The Physiognomy

''Your honor," he said, waving as though we were longtime friends who had not met in months.

I had run out of imprecations and could do no more than nod tersely.

"A splendid selection of our populace awaits your educated opinion," he said and took up walking next to me.

Then it struck me that if I could not shoot him, I might make some use of him. "Why was I never informed that the Beaton girl had a child?" I asked.

"An excellent question," he said and stopped to look bemus-edly at the falling snow. "I suppose I never thought it was important."

"How is it she has a child and is not married?" I asked.

"Please your honor," he said with a laugh, "need I really explain to you, a man of science, how it happens?"

"No, you dolt. I mean, what was the situation?"

"Well, I believe she was in love with one of the young miners, a fellow by the name of Canan, who, after creating the situation, as you so delicately put it, was done in by another situation, namely a cave-in," he said.

"They were not married?" I asked.

"You have to understand something about Anamasobia," he said. "The rules of refined society are sometimes bent a little here and there, living as we do in such proximity to the ungodly, as I explained to you a few nights ago. I'm sure they would have eventually taken the vows."

"I see," I said. "Is the child male or female?"

"Male," he replied and we continued on our way toward the church.

"She is a promiscuous young woman," I said.

"Promiscuous in her mind, making love to many ideas, and always has been very rebellious."

"How can you allow such things to go on among your people?" I asked, stopping again.

"In the territory, such qualities are not always a detriment," he said- "She is a fine person, though, sometimes too serious for me."

"And who might I find who would not be?" I said, ending the conversation.

He laughed quietly all the way to the church.

Aria awaited me at the altar. I greeted her with an emotionless hello and she returned the salutation in the same curt ma

I wondered how life could be any more disappointing when, after sending Calloo for the first subject, he brought back with him Mrs. Mantakis. Not having the stomach to face her in the flesh, I told the old marsupial to leave her clothes on.

"But, your honor," said Aria, "do you not wish to inspect her biological possibilities?"

I lit a cigarette and said, "Very well," with as little reaction as possible. As Aria put her through her paces, having her assume all ma

"A thief, for sure," Aria said to me after the old woman had dressed and left the church.

"A thief but not a liar," I thought to myself.

The morning wore on, a steady stream of the bereft, the congenitally damaged, geniuses of stupidity passed before my sight without leaving any impression but one of vague disgust. Aria, for her part, though I could palpably feel her hatred for me, worked methodically, keeping her snide remarks to a minimum.

I knew that eventually I would have to accuse someone of the crime if I wanted a chance to save my own skin. I knew also that the punishment for so serious an offense would be execution—the Master's new and efficient system of justice for any crime more serious than spitting on the sidewalks of the Weil-Built City. "Who shall it be?" I asked myself with each subject that passed before me. Then Calloo brought in Father Garland, and I conceived of my plan of revenge against Anamasobia.

Aria was visibly upset by the presence of the little holy man.

Her clear skin blushed a deep red as the father appeared before us, dressed for paradise. I took a quick glance to see if his shrunken penis came to a needle's sharpness like his teeth and nails. Imagine my surprise when my sight corroborated my suspicions. He said nothing but moved his hand in a sign of a religious blessing for us. I had so hoped that he would act up so that I could call Calloo and have him squashed. Aria's hands shook as she moved the instruments over his face and body. When she applied the Hadris lip vise, I almost told her to leave it on him as a good deed to all mankind.

After he was dressed and was preparing to leave us, he turned and said to me, "I have committed no crime but that of love."

"The charge is tedium," I said as he left, and I began working out in my mind how I would convince the town that he had stolen the fruit. I knew that a good measure of my scheme would need be lofty rhetoric, a commodity so exotic in Anama-sobia it would convince by way of its novelty.

"Next!" I yelled and Calloo made for the door. I thought that I could work out my speech as we went through the next few dozen unfortunates.

But Aria called out, "Wait, Willin," to the giant. "Go wait outside for a moment and we will let you know when we want the next one."

"Do you need a break?" I asked flatly.

She sat down and looked at me as if she were about to cry. Seeing her in this state melted my anger at her somewhat. "She has seen her error," I thought, "and is about to apologize to me for last night."

"Is there something you wanted to tell me?" I asked, speaking like a schoolmaster to a favorite pupil who has done some minor wrong.

"It's him," she said.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, confused by her response.

"Father Garland. He is the one." Tears began to roll down her face.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"I tell you, it's all there. It's as clear as was your face in my window last night," she said.

I remained silent. My guilt at being found out was canceled by my excitement at the thought that I might survive this nightmare. She then launched into a detailed explanation, using the logic of Physiognomy, which of course meant nothing to me but sounded mightily convincing.

"I wish it weren't so, but I can't deny what I read in his face." She wiped the tears from her eyes. "I hate you and this damn system," she said.

"Good work," I whispered. Then I bellowed for Calloo. When he appeared, I told him to get the mayor and to have him gather the citizens into the church.

The people of Anamasobia began filing into the church, filling the pews and then taking up positions in the shadows along the walls beneath the torches where the gallery of hardened heroes stood. There was a great hubbub of hushed conjecture punctuated occasionally by laughter or a loud proclamation of i

The mayor came up onto the altar and shook my hand. He looked genuinely relieved that we had discovered the thief. To offer my congratulations to your honor," he said. 'T do not understand your methods, but they are obviously amazing."

I gratefully acknowledged his adulation and asked him to place one of his people at the door in case the suspect tried to escape. He motioned to Calloo to come to him, and then he whispered something in the big man's ear. Calloo made his way through the crowd to take up a position at the entrance to the altar chamber.

As Aria took down the screen and began putting my instruments neatly into my bag, I sca