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nominalization. The therapist alertly applies the verbal de-nominalization again:
Therapist: Whose depending on you makes you feel confused, Dave?
This kind of cycle is one which we find frequently in our family therapy work. By systematically applying the verbal de-nominalization technique to each nominalization, the therapist succeeds in assisting the family member in identifying by exactly what process he is perceiving or failing to perceive what he is experiencing. This process of cyclic de-nominalization (by tying the word description to things which are in the "real" world of experience) allows both the therapist and the family members to understand the specific experiences which they can create together to continue the process of change and growth.
A second important pattern in this portion of the transcript is contained in the statements which Dave makes:
Dependency makes me feel tight. . .
Dependency makes me feel confused . . .
These two sentences have the same form — each of them claims that there is something (dependency) outside of the person involved in the description which causes that person to experience a certain feeling. In other words, each of these sentences claims that there is a Cause-Effect relationship over which the person involved has no control and which, literally, makes him have a certain experience.
Linguists have identified a certain class of sentences such as:
Max makes Sue weigh 357 pounds on Tuesdays.
And
Mildred forces Tom to be 8 feet tall on Saturdays.
as semantically ill-formed.[8] That is, sentences of this class make claims which are at odds with our usual understanding of the way the world operates. Specifically, these sentences claim that one person is causing another person to have a certain experience. However, since the experience which the sentences claim the second person is having is an experience which most of us consider to be beyond the conscious control of human beings, the sentences, literally, make no sense. In other words, since Sue (or anyone else) ca
Within the context of therapy, we have found an extension of this linguistic class very useful. Specifically, any sentence such as:
He makes me sad.
is called Cause-Effect semantically ill-formed.[9] Several examples may help to identify the pattern in your experience:
She makes me really mad.
He really makes her sad.
Walking along the beach makes me feel refreshed.
We understand that these sentences may be a valid description of a person's experience. However, what we are saying is that the Cause-Effect relationship which each of these sentences seems to require is not necessary. We have determined in working with people in therapy that, all too frequently, their pain and lack of freedom and choice are co
This caused that.
I am helpless.
It is final.
We have found it useful in our work to assist people in having a choice about whether a particular movement, act, smile, word, etc., from someone else necessarily has to have the effect on them that they claim. Typically, people who do not have such choices experience little or no control and responsibility over their own lives. Specifically, as therapists we have found that we can effectively assist clients in coming to have these choices by asking them to describe in detail the process by which someone causes them to feel or sense what they are experiencing. The process of assisting the one with whom we are working in understanding the specific way in which he fails to have a choice in his verbal and non-verbal communication with others typically involves the linguistic patterns we have already presented, especially de-nominalization and the specification of verbs. We have found this pattern to be a very useful model.
We return, now, to the transcript.
Dave: You know, dependency makes me feel confused.
Therapist: Hold on a minute, Dave; let me see if I understand this. When you see Marcie look at you in a certain way, you know that she's depending on you and you feel tight, is that right, Dave?
Dave: Yeah, that's right. I never have been able to get a handle on it; you know, altogether, like I felt when you just said it now.
Therapist: Let's check this out, Dave, (turning to Marcie, the wife/mother in the family) Marcie, you heard what Dave said about knowing that you're depending on him when you look at him in a certain way, and I'm wondering whether . . .
Dave: (interrupting) Yeah, you know, Marcie, like right now, when your eyes get narrow and you lean forward, I know that you're unhappy with me, and .. .
Therapist: Wait, Dave, (turning again to Marcie) Marcie, are you unhappy with Dave right now?
Marcie: No, I'm trying to understand what's going on here, and …
One of the ways in which people in families create pain and unhappiness for themselves is by assuming that they can come to know the thoughts and feelings of another person without that other person's directly communicating those thoughts and feelings. We call this Mind Reading semantic ill-formedness.[10] Mind Reading occurs in any situation in which one person claims to know the i
If you loved me, you would know without my telling you.
Extracting from the transcript, we have:
In these two exchanges, we can identify both the Mind-Reading pattern and one of the ways in which the therapist can usefully challenge this process by specifically asking for a detailed description of the process by which the person (Dave, in this case) obtained the information he claims to have. This process (Mind Reading) is one of the most tragic ways by which well-intentioned people in a family can distort their communication and cause pain. We realize that it is possible to understand a great deal about the i
8
This category of verbal patterning — Semantic Ill-formedness — is one of the most powerful verbal patterns available to therapists and hypnotists in their communication. See pages 51-53 and 95-107 in The Structure of Magic, Volume I; and pages 146-152 and 209-215 in Patterns of the Hypnotic Techniques of Milton H. Erickson, M.D. In the references cited, we distinguish three classes of semantic ill-formedness: Cause-Effect semantic ill-formedness, Mind Reading and Lost Performative.
9
Cause-Effect semantic ill-formedness embodies all of the cases in which one person claims that another person is causing him to experience some feeling or thought, some i
10
Mind-Reading semantic ill-formedness, along with Cause-Effect semantic ill-formedness, is the basis of much of the calibrated communication cycles which result in pain and dissatisfaction for family members. See The Structure of Magic, Volume I, pages 104-106, and Patterns of the Hypnotic Techniques of Milton H. Erickson, M.D., Volume I, pages 151-152 and 213-215.