car windows for sale in the United States. interesting Oregon sights include salmon, which every year return from the Pacific Ocean tO swim up rivers, battling fierce currents, waterfalls, and hungry predators, until finally the survivors reach their spawning area, where, driven by an eons-old instinct, they realize that they forgot to bring the eggs.
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Rhode Island
Although it is the smallest state in the union, Rhode Island is nevertheless one of the least interesting.
Ha ha! We are just joshing, of course. This dynamic state is a vacation paradise, boasting a population, an average a
South Carolina and Dakota
Living up to their proud nickname, “The States Whose Names Begin With ‘South’,” these two states offer an endless variety of dynamic places to visit, the most popular one being the Parris Island Marine Corps Recruit Depot, where visitors are welcome to lie face-down in the mud for six weeks while being yelled at by men with no foreheads. A major historic site is Fort Sumter, where in 1861 Confederate troops fired the fateful shots that struck Mount Rushmore, causing the formation of giant rock formations shaped like George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Theodore Roosevelt, and Roger Maris. Also do NOT miss the spectacular Corn Palace in Mitchell, South Dakota, which is redecorated each fall with giant murals made from corn, expressing the theme: “We are going out of our minds up here.”
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laboratory mishap resulted in the Great Smoking Mountains. There are many other dynamic points of interest you’ll want to see, but be on the lookout for the Te
Texas
Texas used to be the largest state, but because of Alaska, it no longer is. Texans are still very touchy about this, so you should be sensitive when you discuss it with them. “What a large state this is, despite being nowhere NEAR as large as Alaska!” is a sensitive remark you might want to make. Although today Texas is modern and, of course, dynamic, it is proud Of its cowboy tradition, which can still be seen in the form of men wearing comical hats. One of the most important historical attractions is the Alamo, the famous San Antonio mission where, in 1836, a small, brave band of Texans formed the nation’s first car-rental franchise, which can still be seen today. Visitors are also welcome to the Lyndon B. Johnson Library, but they avoid it anyway. Texas also contains many scenic hills and rivers, although nothing like what you see in Alaska (Which is much larger than Texas). The official State Symptom is irregularity.