Moon Sworn

“Which paper did you see the ad in?” Dizziness swirled through me as I spoke, and I dropped a hand to the concrete to steady myself. But the weakness was growing. I’d need to end this soon.

The local paper, Surrey said. It runs every week.

“And there’s nothing else you can tell me about the man you hired? How did you pay him?”

Cash up front. His smoky form began to swirl and his anger sharpened. I can feel you growing weaker, guardian. Perhaps you should join me in—

I didn’t wait for him to finish, just chopped down on the link between us, cutting him off. The abruptness of it sat me back on my butt, but it had an even more resounding effect on him.

He screamed.

It was a high-pitched sound of agony and frustration combined, and the tendrils that had formed his body shattered, flying like broken glass in a hundred different directions.

Then he was gone.

I swallowed heavily and hoped like hell I hadn’t destroyed his soul as easily as I’d shot him.

For several heartbeats I sat there on the cold concrete staring at his body, but the trembling in my limbs got worse, not better, until it felt like I was shaking from the tip of my toes to the end of my hair. I wrapped my arms around my knees and tried to get a grip, but it didn’t seem to help. Coldness swept me—a coldness that had nothing to do with souls and everything to do with death.

And not just this death, but all deaths. The ones in the past and the ones in the future. The ones that had stained my soul and the ones that would.

I can’t do this any longer.

I didn’t want to do this any longer.

But short of death, I couldn’t see a way out. I needed someone to talk to, someone who would understand …

I’m here. Like a cool, calming breeze, Qui

I couldn’t. The words wouldn’t form. I just wanted him here in the flesh, wanted him to wrap his arms around me and tell me it would be all right. That in the end, fate’s fickle finger would start pointing at someone else, and my life would become sane again.

His warmth and love flooded down the link, battering away the doubts, the fear.

My thoughts unfroze. Panic subsided.

Sorry, I said eventually. I didn’t mean to disturb you like that.

Sweetheart, you can disturb me anytime, anywhere, for any reason. He paused, and I felt the wash of his concern. What happened?

I killed a suspect.

Not without reason.

No.

Then you were doing your job—nothing more, nothing less.

I know, but—

Stop beating yourself up, Riley. His voice came, soft but firm. The only person you need to worry about at the moment is yourself. I can take care of everything else—even if that means getting you away from the Directorate.

I smiled. It was very nice being loved by this man.

But was I ready for him to go to war for me? Because that’s what it would take to get me away from the Directorate. Jack was a great boss and a fair vampire, but he was still a Directorate man and he’d worked for a long time to get me where I was today. He wouldn’t release me easily.

And while I didn’t think Jack would resort to violence to keep me—especially against a vampire who was older and stronger—Jack wasn’t the sum of the Directorate. His sister was—and she was both older and stronger than Qui

I wasn’t about to risk putting Qui

But there was also the larger problem of the drug in my system. Qui

Riley, he said softly, if you want out, I’ll make it happen.

I know. And that’s what worried me. But it’s not that simple.

It can be.

I rubbed a hand across my eyes. Maybe it could. Maybe if I gave up fear and simply trusted, it would all fall in place.

But I couldn’t. Not yet.

Not when everything was still so raw and fresh.

I think I just need time, I said softly. Time to understand what I really want.

Time to gain the courage to go after it.

Maybe you also need to talk to someone who has been through what you’ve been through, he said. How long has it been since you’ve talked to Ben?

Once upon a time, he would have seen Ben as a threat, but after everything we’d been through of late, I think Qui

In return, I gave him my all. Or as much of me as there was left to give.

I talk to Ben all the time. And he did understand, because he’d lost his soul mate and had come out the other end.

But maybe that was also the problem. He’d coped. I really wasn’t.

I think you need to go talk to him again. Qui

I closed my eyes. The pain behind that statement was easy to hear. I’m sorry, love. I don’t mean—

I know. He cut me off gently. And I know I told you in the past that I didn’t want to know about you and Kye. But you need to release the pain of it, Riley, or it’s going to eat you up and destroy you.

I know. I took a deep, shuddery breath. I’ll arrange another meeting with Ben.

And after that, maybe, finally, I could find a way to talk to Qui

Though he sensed that hurt. He was too attuned to me now not to.

I need to report the kill to Jack, I said eventually. Whether we’ll meet for lunch or di