2150 A.D.

"Yes," Rana replied, "but last time we met I told you that it is desire and belief that determine all things. No one can give you these two essentials."

"All right," I said, "but I thought if I could establish a strong telepathic bond with you, that when you establish Macro contact I would be able to make it more easily myself."

Rana shook her head. "It won't work with you and me because our soul notes are too dissimilar. However, it might work with Lea if you could completely eliminate all resistance. But, once again, we're back to desire and belief.

Even telepathically co

Perceiving my thoughts Rana said, "No, Jon, there is no easy way. At least none that I know of, and I spent many lifetimes looking for them rather than accepting the responsibility for my own personal growth or lack thereof."

I didn't remember much of what happened during the rest of our meeting with Rana. I was a little embarrassed and more than a little disappointed.

Later that evening as I was ready to go to sleep I realized that ever since Rana had told me that she couldn't help me the way I wanted to be helped I had been in a fog of depression. Carol, of course, picked up on this and said something about all depression being the product of repression.

I wasn't really listening very closely for my mind was again wrestling with the seemingly impossible task of attaining level three in just three months.

Once again I failed to attain Macro contact, which so frustrated me that I then failed at attaining Macro immersion.

I lay awake for a long time thinking of my failures and the task before me.

CHAPTER 13: LOSS

I haven't written in this journal for almost two months. During this period my life has been filled with more failures and successes than in all my previous years put together. I was going to say that I have been too busy to write it all down, but I know that's only partially true. The truth is that I didn't want to write down all my failures, only my successes. Unfortunately, my conscience wouldn't let me write about one without mentioning the other. Finally this same conscience insisted that I bring this journal up to date. With only a month left to attain level-three awareness it should prove helpful to me to review the past two months.

My problems, just like everyone else's, have been caused by my refusal to accept the macrocosmic truth that all failure leads to success and that all success leads to failure-that is, to another lesson we have not yet learned. So I'll begin with a success that became a failure.

It has to do with my relationship with Neda and my desire to change her life from unloved ugliness to at least a minimum of enjoyable attractiveness.

I had Karl, with the help of one of his girlfriends, buy Neda some new clothes and provide her with enough of our research data to keep her busy typing. Meanwhile, I worked on her with the Macro powers of telepathy and PK.

I continued to bombard her mind with positive accepting thoughts which kept her happy and hopeful regarding the future. In fact, during the first month of my Neda project I spent almost all my waking hours in 1976 focusing my mind on her; not only sending positive reinforcing thoughts, but also suggestions as to what she should eat, what exercises she should perform. I was determined to improve her physical appearance as soon as possible, and I knew PK, the power used in all healing, could not be expected to do all the work needed.

I was pleasantly surprised, though, at how much PK could accomplish if carefully directed and applied to the gland and nerve centers of the body. I spent some part of every day back in 2150 learning from C.I. the seemingly miraculous emental healing and growth principles discovered by Macro society research.

I learned that the mind and the emotions direct the formation of our physical body and all the changes that occur within it. C.I. described this process as an automatic reflex called the cellular response, with every cell of our being faithfully playing the part prescribed for it by our mind and emotions.

With the help of C.I. and this new information I began to use my growing PK power, my mind, and my emotions to change Neda's physical structure and to stimulate within her a joyous cellular response. This created an i

My progress at first was extremely slow, and I was becoming discouraged and doubtful that even three months would be enough to make any significant changes in Neda's facial appearance. But then, toward the end of the fourth week, I developed the clairvoyant ability to see not only her aura but all seven glandular systems and every nerve network in her body. Now I could see clearly how to direct my PK force and also the immediate results of my efforts. From that day on, my progress became so rapid that Karl went around shaking his head and muttering to himself. By the end of the fifth week I was finished with the physical transformation of Neda.

She had been five feet eight inches tall. She was now five feet ten. She had weighed 105 pounds. Now she weighed 150 pounds of sensational curvaceous female flesh. I had modeled her as a composite of Lea, Carol, and Diane of my Alpha. While I could not quite reach their perfection, I had succeeded beyond my most optimistic hopes. As for Karl, my success was almost too much. A couple of evenings after I had completed my work with Neda, he came back from one of his ever-longer visits to her apartment demanding a talk with me.

"I have no more doubts about your incredible Macro powers or about your Macro society of 2150, but do you really know what you've done to Neda?"

"What do you mean?" I asked. "You know what I've done. I've taken a physical and psychological disaster and turned it into a victory for beauty and tranquillity."

"As for her physical beauty," Karl replied, "I could not possibly have any complaints. My God, how you managed to change that face, nose and all, into this delicately lovely one I'll never be able to comprehend. She's a pure joy to look at. I have to drag myself away from her." Having picked up his thoughts, I broke in, "But you're not happy with her psychological transformation."

Karl gave me a long questioning look before saying, "I don't understand you, Jon. Don't you realize that she is not only your physical creation but also your mental one? She thinks only what you want her to think, and you won't permit her a very wide range of thoughts. For instance, you deny her the right to have any doubts or concerns about the future."

"Wait a minute,, Karl," I interrupted. "What's wrong with helping her feel confident about her future?"

"Damnation, Joni" He exploded. "She's not a puppet, even though you seem to think you're her puppet master. She has a right to develop her own strength by making her own mistakes.

"You're like the over-possessive parent who won't permit his child to make any mistakes-all so the parent won't have to feel uncomfortable. And what's the result? You know as well as I that when a child isn't permitted to learn how to cope with the problems of this micro world he becomes angrily dependent on the parent and totally lacking in self-esteem. Good Lord, Jon. After all our months of research, nobody knows that better than we do!

"You rescued her from one stinking, lousy, miserable parent relationship and put her right back into another, with you as the parent!"