Страница 63 из 74
“And what will you do about it?” she asked Sydnam now.
He turned his head to look at her.
“I certainly am not satisfied with these paintings,” he said. “I ca
“How?” she asked.
Terror gripped him for a moment and a terrible frustration. With his left fist and his mouth?
Perhaps you have allowed the vision to master you instead of bending it to your will.
“With a great deal of willpower,” he replied, and moved to stand against her. He leaned forward so that all his weight was against her. “I do not know how. Somehow. What fate brought you into my life, A
“I don’t know,” she said, and he could see that there were tears in her eyes.
“You were there and waiting,” he said, “even before all this happened to me, your own experiences preparing you to come to my rescue. And even before all this happened to me I was being prepared to come to yours. Tell me I am right. Tell me we can help each other.” He set his mouth lightly to hers.
“You are right,” she said. “All the experiences of our lives have brought us to this moment. How strange! Lauren said something very similar just yesterday.”
He pressed his mouth hard against hers.
But the greatest miracle, he knew, was not that he was going to paint again-mad and insane as the idea sounded-but that he had met this woman, whose own experiences had equipped her to understand his pain and give him the courage to face it instead of suppressing it as he had not really realized he had done in all the years since the Peninsula. And his own experiences had equipped him to understand her pain. Ah, let him find some way of helping her to healing. Let him find some way.
“Let’s go down and walk outside, shall we?” he suggested. “It is such a lovely day despite the chill.”
He opened the door and stepped out of the room with her, lacing their fingers together again after he had closed the door. He left his paintings and his former self and vision behind him, still spread out against the walls, where dust motes danced against them in the light of the sun streaming through the window.
Strangely, now that he had decided to paint again, he understood that painting could never be the single-minded, all-consuming passion of his life that it had once been. There were so many more important things.
There was his wife. There was his stepson. There was the unborn child.
His family.
Simply love.
Trust Morgan to think of a phrase like that.
There was still an autumn chill in the air the next day, but A
David and Sydnam were painting-both of them.
Painting with oils outdoors was not the most convenient of activities, since so many supplies were needed. But David had wanted to come outside-and so had Sydnam.
A
The sun was shining on the water, as it had been in that old painting. But there was also a breeze blowing today, and it ruffled the surface of the lake into little waves. It had been glassy calm in the painting she had seen.
David had asked for help several times, and each time Sydnam had offered it without complaint at the interruption to his own work. But for most of the time-all of an hour-he had been laboring at his own easel, his brush clenched in his left fist like a dagger, its end steadied in his mouth as he painted.
A
She tried to relax, afraid that any tension or doubt she felt might convey itself to Sydnam. But she knew he was unaware of her existence.
She wondered what was happening right now at school. Was Lila Walton doing well enough with the geography and mathematics classes to be permanently promoted to senior teacher? But she was still so young! Had Agnes Ryde settled into life at school and realized that she belonged there without having to fight for acceptance? Who was going to produce the Christmas play this year? Was Susa
She was missing them. For a few moments she rested her forehead against her knees and felt a wave of homesickness for the familiar surroundings and smells and atmosphere of the school. Did all new wives, no matter how basically happy, feel somewhat bereft at first from having been snatched from their families?
Susa
And you need to go home, A
To Gloucestershire.
Sydnam had dared to hope, to dream again. He was painting.
But there was no similarity between their situations.
When she could see that he was cleaning his brush in his characteristic awkward yet efficient one-handed way, she got to her feet and approached him rather warily. But he saw her come and stood wordlessly aside so that she could see his canvas.
It was extraordinary, quite different from any painting she had seen before, including his own canvases at the house. The paint had been boldly slapped on. There was also a certain clumsiness to it-each brushstroke was thick and distinct from all the others. But A
Simply love.
Or perhaps she was reading too much into what was undoubtedly an awkwardly rendered scene. Perhaps she simply wanted to see signs of greatness.
Except that the signs were there. Even her untutored eye could see them.
It was a painting that was suffused with vision and passion.
She looked up into his eye and was very aware of the black patch over his absent right eye. His vision had changed-both the i
“Sydnam.” She smiled slowly at him and blinked her eyes to clear them of the tears that had gathered there.
“It is quite dreadful,” he said, but his eye was bright and his voice strong. “And the process is like beating my way through dense forest after years of ambling along a well-worn path. But I will forge a new path. The next canvas will be better, and the next will be better still. And so begins again the elusive quest for perfection.”