Myth-Chief

MYTH-CHIEF

ROBERT ASPRIN and JODY LYNN NYE

ONE

"You can't go home again."

'"I still think this is a bad idea," my attractive administrative assistant said, as I reached for the door of the tent.

"You keep saying that, Bu

"Uh-huh. You keep saying that." She gave a toss of her short red hair.

I gave up. I didn't know enough women to make sweeping generalities, but I knew Bu

Standing outside the narrow tent that was the headquarters of M.Y.T.H., Inc., I paused for a moment to let the memories wash over me before ducking into the short entryway. This had been my home for years, my office and base of operations as the Great Skeeve before I retired. Much of my adult life had been tied to this deceptively small abode. It was a lot bigger on the inside than it was on the outside, to quote everyone who had ever stepped inside to do business.

I started to reach for the tent flap that separated the office from the outside world, but hesitated. This wasn't my home anymore. It didn't seem right just to barge in. Instead, I turned and gave the small gong hanging on the entry way wall a light tap.

"C'mon in," a familiar voice called from within.

I felt more than saw Bu

I pushed my way into the interior.

"It's a raid!" I said, by way of greeting.

A massive mountain of a man rose from behind the reception desk.

"Skeeve!" he roared. "Hey, Nunzio! It's the Boss!"

"Hi, Guido," I said with genuine pleasure. "How's it going?"

Ignoring my outstretched hand, he swept me into a close embrace and thumped my back.

"Gee, it's good to see you," he declared. He held me out at arm's length and gave me a good once-over. I was pretty sure I hadn't changed much on the outside, being a tallish, ski

His cousin Nunzio, a smaller and slighter version of Guido, joined our ranks and started to duplicate Guido's greeting. I fended him off with one hand.

"I'm glad to see you, Nunzio," I said, "but I can only survive one of those bear-hug greetings a day."

Bu

"I'll take that hug if he doesn't want it," she said. "You got it," Nunzio said in his squeaky little voice as he lifted her into the air. Bu

"No. He's over on Perv visiting the Duchess," Guido said.

"The Duchess?" I said. The Duchess was Aahz's mother. I had met her on my last and only trip to Perv. I had never heard her use her real name, if she had one. "Is anything wrong?"

"I don't know," Guido said. "He didn't say, and I didn't ask. He should be back in a week or so."

"I say, Skeeve! Bloody good to see you again."

"Hi, Chumley," I said to the Troll who had emerged from the farther depths of the office.

As I've mentioned, the headquarters is bigger on the inside than it appears from the outside. A lot bigger. The enormous purple Troll began by extending a hand, in his reticent fashion, but he, too, ended up smashing me in a hug that left me gasping and coughing out strands of purple fur.

"Glad to see you, too," I choked. "Is Tananda around?" "Right here, Handsome."

I was hit by an energetic bundle of curves and softness that wrapped itself around me and showered me with kisses. This time I didn't protest. Some overdone greetings are more welcome than others.

Eventually, we got everything sorted out, and the gang settled into various chairs and sofas or perched on desks. Guido insisted on pulling out the most comfortable arm-chairs into place for me. I ceded the seat to Bu

"So how long are you going to be here at the Bazaar?" Guido said. "Do you have time for a meal, or shall we just get straight to the drinkin'?"

"I'm back to stay," I said. "I've given it a lot of thought and have decided to come out of retirement."

I really don't know what response I was expecting, but what I got wasn't it. There was a long moment of silence while the crew exchanged glances.

"That's great, Skeeve," Guido said at last, but his earlier enthusiasm had left his voice.

"I say, what?" Chumley said. "Happy to hear it, but you know, what'?"

"You know, Skeeve, we've changed the operation since the old days," Tananda said, carefully. I held up my hand.

"Hang on, everybody," I said. "Before things get too awkward, I'm not expecting to walk back in here and take over. In fact, I'm pla

More awkward silence.

"That's swell, Boss... I mean, Skeeve," Nunzio said, his high voice squeakier than ever. "Be sure to let us know if there's anything we can do to help out."

"Thanks, Nunzio," I said, lamely.

"Speaking of which," Bu

"That's right," I said, even though I knew as well as she did that we had made no such plans.

I managed to keep smiling as we said our goodbyes, trying desperately not to notice the difference in warmth between our welcome and our farewell.

"Well, that was pleasant," I said to myself, as we made our way through the aisles of tents and stalls that made up the Bazaar.

"Actually, it was about what I expected," Bu

"Really?" I said dryly. "I thought it got a bit chilly in there."

"Let's try this from a different angle," Bu

"I don't know," I said. "I thought they would be happy to see me ..."

"Which they were," Bu

"And I expected them to be glad I was coming out of retirement—"

"Why?" Bu

"Why?" I echoed. "Why shouldn't they be glad? They're my friends, and I'm starting a new business."

"Which is potentially in competition with their own operation," Bu

I stopped in my tracks and stared at her.

"What?" I managed at last.

She gave a deep sigh without looking at me.

"Remember when I asked you why you wanted to set up business at the Bazaar?"

"Sure," I said. "And I told you that it was because the Bazaar was where I was best known and had already established contacts."

"Uh-huh," Bu

I did and came up blank.

"I don't get it," I said. "It still makes good sense to me."

"Oh. Skeeve," Bu